Martin just comes down the wooden steps when he sees David hovering his suitcase towards the main door.
„Back to New York, Mart. What do you expect?“
„Wait a minute and take a deep breath. It’s bad enough all the others kinda fled the place – though I can understand their uneasy feelings about the whole desasterous incident – yet you don’t run again now!“
David looks tired, confused and frustrated. It took ages to get Jen to sleep and all he wants is to get back into his wellknown environment. Is that so? Isn’t Mart right?
With a weak move he lets the heavy luggage drop down to the ground and sighs.
„Look, Dave – you planned to take a few days off with your family anyway – now you use the time, for heaven’s sake – not slipping back into your New York City anonymity. Is Jenny already up?“
He eyes upstairs, listening for any signs of activity.
„Andy and Siv will be back soon from the hospital – John is picking them up. Chris and Peter are in the studio. It’s just your closest friends, Dave – wanting to back you up.“
„I’m glad Jack takes care of Rosie.“
Dave let’s himself sink onto the large suitcase, obviously still shattered about the sobs and tears – the terrified expression in his little daughter’s eyes.
„Well, Suzy welcomed them over and the kids get along well, as you know. We really have to take them out off the frontline for a while.“
„Whom do you tell, Martin? Siv didn’t want to go outside – she wanted to surprise just me and you for a start – but I had to talk her into it! It’s always me – to ruin everything! I do not deserve anything or anybody! Fuck!“
Now Martin deeply sighs and walks over to his desperate friend who bends over and hides his face in his hands – deeply in shame and sorrow. Not this record again! He knows the ‚lyrics’ backwards meanwhile. Gently embracing him he lets his head rest on Dave’s shoulder.
„Let Jen sleep for a while. Come with me.“
Cautiously he nudges his mate and then drags him across the hallway – into his study, locking the door from the inside. Besides the usual desk and interiour there’s a large, white leather couch – broad, soft and inviting.
Martin slowly pushes Dave onto it, onto his back – crawling over him – reaching for a plaid to cover them.
„Curly...“ „No, don’t say a word now, Dave. Let me take care of you, giving you the comfort you need now. It’s safe here in my arms, baby. Let go. I’m holding you.“
Bit by bit he feels the body tension decrease and David slips closer against his body, nesting in his embrace.
This time it’s not about animal magnetism, sexual desire – it’s more about the healing powers that resides under every human being’s skin – granted by the sole and simple touch of hands or lips – body against body. The secret of life – the miracle of unconditional love. And Martin knows that Dave believes in miracles, too. It’s not just waiting for divine intervention – it’s this closeness, the undescribable, magic bond between people – and it doesn’t ask for gender or age.
***
When Andy unlocks the front door the first thing I see is a huge suitcase blocking the way – resting in the middle of the hallway.
„Geez, that’s Dave’s!“
As the house appears quiet at first sight we both get inside and I try to shove the heavy item a bit against the wall.
„Sivvi, you shouldn’t...!“, Andy starts when I signal him to keep quiet. There’s a faint sound of sobbing coming down the way and I finally stand in front of Mart’s study. It’s definitely Dave and then I hear the soft murmur of another male voice. It’s Mart, no doubt. I quickly give Andrew a sign to retreat towards the living room which is at the other end of the corridor.
We cuddle on one of the sofas for about half an hour when there’s a movement in the doorway. Staring into Jennifer’s pale face is not really what I desire at this point of time and I feel Andy already straightening and catching his breath.
„Have you seen David?“
I try to sort my toughts and emotions.
„Not himself in person, but his luggage obstructs the hallway.“, Andrew replies with a certain portion of cynism in his voice.“ When seeing the despair and pain in Jen’s face he softens down a bit.
„I think he’s with Martin – talking, getting his balance right.“
Jennifer’s lips are twitching and she appears not really stable on her feet. She’s not able to face me directly – her eyes fluttering around. I can’t watch this any longer. Her helpless guestures and the threatening collaps lets me rise from the cushions and walk towards her. I hear Andy’s baffled voice in my back.
„Sweetheart, what are you doing?!“
Taking Jen gingerly by her left arm I usher her to the open door.
„Come, I guide you back upstairs. Looks you need some rest.“
The last bit of colour is fading from her face now – staring at me in absolute disbelief. Then she falls over and I just can catch her lean form. Andy lifts her up and places her gently onto the nearby couch.
„Siv, you’re not supposed to carry heavy things!“
„Hell, Andrew! She’s neither heavy nor a ‚thing’! I’m just glad you didn’t manage to tell her to piss off and leave me alone!“
„What’s this all about?“
David suddenly stands in the middle of the room, Martin following the next moment. When he sees his wife unconscious on the cushions he’s at her in a glimpse, kneeling down next to her and caressing her lifeless face.
LXXXVII.
There’s a rap at the door and I slowly turn towards the sound, wiping my eyes.
„Can I come in, please?“
The sound of David’s smooth, deep voice lets me cringe for a second and then I answer his call. He steps into the bedroom Martin and Andy complimented me into a few hours ago – as I wasn’t able to keep up with all the pain any longer. No clue where Andy is at the moment – it was just the best to leave me on my own to sink into the oblivion of an exhausted sleep.
