Somebody is dragging at me and it takes a while again till my conscience musters there must have been a time out again. My nostrils take in the scent and I sigh inwardly, knowing I’m in hospital for another time. So why opening my eyes?
„Mrs. Fletcher, come on – you nearly made it!“
Another voice, female now. OK, you won’t leave me in peace anyway! Blinking rapidly I try to adjust my view.
„We have to do a CT head scan – though you are pregnant.“
My memory still is blurred. What happened?! Where does this terrible headache result from?
The procedure takes place – somehow with me but without me really realizing what’s going on when my head disappears in that illuminated tunnel.
Two smooth leather cuffs are adjusted around my wrists. I can hear the clicking of the locks. Hot breath against my cheek and then my arms are lifted upwards and the other ends are obviously attached to the metal headboard of the bed. Then there are nails slowly scratching down from each inner arm, down over the crook to my arm pits – followed by a trail of soft kisses. This synchronicity really drives me nutz. When they start to bite along the way I can’t hold back my moans any longer.
„Someone seems to enjoy it.“ Dave’s voice is just a lustful whipser and then his teeth meet my neck, sucking in the delicate flesh – for sure feeling my pulse pounding there as he now growls from the depths of his rib cage. Mart’s curls tickle me slightly when he seems not to be able to hold himself back any longer and lets his tongue flick around my right nipple way earlier than his mate. Oh god – this stereo thing will be the death of me – and I can’t see all the evil and arousal in their eyes and expressions! Damn!
„Mrs. Fletcher, helloooo?“
Perplexed I stare into a nurse’s face above me. There’s a shift beneath me and it dawns me they just moved me out of that bleeding CAT.
„Sorry, I feel a bit dizzy.“
„Well, at least you seem to be able to respond again.“
„What the hell is going on here?!“
„Your husband told us you tripped over your feet and fell against the edge of a massive table.“
She eyes me and gently pats against my temple where I sense a bandage now.
„Yes – but you are very lucky. Scan results are negative.“, another man in clinic dress cuts in – a physician apparently.
„And now you want to keep me around for another day to make sure.“ Nothing surprises me anymore.
„Are you sure?“Nurse Alison gives me a puzzled glance.
„Yes, I certainly am.“
„He refused to leave all day. And he’s...well, very persistent.“
„I don’t want to see him in this room. If he thinks he needs to stay around, torturing himself, that’s up to him. There are things I have to come clean with myself now – on my own – tell him that.“
My nipples turn hard with the soft treatment of the two tongues dancing around them. The wet feeling makes me shiver, cold air hitting my skin. Again softness is alternating with roughness and my yells now increase in intensity – sensing their sharp teeth and nails. I so much want to pay them back all these violations – but I can’t move my arms and hands an inch.
When they finally reach my inner thighs I’m ready to burst. The wetness already must be seeping from my hot and swollen, slippery folds. Both men managed not to speak a single word so far. Just their accelerated breath is audible – paired with the slick sound of their wet lips on my skin, sucking my dear sanity out.
„Shush, we’re taking it smoothly now – not harming the baby.“
„I want to feel you deep and hard inside me now! Don’t you dare to stop now!“
A low chuckle and then my legs are lifted over someones shoulders. I can’t tell whose at first impression, but when I smell Mart’s cologne next to my face, starting to kiss me ferociously, that question is answered. Dave moves gently between my thighs, entering my throbbing channel and then builds up a moderate pace – thrusting in and out.
„Jesus, give me more, baby!“ I turn my head when Curly lets his lips slip for a short moment to catch some breath. „I want your big, hard cock!“
I don’t have to wait long. There’s a shift on the bed and then the tip of an already throbbing member is gingerly pressed against my lips. Not hesitating for a minute I let it inside my soft, wet cavern – licking along and then sucking it further in. It provokes an excited and loud growl on the receiving end and Martin fists my long hair – pushing my face against himself faster.
I arch my back on the bed – yelling out as lound as my vocal tendons allow me. Covered all in sweat I start to realize this was just another time lapse - the waves of pleasure still lingering in my heated body though.
Seeing the startled expression on the nurse’s face who dashes into the room let’s me finally arive back in reality. „Must have dozed off and had a hell of a dream.“ I look down at my sleepshirt which is soaking wet. „I could need some fresh clothes and a shower though.“
Back in changed sheets and nightie and alone again I search my purse for a certain item that still must be resting in the depths. Finding the tiny folded piece of paper I lean back against the pillow and start to read the busy handwriting.
please believe me I never wanted to harm the little life growing inside you. It just ripped my heart out again – seeing the manifestation of Dave’s deep feelings for you. He is my husband – my love and my life. I’m sure you can understand that – the more as we have kids. I should be so angry and pestered and yes, my hate was shortly blinding my view. When I recognized all the love in my daughters eyes – the way she embraced you – the sparkling smile when she talks with or about you...I saw this all fading away – been taking away from me – my family.
In some way my thoughts are irrational. On the other hand the harshness of the truth that lies within kills me every time I let them close to me. Is it too much to ask you to step back now? To leave the remains of my David to me? I have no idea what the future will have in it’s sleeve – but I know one thing: I need my husband and he still loves me, too. You have Andy and soon a child of your own. I know – sooner or later – when it’s grown older – you need to tell him or her who the biological father is – but grant me this span of time in peace!
I can’t tell you to stay away and never talk with each other again – and I don’t want to if I’m honest with myself. Sometimes you have to let go to make people stay with you. That’s a lesson you will have to learn yourself – if you haven’t already.
Andrew loves you dearly – think about it.
