Martin lets the bag with pastries drop down to the kitchen table and gets rid off his warm coat. The crazy cap stays on.
„Aww, Curly! Please take off that hat of yours – or I can’t munch a bite without laughing my ass off!“
He plants a wet kiss onto my right cheek.
„OK, where are my manners? I thought I could hide my hair a little longer – it’s a complete mess!“
„As I’m a complete mess myself you’re in good company – so relax, undress and sit down.
„Oooh, you want a little show!?“
„I’m not really in the mood.“
Andy returns to the kitchen as well and pads Martin on his shoulder.
„So what’s it with all these bad vibes around here?“
Mart lets himself fall next to me onto the wooden bench and reaches for the tea pot.
„David is around.“
„And he’s still out running – mad me thinks.“
„Mad at you?!“
„Siv kinda kicked him out off her...our bed.“
Martin’s eyes are big like glass marbles now.
„Gosh, he called me yesterday to spread the news about Jenny. I didn’t expect him to immediately hit the road to get over here!“
He takes a big gulp of his tea and shakes his fluffy curls.
„And now I’m additionly on the plate – what a nice, dysfunctual family we are!“
Shuffling some oat flakes over the apricoats he just sliced while talking and adding some honey he licks his left thumb and grimmaces. I pass the fresh milk over and he nearly drowns the contents of his bowl.
He sips off some of the white liquid and wipes his lips.
„You didn’t want him to make love to you? Do you feel well, angeleyes?“
A sudden flash of anger hits me and I slap onto the wooden surface of the table.
„Can’t you take me serious for a moment, Martin?! You know bloody well I might get pregnant at this time! It’s too early for me, don’t you get it?!“
I let my head sink down onto the table and start sobbing.
„I had to stop him, what way ever – I didn’t expect him to be that much disappointed, you know? And I wouldn’t be such a drama queen if I wouldn’t love him to bits! Do you think it was easy for me?! Andrew next to me? You can tell me as much as you want, Andy – but I’m sure you’re hurt deep inside, too! It’s too much! I can’t stand it any longer!“
„For heaven’s sake – then take me instead of him! I have less baggage at my heels!“
All of a sudden it is absolutely quiet in the room. Mart immediately seems to regret what he blurted out. Andrew silently gets up from his chair – absolutely puzzled. He has to swallow before he speaks.
„This is a madhouse. I’m in my office for a while. You better do not disturb me.“
I stare after him, seeing him disappear in the hallway – not able to catch a single, reasonable thought.
„Siv, I’m sorry! Fuck, I don’t know why I said that! Forget about it, please! And don’t tell Dave – oh my god!“
Finally I manage to answer.
„Curly, you better go now.“
Brooding over my cold tea alone in the kitchen for how long ever I finally hear Dave trampling down the hallway – slamming the door of the guestroom behind him. I can’t help it and get up to sneak down the corridor. Shall I or shall I not? My hand is already on the door handle when I hear moans – two different male voices – and the sound of the shower. Oh Martin! Good luck Andy’s office is in the opposite direction – as the volume increases. Judging Mart’s nearly yells and Dave’s groans and grunts it’s pretty obvious who’s in command. Martin seems to take all the frustration that’s stored in Dave over the last hours. I’ve heard enough and kinda flee into the living room, looking for Basil.
Half an hour later Martin limps into the lounge, pulling a grimmace when he sinks down into one of the dark leather chairs. I shortly look up and then pretend to read on in my book that I picked up randomly.
„Had some fun, Martin? I could hear it at the other end of the building.“
„Not really – but I got what I deserved.“
His voice trembles a bit. „I told him before Andy did.“
„You did what?!“
„I told Dave I wanted to be the back up – getting you pregnant.“ He winces when he shifts weight on his seat. „His opinion on that still burns in my butt. He really tried to fuck my brains out this time.“
„And I for sure will straighten you ass out if you should try so!“, huffs Dave from door, leaning against the frame. His eyes are blazing.
„Andy’s right – this IS a madhouse! You can’t be serious – both of you! I can’t take it any longer – it’s too much! And I’m not going to watch all our friendships go down the drain!“
With these words I get up from the couch, Basil jumping from my lap, and starting to twist the rings from my finger. This time it works. They slip over my skin and knuckles. With a metal clank I let them fall onto the surface of the couch table.
