In the Hotel lobby it dawns me that it might not be such a brilliant idea – yet now it’s too late. Let’s face it! The lift is a bit wobbly tonight and finally stops at the 5th floor. My hand trembles again when knocking at the suite’s door. Déja vu...
It takes a moment – then Dave appears just dressed with a white towel around his hips. I must have disturbed him taking a shower. His hair is soggy and he oozes an irresistible smell.
„Sorry, I should have called before! John was so keen to drop me here – complaints to his address, please!“
He points to the living room and disappears in the bathroom again. Short time later he’s back in jeans and t-shirt. Hmh – not a word from his side. I do not feel comfy with the situation at all.
„Well, I better leave. It was a silly idea!“
I don’t make it to the door. His arms grab me from behind and pull me tightly to him. No kiss. He just holds me close and buries his face on my left shoulder. No clue how long we remained in that embrace. Finally he drags me with him to the couch.
„I know you must have some panic fear in my company. And that really gives me a pain in my stomach. You see me flustered here.“
He gently caresses my hand – like being afraid to cause any damage.
„In your eyes I’m the same type of bastard like your ex. An alkie and junkie, who beats up and destroys everything he loves when on dope.“
„Dave, please...“ „No, you’re right! I was exactly alike – and even all these years later now, since I’m abstinent and clean – there’s still something inside me that just waits to break free. When I have my weak moments, my mood swings. Believe me, sometimes I scare myself to death! And now you sit there – kinda personalization of all my sins.“
His song „Black And Blue“ immediately pops up in my head. ‚I’m not very nice...’. Like on it’s own the lyrics make their way and I sing along with a low, brittle voice:
„I can look inside you – your are black and blue again.“ That change in lyrics – I can’t hold it back.
I know immediately that I got him flat-footed. Gosh, I can’t stand a crying Dave – breaks my heart into shreds! Uncontrollable sobbing, like a kid that needs mum’s comfort. Shit – I’d sworn to myself to stay out of kinda travesties! It nearly pushed me over the cliff in the past.
A few minutes later he frees himself from my arms. My shirt is soaking wet. I don’t give a damn. His eyes are like magnetized and the pain I can see inside makes me feel numb and paralysed – cause it’s so familiar to me!
Dave gets up for a cold diet coke, getting me one as well.
„I know bloody well what’s going on inside of you – but I have no energy left for it. Not again.“
„It’s not the same, don’t you think? I’m sober and clean for a long time.“
„I was more referring to your mood swings. I have enough on my own plate concerning that. I can’t carry your load aswell. Why do you soulful, suffering, creative, irresistable human beings always choose me?! Do I have a sign on my forehead? ‚Comfort and energy for free – help yourself’? Who comforts, revives and refreshes ME? Why is it always me in the end, left alone with nearly NOTHING safe and sound?!“
It’s my turn to open the floodgates. Dave has a tough time to hold my shaking body.
„Shush, it’s OK, angel! I know – I know better, than you possibly could imagine!“
He’s rocking me in his arms.
„Come on, I’ll let water in for a nice bath. That’s perfect for relaxing and calming down your nerves.“
He slipped in behind me. I tried to protest but he didn’t accept no for an answer. Bathtub is the understatement of the century! It’s more the size of a pool!
The lather crinkles on the water surface. I feel Dave’s smooth skin on my back. That’s such a pleasant sensation. My inhibitions start to loose.
„That’s fine – let it go!“ He fondles over my arms. All those tiny hairs stand up at once. Goosebumps down my spine! His lips at my neck. Oh, please don’t, David! Don’t mess everything up now! But he must have realized himself that is was not the time yet and restrains himself.
When we are toweling ourselves he looks at me with those deep, glowing eyes again.
„May I put on some body lotion?“ I freeze for a second.
He looks for the bottle of lotion and drags me with him into the bedroom. On the bed he carefully removes my bath sheet. There it is again – the wellknown flight reflex!
„Please, don’t be afraid! Trust me! You have no idea how much I want to watch and touch you.“
I feel lotion dripping on my tummy. Extremely gently he starts spreading it with his long, muscular fingers. He chooses his way upwards. My nipples stiffen due to the coolness of the fluid and his caressing hands. A smile crosses his face. He really has to resist kissing them. I detect something hard pressing against my left thigh. He reads in my eyes that it didn’t go unnoticed as he moves away a bit from me.
I’m rolling over onto my stomach. He massages my back. Now that I can’t see him every touch feels even more intense. Darn, I can’t control what’s happening between my thighs! He better does not get there! It’s like a confirmation how horny he actually makes me. Well, but he just caresses the usual areas – even if he takes his time with my bum. I can’t help to grin.
When I turn around again he stops me half the way. His eyes might light a bush fire at the moment! His hands slip slowly down at the inside of my upper thighs. With a slight push he moves them apart. I’m already too much under his spell that I’d try to stop him.
„Please, let me see and touch it!“ His eyes rest between my legs – fingers groping their way slowly inside. He groans slightly, with pleasure.
„God, your’re already soaking wet!“ His head disappears now completely between my thighs.
I sense that he’s parting my delicate folds with great tenderness and when the tip of his tongue enters me a sudden gasp slips off my mouth. His lips close around my clit with a soft but firm pressure. I cling my fingers into his hair. This seems to drive him further off as he starts to suck me with all might now. I’m near to scream! His tongue is wandering in slow circles and tickles me purposely every now and then. Then I feel fingers searching their way in, slowly at first – then definitely thrusting in and out. I start to arch my back as the lust I experience is nearly unbearable.
„Yes, come for me, baby! I can feel it – don’t hold it back! I want to hear you!“ His voice is dark and hoarse and his chest is moving while he’s gasping for air.
And then the waves keep rushing in. My body is convulsing while an avalanche of muscle contractions hit me like there was no tomorrow! My heart is pumping against my ribs and I’m moaning and panting like I haven’t done for a long time.
„Fuck, you’re still so wet it drives me mad!“
He’s right – I feel my juices running down my inner thighs.
The tide ebbs down slowly. I fall back into my pillow, exhausted, sweat pouring over my face and body. Red heat’s flashing across my cheeks. He let himself sink next to me, very close, snuggling against me.
After a few breathless moments when none of us was capable of words he kisses my lips and his eyes tell me he’s concerned about something.
I smile slightly puzzled. „Yes, strange enough. That’s been such a treat, thank you!“ I close my lips more firmly around his and move closer into his arm. He’s pulling the sheets over us.
„What about you then?“ My hand wanders downwards to meet his hardness. He gently stops my actions.
„No, there’s no need for that.“ His stern look surprises me. „Don’t feel obliged to do anything. I want you to want me. I couldn’t bear the feeling you’d just do it to be even with me. This is no cash-back situation, you hear me? If I want to give it to you I would – and I will always ask before.“ He adjusts his pillow in the back.
„And, please, don’t hold back if you’re uncomfortable with anything. I don’t want you to be scared or in pain – that’s the last thing I want to give you!“
Darn, there go my tears again! Too much to deal with!
„Hey, darling – don’t you cry!“ He lets his hands run down my cheeks and closes the gap between moving his body as near as possible against mine. Such soft, velvety skin! Smooth and strong at the same time. His scent and aroma ensnare my senses and push my mind into oblivion.
Why do I worry? I want to be NOW, in the moment! Tomorrow will come early enough!
Next day Depeche Mode have to check in at the airport to go back to the
USA for a PR campaign.
I have the slight idea that David has some pressing matters in New York to deal with. Farewell is a shorty. John hugs me as well quickly and whispers into my ear:
„Anton will contact you! No hints to Dave, please! You have my business card if you’re in need.“