I really have to kick my ass to get out off my bed. Two hours sleep – if at all! And Mal’s schedule for today – better do not ask! A toughie! The way to the bathroom – into the shower – pure agony.
What day it is in the end – I don’t care at all. It’s like this for a month now. Looking into the mirror a zombie stares back, dark shadows beneath it’s eyes. I’m so stupid! Why do I allow it getting so close to me?! Suffering is so enjoyable! The little silver cross glistens shortly at my neck. Fuck! I toss the towel stroppily into a corner.
When I meet Mal in the editorial department he takes me aside.
„Sivvi, I can’t watch this any longer! You’re looking awfully sick! Go and see the doctor – get a sick note! And now better get out off here – hush, hush!“
He pats my shoulder fatherly and dashes for his next appointment. Tired to the bone I stagger back to my car. What my physician will tell me – I already can imagine!
As expected I get a two weeks sick note. Geez – now I really have time brooding over the meaning of life! Sceptically I check the prescription for tranquillizers – admonitored to take them. Fuck!
Back in my flat I boot up my PC – as usual. Some new emails blinking in the mailbox. Huh, who’s that ‚princess starlight’? Top priority mail! Looks more like spam. I finally open it. It’s from Stella!
I hope you have a webcam! Could you meet me today at 3 pm your time? I checked for it (6 hrs difference to New York). It’s extremely important!
Looking at the clock I see that’s in about an hour! Damn Karma!
Somehow time goes by. I prepared a tea, watered the plants. They really needed some care after all this time.
The connection takes only a moment – then Rosie’s face appears in the camera window. She waves at me.
„Thank god, you made it, Siv! I was so afraid you wouldn’t read the mail in time!“
„Hi, Tiny Star! How comes you have my email addy?“
The girl has a sly grin on her face.
„I nicked it from dad’s desk.“
I shake my head.
„You look as sick as daddy!“
Dang! Don’t know what to answer for a moment.
„Siv, I’m really scared about him. Mum doesn’t know how to deal with it as well. He’s really unbearable!“
„I’m sorry for you, Rosie! Well, your dad sometimes has his mood swings.“
The blonde haired girl rubs her nose.
„But not like this! Do you know what he asked me for?“
When I deny it she carries on.
„If I could tell him the mermaid story – last night. And when I nearly finished he cried again.“
She observes me with her big eyes.
„You know what, Siv? YOU are the mermaid, dad is the prince and mum the princess.“
My jaw drops to the floor. THIS from a nine year old girl!
„God, Stella! How did you make this up?!“
„Daddy was mumbling something about ‚Why did Siv jump over board?’. At first I had no clue what he was saying. I asked him, if he missed you as badly as me. He had tears in his eyes again. Then I knew it.“
„But your dad loves your mum, you, Jimmy and Jack.“
She nods sternly.
„He loves you, too.“
I’m not sure if she realizes what she’s just saying.
„Do you love him as well?“
I have to clean my throat.
„I love you, your dad, your mum, Mart, Fletch, Calo...a lot of people who I care for.“
„That’s not what I mean.“
„How do you mean it then?“
I still try the ‚I-have-no-clue-at-all’ method.
„I know you had sex with daddy.“
I literally drop my tea mug!
„Who did tell you something like that?!“
„Nobody. I saw you in uncle Fletch’s garden – when you thought I already was in bed. Calo got on my nerves, teasing me all the time – so I got up again, sneaking out in the garden. He caressed and kissed you – looked at you with his special loving eyes. Errr, well – you were all naked, too. He usually only does that to mum.“
I immediately know which evening she’s talking about.
„Did you see everything?!“
She nods and blushes slightly.
„I’m still little but we had all that stuff already in school.“
„Are you angry with me now, Rosie?“
„Why? Dad looked so happy – and you, too. But did you have a fight later on? It was strange that we left so quickly back home, not saying bye to you.“
Now it’s me with a tear rolling down my left cheek.
„I knew it! You have to make it up with each other again! Can’t you fly to New York? Daddy is so stubborn – he’d never move an inch! Mum’s always annoyed about that attitude. If he’d know that I’m talking to you right now he would be mad like hell! Bye, bye laptop!“
She turns around alerted.
„Shit, they are already back! They wanted to visit a friend’s birthday brunch. Siv, please do something! I’ll come back to you when I have the chance, OK? Pleeeeaaaaase!“
She waves again and then the image dissolves into lots of tiny pixels – disappearing completely then.