„Siv! Baby, no!“
„Exactly. NO baby!“
It takes all my restraint not to break into tears on the spot and all I want is to get out off this bloody room. Dave blocks the doorway. His expression is like a hard kick into the guts. Grabbing me with his strong hands he tries to push me back into the room, shaking me.
„You can’t do this, angel – please don’t do this to me!“
„To you?! Fucking hell, this is about me and Andrew as well – and in the end it’s all about me! Now get your paws off me!“
We didn’t recognize that Andy walked into the room and stopped at the couch table, slowling picking up the rings with his huge hand. He swallows hard and searches for the arm rest not to loose balance. The sounds of his sudden heavy crying seems to interrupt the mad circle of thoughts and actions. Dave lets his arms fall back to his sides. I step back from him, breathing heavily and Mart dashes to Andy. As fast as it started the sobbing ends again and the red head lifts himself from the leather cushions.
Without a word he approaches us, grabbing my right and Dave’s left arm and drags us into the hallway. His face looks so out off this world that we are sorta perplexed and follow him. Opening the door to the master bed room he shoves us inside, taking the key out off the lock.
„You two finish your business now. I will lock you up in this godforsaken room as long as you need to come to your senses. This is your very last chance. Get pregnant or not. After this I’m no longer willing to share. And don’t think you might sneak out off the window. I’ll set on the alarm system.“
With these words he slams the door into our faces and we hear the key turning in the lock.
„Open the fucking door, Andrew! NOW!!“
After several fruitless attempts with no reaction from the outside at all Dave stops hammering against the massive old wood and walks a few steps back, running and smashing himself against the door now.
„David, stop acting like a preschooler. These doors survived at least two wars – what do you expect? That they will crunch for the almighty Dave Gahan?“
„You shut up, bitch!“ In his rage he turns around, scarlet face, covered with sweat and his fists clenched.
„Or what? Are you going to hit me? I’m not afraid any more. It can’t be more painful than your words. Come on, what are you waiting for?! Batter me up – destroy the last bit of love that’s left! It doesn’t matter.“
It’s like in the eye of a storm. I’m sitting on the edge of the bed expecting to loose my mind and sanity any second now. This is so surreal. And then he comes for me. Slowly, more staggering than walking.
„No, Sivvi, no! You know I could never do you any harm. Oh my god!“ His voice is hoarse, nearly a whisper now. „You are right – it’s all too much – far too much to bear – but I love you! I can’t help it. I tried to rip you out off my heart several times – it doesn’t work!“
He just makes it to the bed. It’s like if somebody pulled the plug out off the socket. He’s falling backwards, all body tension gone.
„He can’t be serious locking us up here.“
I grab the water bottle I usually have on the night stand and pour him a glass.
„Here, you better drink – you do not look really well.“
With shaking hands he takes the drink. I have to help him or he would have spilled most of the contents.
„You better try to come down, Dave.“
„Why are you so bleeding calm? I don’t get it!“
I let out a deep sigh.
„Calm? Me? You have no idea! Apparently my energy level is too low as well to make a big wave now.“
I let my head sink next to his face into the pillow – curling myself up in a slight fetal position. His chest still moves quickly up and down.
„Shush, you need to relax, Dave.“
Like a reflex my left hand places itself onto his heaving rib cage. The shirt feels sweatty and far too warm.
„Come, take it off – or you’ll catch a bad cold.“
It needs a bit of effort to peel it off him. He’s not really keen to move. I get up and head for the bathroom to catch a towel. After drying his chest I move up the blanket and cover him properly.
„Please...please put back your hand there, angel.“
His plea is barely audible.
„Don’t forget to breathe deep and slow – relax now.“
I feel the hectic movements under my palm – as they gradually slow down. His eyes are closed and tiny pearls of sweat still roll down his temples and pale cheeks. His heart pounds like a steam hammer.
„I didn’t know you get kinda panic attacks.“
He takes another deep breath.