„I’m so sorry!“ He sits down at the edge of the bed and looking into his dark eyes I can see all the torment and suffering there – whirling in his irises. I softly drag him closer by his arm till he falls next to me onto the sheets. When our arms finally close around each other he lets out a relieved sigh.
„Are you two OK?“ His long fingers trace the forms of my tummy – and the worried tone in his low voice doesn’t escape me.
„Yes, I think we are, David.“ I swallow and then continue with a slightly shaky voice. „Are you?“
I know it’s stupid to ask having seen his expression.
„Time will tell, angel. We’re leaving to Long Island tomorrow morning. Jack and the kids are already there now. He just called a few minutes ago.“ He smoothes down my face with his right thumb.
„I asked Martin for a time out concerning the recordings and stuff.“
Then his head moves further down and he showers my belly with numerous, light kisses – resting his face against it then.
„You take good care of our little spark, promise me.“
„From a little spark may burst a mighty flame. He’s strong, a fighter – just like you and me.“
„He?“
„The longer I think about it – feel, contemplate, dream – the more I’m convinced it’s going to be a boy.“
„Baby, I’m not strong – just look at me!“
„David, I do all the time – looking at you, loosing myself in you and your indescribable love! That love is your strength. It let you stand up time and time again all those years. It dragged yourself out off the darkness – YOU did!“
„But...“ „But, yes – there have been always people around you loving you back – even if you weren’t able to see, feel or accept it – I know, I know – I’m the same.“
„Shush, please don’t cry! Angeleyes – don’t you cry for me!“
„Dave, I love you – that’s why.“ I gently wipe away his own that glisten now beneath his lids.
„So do I, Sivvi – even if this love will tear me into pieces – I love you.“
We lay there, entangled, for a while – just breathing and listening to our heartbeats.
„David, Andy and I got married last week – in private – just the two of us.“
„Thank god!“ He smiles at me and another tear makes it down his handsome face.
***
„Mart, stop driving me crazy!“
Curly buzzes around me not being able to hide his outbursts of joy.
„Mrs. Fletcher – do grant me the next dance, would you?“
„Gosh, I’m so tired by now my bones must be already lying beneath my bed!“
„Come on, one last dance!“
John, Chris and Peter have already left as the clock moved to 4.30 am. Dave got back upstairs to Jen who didn’t join us for dinner for obvious reasons. Sure – I wouldn’t be in the mood to party if I were in her situation. She let Dave excuse her – sending me a little note that still lies folded and untouched in my purse. I didn’t want to ruin my evening more than necessary – our evening to be concrete.
Martin’s curls tickle my face while he embraces me tightly, swirling me around to the rhythm of the music. Andy seems to slumber in one of the couch chairs – no surprise after all the drinks he had – and it wasn’t just grape juice.
Mart and me apparently are the only sober people in the room anyway – not counting Dave, of course who just nipped at his coke.
„Ugh, Brian Ferry...you’re not hitting on me, Martin Lee Gore, aren’t you? I’m a married woman!“
He snickers and lets me feel his hard on.
„No way, my naughty one!“
His lips silencing me and the next I realize is the refreshing air outside on the patio – where he manoeuverd me to – forcing me against the wall, kissing me passionately.
„I know, I know – just once more! He’s sloshed anyway.“
I try to move him away from me – at least a bit.
„Martin – this is cheating. If he’d know that’d be different – but this here is not better than what you did to Suzy all those years.“
„Darn, you really have talent to stick your finger straight into the wound!“
He lets his arms go at once and turns away from me.
„Curly, please! It just doesn’t feel right.“
He faces me again and I see the sadness in his eyes. This moment Andy stumbles onto the patio. His voice is slurring slightly as he addresses us.
„Ah, there’s my sweet wifey – with my best friend. Having fun without me?“
***
„I wanna fuck your wife.“
Mart directly focusses Andy now whose reactions come slowly due to the booze.
„Why is it every... fooking member of this... fucking band... wants to fuck... my... wife?! You’ve done it before – why need an invi...invitation now?“
„I told him it’s not OK now, that...I promissed my self to you and without you knowing...argh, I hate this! Let’s get a taxi back to the hotel!“
My stomach starts to complain now and all I want is to get away from this place, the people and the memories. Apparently my karma seems not satisfied yet. Another person enters the patio and the scent lets me nearly faint.
„Couldn’t help to follow your little conversation – our room is just up there.“, David cuts in and points up to the window above the terrasse.
Andrew takes the full water bottle that stands on the table next to him and empties it over his head. Shaking like Basil sometimes his pelage he looks into the round.
„I will take a ride back to the hotel. You deal here with whatever you have to. I expect you back for breakfast and will book the next open flights to London.“
Before one of us can answer he’s back inside the lounge and we hear his muffled voice – calling a cab.
Martin holds me back as I want to follow Andrew.
„No, you heard him.“
David approaches me from behind and I can sense his hot breath tickle my nape, his strong hands holding me by my hipbones.
„Let’s take this up to my bedroom“, Mart whispers into my ear, now embracing me from the front.
„What about...?“ „She took the prescribed sedatives – now let’s go. It will be the last time for a long while I’m afraid.“ Dave gingerly pushes me forward. „Or do I have to toss you over my shoulder?“
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