I’m absolutely wiped out! Kids! Yes, I jumped overboard – cause I saw prince charming and his princess cuddling together in their ‚chamber’ and it ripped my heart out. Those intimate, loving looks and caresses! Apparently the prince shortly after dived into the sea aswell, not being able to rest in her arms. A sign of remorse? She seemed to have followed him – as usual. And now all of us are drifting somewhere in turbulent waters. Fuck!
If I go on like this I will have my nails bitten down till the cuticles! Nervously I slip along the cushions of the Yellow cab, staring out off the window. We’re stuck in the rush hour, direction Greenwich village. Finally! I pay the driver and let my eyes wander up the building. So this is it. Better send Rosie another short message. Then I make it to the security check point. It’s a watched area. Communication seems to have worked as they let me through into the lobby to the elevators.
Standing in front of the appartment door I suddenly feel nauseous. Rosie opens and jumps kinda into my arms.
„I’m so glad you’re there, Siv!“
Then she starts sobbing. I close the door behind us.
„Where are your parents, luv?“
Stella cleans her nose with a tissue.
„Mum’s in the summer house on Long Island. Dad has a meeting with uncle John. He should be back soon though.“
„And you’re all on your own here? Don’t you have a nanny or such?“
Now the girl smirks.
„Usually we have – but I bribed Sharon to take her free afternoon today!“
I walk towards the huge windows and am in awe concerning the view down to Hudson river. So different compared to interviews I know.
Strangely I immediately feel cosy and well in this flat.
Rosie comes back from the kitchen, carrying a tray with apple juice and glasses. I don’t have any more time to even think about pouring in some drink when we hear a key in the lock. I can’t see him already, but I smell him. His scent is burned deep into my brain. When he turns around the corner our eyes meet again after a long while. He’s completely off guard. Bang! His case lands on the floor with a loud thud. God, he looks so pale, tired and thin!
Stella pulls her thumb up and whispers: „Don’t you mess it up!“, and then disappears quickly into her room.
David swallows hard. Then life seems to be back. Within a second he’s at me and I get a vivd impression of his stubble. If he could eat me alive now – he certainly would! I’m not better. Greedily I answer his lips and follow every single move of his pelvis. He urges me onto the couch. Then he suddenly stops.
I have to grin.
„She knows what?“
„Dave, she saw us one evening in Andy’s garden – the full set. And why do you think I’m here?“
He looks like a living question mark.
„Rosie emailed me. We had a web cam chat and she told me then. Do you want it word by word? ‚I know you had sex with daddy!’.“
„Oh my god!“
„Anyway – she’s into bits, scared about the state you’re in. She said you were a die-hard and I had to come to New York. After fights one needed to fix things again.“
I sigh deeply.
„She was really charming, your little star! Smacking me directly into my face I looked like shit. ‚You look as sick as dad!’ – gosh! Dave – I really have no idea how this all shall go on!“
Some tears make it over his cheeks now.
„Then she must have poured all her heart out to you. I know my daughter.“
„Yes. There was someone going over board, cause she simply couldn’t stand it any longer.“
Now it’s my turn to sniffle. I see in his dark eyes that I nailed it.
„And I got that ‚martyr“ drift at once.“
My hand automatically moves to my neck. His view follows my motion and he detects the necklet. His face comes nearer and he kisses the cross beneath my throat.
„What’s this crap all about? Why are we acting up like that?“
He now smiles through the tears – wiping a few away.
„Stop talking, Siv! Come – let me make love to you – NOW! I want to feel you till I faint!“
It’s as if I know every single pore of his gorgeous body meanwhile. Inch for inch. We’re laying still breathlessly on the floor – clothes spread around us. His right leg over mine, entangled with each other. I sense his rib cage steadily moving up and down. His forehead rests against mine.
„You still keep a secret from me, Dave. How’s it possible you’re already hard again?!“
It doesn’t go unnoticed by me what pushes against my thigh. He throws me an evil smirk.
„You wanted the dirty animal – now don’t you complain getting it!“
I nudge him into his side. He winces shortly and then moves his full weight onto me, searches my lips and kisses me passionately again.
„Daaave! No way! Please give me a little break! I could need some ice between my thighs – oouch!“
As a matter of fact I stopped counting how often we had sex already. Additionally we haven’t been very gentle with each other.
„I won’t run away soon. Impossible at the moment – perhaps like John Wayne – argh!“
He’s shaking with laughter. Then he opens my legs and checks between them.
„Shit, you’re really a red hot chili!“
I let my hand glide downwards.