„Only on rare occasions – when I feel trapped – like now – literally.“
„It’s OK. I’m here.“
After a while of silence I have enough. Dave still trembles and doesn’t look healthy at all.
„Do you have your mobile with you?“
He seems to need a moment to realize what I was asking. Then he nestles in his pockets and finds it.
„Give it to me, please.“
I dial Andy’s number. It doesn’t take long and he receives the call.
„What do you want?!“, he barks into the device.
„Andrew, it’s me. If you still care for our relationship you better open the door immediately and call medical help.“
With these words I end the conversation and place the cell phone onto the night stand. Around five minutes later there’s a sound in the lock and the door opens, Andy slowly peeking inside. When he sees Dave in his state his expression changes.
I get up from the bed, replacing the tiny wet towel on David’s forehead and disappear silently into the bathroom. When I return Andy still stands at the same spot.
„Is this really what you wanted, Andy?“
„What’s going on here?“
„He’s got a panic attack – and you better pray not a heart condition. Did you call 999 as I told you?“
Without a word he opens his mobile and hastily presses a button.
David finally sleeps peacefully. The doctor left some medication and instructions. Andy guides him to the front door. I sneak into the kitchen and fetch one of the picnic hampers from the storage room and start to fill it with as much as the fridge and fruit basket allow – not forgetting my precious lavender chocolate. I just returned to the bedroom and stored the big basket next to the closet when Andrew enters the room as well again.
„Andy, give me the key, please.“
„The key to this room – I want it.“
He hands it over and I place it into the lock – from the inside.
„I will close the door now – and this time it’s definitely us – Dave and me – who decide when we want to get out again.“
I see his eyes wandering over the hamper and he obviously gets the impact of my words.
His face rests against the white cotton. He’s finally lying on his stomach – his back tattoo moving slightly up and down with every slow, deep breath. I pull up the blankets a bit more to shield him against the cold air that flushes in from the open window. I needed some fresh breeze in here and tore it open a few minutes ago.
He looks so adorable when he sleeps – all facial muscles relaxed and soft. Innocent like an infant. Oh well – knowing how evil and rude he can be when he’s at his senses – or not. Science has it that women fall in love with sleeping men especially. There might be some truth in it – though I lost my heart way earlier than our first night together. Gently I follow the lines of his fill lips, moving up his cheek bone – my hand cupping the half of his face – feeling the warmth radiating from his soft skin.
At least he’s not glowing any longer – all seems pretty normal again.
Normal? What the heck in his life is normal? And in mine? Did we push the limits too far now? I really wish I would know what’s going on behind that beautiful forehead of his sometimes. On the other hand – it might be better this way. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with the thought he might be able to read my mind – though he apparently sometimes seems to be able to. My twin soul! Why do we hurt each other the way we do? Isn’t there an easier, better solution? Easy? Since when has my life been easy – opposed to normal? I’m really the last one for the direct routes – for the daily routine. Isn’t life as such? Taking all the detours and dead ends – making all the same mistakes again and again till you finally realize what’s the point in it?
Is this one of those mistakes? I can’t help it – there’s no way in seeing a failure in loving a person. Well, ONE person? Available? Not hurting other people’s feelings? My granny always used to say: There’s no love without pain! She knew what she was talking about – the son she gave birth to was not her husband one’s. I wonder till this day if he knew it.
Three hours later Dave starts stirring under the covers, groaning silently – then shooting up in the bed with a little yell.
„Shush – everything’s alright, hun!“
He stares at me with big, questioning eyes and then lets himself sink back into the soft sheets. His complexion looks way better and he stopped sweatting.
„Do you want me to run a bath for you, Dave?“
„Umh, that would be lovely.“ His eyes wander direction door and he sighs deeply. Then he detects the key and cocks his brows in surprise.
„David, if you want to go you are free to do so.“
„What happened? I just remember your hand on my heart.“
„I called Andy and then the ambulance...well, I forced him to do so. A doc sent you into oblivion for a while. I was really scared you...your heart would burst!“
„Oh, baby – come here, don’t you cry!“
He pulls me closer and I bury myself into his arms, inhaling his intreaguing scent – feeling so helpless.
„I’m stronger than you might think – I’m not leaving you just like that!“
„David...!“ „I’m a fighter, always was – you know that.“ He pecks a kiss onto my lips. „And so are you!“
Dave takes the sponge and squeezes it slightly – then he follows all along my right arm, gently rubbing my skin. His velvet lips meanwhile trace down my nape and scapula.
„I will not go. I mean – after this I will leave for my family, but I will never let you slip out off here.“
He takes my hand and places it over his heart. I can sense it’s constant, strong, now regular beat.
„Andy can ask you or me anything in the world – but he can’t tell us to stop to feel. Emotions do not work this way – he should know. He can’t stop himself yearning and grieving for Grainne.“
„David, he knows. He himself told me about „ghosts in the house“ – and he meant her AND you. It seems to be difficult to handle it at the moment – well, I’m trying to find answers – no excuses. I really love him, you know?“
„Yes, I’m glad you do.“ He changes the sponge in his hand and slips down my other arm till he reaches my finger tips. Then he lets the thing go and with a tiny slurp the sponge disappears under the water surface. Both of his hands now intertwine on my tummy – over the numerous scars.
„Baby, I want this to grow with joy – not in pain. I want you to be happy – as it would make me happy no end, too!“
His breath puffs hotly against the sensitive area next to my ear. He’s not kissing, he’s licking my skin now – teasing me with little twirls of his naughty tongue. There’s a too wellknown sensation against the lower end of my back now – poking for attention.
„Then let the water out off the tub first.“ I nearly breathe my answer, being already so horny I’m surprised about myself. Well, Dave is Dave...
„Umh, is it comfy enough for you?“ He eyes the round, marble whirlpool tub sceptically.
„Well, if you’d sit down at the stairs I might...“ The rest dies down in a hot, wet kiss as he drags me with him, hovering himself up the steps. I just manage to turn the button for the plug and the water starts gurgling down the drain.
Straddling him is not so easy at first – us being wet and slippery all over. His long fingers clench into my hips and I have to scream a little from the sudden pain. Bruises, they will come.
He looks so gorgeous – his tattoos glistening with the wetness, his nipples hard and erect from the air now touching them uncovered. When he greedily squeezes my glutes to pull me even closer into his lap I bend over and let the tip of my tongue flick around them, finally biting down on them in my growing frenzy, causing loud groans from him.
„Oh, god! Sivvi, please – no long foreplay – I need to be inside you – I want you so much!“
I know exactly how he must feel as my desire is boiling at the same scale – and I’m so ready!
It comes a bit unexpected – but he immediately fills me up to the hilt. Oh, how much did I miss that feeling! Him filling me completely – taking me – all of me.
For a moment we do not move an inch. No, not being afraid of pain – just enjoying our deep connection. I stare down into his abysmally deep, dark, olive eyes. An unearthy fire is blazing in them – sweaping me away – making every cell of my body and soul tingle and shiver. Then he starts moving his hips upwards – agonizingly slow – not letting go my view. Like in a trance I follow his movements with my body – answering his call with circle motions of my groin. If he would be Lucifer himself knocking at my door now – I would let him in – willingly!
My hands wander up and down his muscular back, the intensity of my nails softly scratching his skin grows with the power of our lovemaking. Finally I dig my fingers into his biceps and can’t help it to bite into the crook of his neck. Everything in me is pleasantly buzzing and it’s just the glimpse of an eye that will push me over the cliff – and he’s ready to join me – obviously already enjoying my inner walls clamping around his throbbing member.
„God almighty – Siiiiiv!“
I’m already that much short of breath that my peak of lust just allows me an enormous, raw yell.
For a moment time seems to stand still. I’m levitating above myself – though eyes half closed I can see Dave’s lustfully contorted face, the thick protruding arteries at his neck. Like with a rollercoaster ride all comes to an end some time – and I sink onto his wet body – panting like him – gasping for air.
Andrew flicks another magazine page over – not really able to follow the content. Basil already sleeps in his basket again, next to the fire. The logs sizzle every now and then and the monotone tic toc of the antique clock is the only other sound. Then-though far away – two agitated yells waver through the house – one male, the other female.