„Aaaah, and swollen! You wouldn’t fit in there now anyway, you greedy animal!“
He kisses me very gently – yet I recoil with pain.
„OK, I got it! A nice bath then?“
I nod – giving him a big smile.
After that we cuddle into his bed. I should better say ‚their’ bed. I was a little reluctant when he dragged me into the bedroom.
„Siv, I know what you’re thinking – but in the end a bed is a bed, am I right?“
What an argumentation! I stop worrying about it as I feel the time shift kicking in and the only wish I have now is to lay down my extremely tired and sexually overstimulated body – into a clean, soft and cosy bed.
„I still can’t believe you’re here.“
He gently follows the lines of my face. The morning sun shimmers in his green-brown eyes. I kiss his fingertips when he reaches my lips.
„Shall I poke you where it hurts?“
„I bleeding dare you!“
He giggles and kisses me softly.
His hand gingerly wanders between my legs. When I flinch a little he draws it back.
„Don’t be! I enjoyed every second!“
„Oh, yeah – me, too!“
He throws me one of his special looks again that let my legs go weak.
„How about breakfast? I’ll jump and get us some!“
When he’s out off the door I loll a little. God, I still miss some hours sleep! His smell is still around and I wrap myself closer into the sheets. Must have dozed off as I nearly flip when someone nudges my shoulder.
„Hey, baby! It’s too early to zonk out again!“
Dave’s low baritone.
„Look, I’ve been to the pharmacy.“
I muster the assortment of ointment and stuff.
„What did you tell them?!“
„The truth! That I made love to my girl all night long and now she’s in pain. The assistant was very supportive.“
„Gosh! But you’re so sweet! Thanx!“
I hug him and then want to take the bag and go to the bathroom. Seeing the begging look in his eyes I have to swallow.
„You’re kidding, aren’t you?“
„Nah, please let me do it. I caused it – now let me fix it!“
„Not a good idea – really, Dave. It will only make you horny again – and I really CAN’T have you now!“
„Awww...OK. You’re probably right – as I’m already hot like hell again!“
I jump up and now definitely make it to the other room – not before collecting another deep, wet kiss from him.
„You take care of the breakfast – I’ll take care of myself now. And better come up with somethinggood – I could eat a complete supermarket!“
Rosie fixes us both, munching her cornflakes. She’s a sly grin on her face.
„Well, Miss Nosey, why do you ask questions you already seem to know the answer to?“
Dave cocks his left brow and takes a deep gulp from his mug.
We’re sitting around the kitchen table - finally having a late breakfast. Don’t know why but I feel slightly uncomfortable. He seems to sense that, bends over and kisses me gently onto my mouth.
„Gee, so it’s true!“, Stella giggles.
„I heard you in the bedroom.“
Dave seems to remember what Rosie told me about having seen us at Andy’s place.
„Precious, look – it’s not really your business – but yes, Siv and me talked about some things and we aren’t angry with each other any longer. So you can stop poking your nose into it.“
„Will mummy come back now as well?“
Oouch! I was afraid this question would be on the menu soon. I face Dave with a stern expression. He moves over to Stella and and drags her onto his lap.
„Mum will come back when she’s ready with her script. You know she needs it quiet. It won’t take that much longer I’m sure. You can call her later, OK? I need to talk to her anyway.“
Rosie nods and hugs her dad. Then she jumps down to the floor.
„Can I watch some TV, please?“
„Time for your fav series?“
„Ok, but only an hour.“
She dashes out off the kitchen.
„Shush, don’t start crying, baby!“
David pulls me into his strong arms.
„You knew it would be going to be complicated.“
„Yes. And you told her we were talking.“
„Weren’t we? I thought you got the impact of body language very well.“
„Come on, Dave. It’s not really funny – though I know damn well, what you mean!“
„Look, why don’t you just try to relax and get your feet onto this ground here? You just flew in yesterday – you’re not already here 100% me thinks. Well, your body for sure is!“
„But we can’t sit around here playing happy family!“
„I don’t want to avoid talking – yet I think we both might need a few days to recharge some energies.“
I muster him and realize that he’s right. He looks much more relaxed today – yet all those weeks nagged at him – as they did at me. He definitely could need some extra pounds and sleep.
„OK, OK – so from zombie to zombie: Could I have some more bacon and eggs, please? And you also should stuff up your appearance a little bit. I don’t like hugging skin on bones.“
„Oh, and I thought you were Bones...we would make a great team – me on Bones!“
„Argh, stop it!“
He smiles one of his dazzling ones and gets up for the frying pan.