When I get out off the cab in front of the hotel I already have an odd feeling rumbling in my stomach. The guy at the reception greets me with a stereotype smile and hearing my name he hands me the keycard and an envelope. I decide to read that note later and head for the elevator.
Entering the suite it appears deserted. As I need to follow a natural body function I sneak into the bathroom. Andy’s private things have disappeared from the cabinet. No shaver, no toothbrush, no cologne – no nothing! Rushing back into the bedroom I open the closet and only find my clothes hanging in there.
With a deep sigh and feeling kinda electricity buzzing through my system I sit down onto the comforter and rip the letter open. It seems to be the time again that people around me start writing instead of talking. OK, I didn’t let him.
if I still can call you this. I don’t know what to say – and I’m afraid you feel the same. You not letting me near you in that fooking hospital was information enough though.
Yes, I’m hurt – and jealous. Am I a stupid bastard though for still loving you? God, I’m not better as Jennifer! You could have lost the baby! I would have never found any absolution for that – not even from myself.
My heart bleeds – still hearing your words echoing about anulling the marriage. Sweatheart – please! We both were in a rage! I still stand to my word – everything I ever told you about you making my life complete again. I love you.
I’m glad I can’t see your disturbed face when you find the suite the way it is – me departed. I’m contacting the solicitor concerning the legal directives as time runs short now. The papers will need your signature as well. As you’re in medical care I might obtain adjoumment. So make up your mind. I will not stand in your way – whatever decision you might come to.
I’m not the type crouching on my knees – you know that.
My fingers are slightly trembling after I read his lines for what must be the fourth time. Everything in me feels cold and on halt. So is this the final straw?
„I can’t promise not to hurt you again, my Andy.“
Sniffing already I hectically stick the letter back into the creased envelope and muster the flight coupon that came with it. I just need to go to the check in and receive my ticket. My flight to London is scheduled for the early afternoon – means I would be back on british soil around 11 pm. As it’s already 10.15 am here there’s not much time frame. It’s a 10hrs flight. I better pack my stuff. There will be way enough time to torture my poor brain during the flight.
My mobile buzzes and I jump off the bed to rummage in my purse.
„Sivvi, you’re back at the hotel?“
„Yes, Martin. Andy took a flight yesterday as it looks. He left a ticket for me – I need to hurry getting my gear stuffed into the suitcase and then off to the airport.“
I hope he gets the message I’m not in the mood for a lengthy conversation.
„OK, I’ll pick you up in about an hour? Is that OK? No way you’re going on your own!“
„Curly, please! I’m grown up.“
„Baby, I had a talk with Andy. I know what’s on the menu. Dave nearly was flipping again, but I could convince him to take Jenny and then leaving to their summer house. He’s got enough problems on his own. So he didn’t avoid you – I made him leave for good.“
„Not another letter!“
„Well, I got one from Jen and I just read one from Andy. Wouldn’t surprise me if there was another one waiting.“
„No, but I have something else to give to you.“
I roll my eyes in desperation.
„In an hour – the limo I know?“
„Yes – I will call chauffeur service. See you then, angeleyes.“
„God, you look pale, baby!“
Mart pecks my cheeks and when the doors of the dark limousine finally close and we are hidden behind tinted windows he pulls me into a firm embrace, kissing me properly this time. With light fingers he slides over the huge band aid that sticks on top of the three stitches that had been necessary to close the cut that resulted from my contact with the table edge. The blue and green shades around it look quite impressive – covering nearly half of my face. I literally froze when I saw myself in the mirror the first time.
„Bloody hell – you look like after a prize fight! Andy is an animal!“
„Shush – it wasn’t him – not directly.“
„He told me so – but it was his beeding fault!“
„Let it rest, Martin. I already had enough.“
I lean against his chest, closing my eyes and inhale his lovely aroma. His hand remains on my hair, brushing over it every now and then.
„Don’t make any hasty decisions. I’m not worth it – nor is Dave. It’s you who have to ask yourself if you feel the same for Andy as he does for you. You have no idea how hard he takes all this, angel. I know him – showing his pain to that extent is way above the usual scale for him – except for Grainne perhaps.“
„It’s just – my whole world seems to come tumbling down. And now there’s this little one in me – demanding my love and care as well. I seem to make all the same mistakes again and again – hurting everyone around me – and myself.“
„Baby, look at me, please.“
He lifts my chin and his deep, green eyes lock view with me.
„Do you really think getting involved with me and Dave was a mistake? All the feelings we have for each other?“
„You see where this was leeding us...I don’t know what to think anymore!“
„Hey, angeleyes – you’re just confused! Relax!“
„From your position that’s convenient to say! What do YOU have to loose in the end?!“
He looks taken aback now.
„My heart? One of my dearest friends?“
„I’m sorry, Curly! Gosh, you see I just blabber idiotic shit! And now I’m hurting you!“
He kisses my forehead.
„It needs more to make me feel real pain. You are not at your usual senses – I understand and I’m there for you – always was as you well know. You’re not going to change that, you hear me?“
I silently nod my head – feeling ashamed.
„Got everything, Sivvi?“
I check my purse for the last time. My baggage already is checked in and it’s just the nervewrecking security check ahead.
„Yeah, I think so.“
The blonde curly man searches something in his pocket.
„Here – this is from Dave and me. Keep it safe. Every time you feel bad take it into your hands and remember.“
He places a pair of black, braided silk bondages into my left palm.
„In pleasure and pain.“
„In pleasure and pain, Martin.“ I have to swallow hard, feeling the soft yet strong material on my skin – clasping my fingers around it.
„Our love is bitter-sweet, like dark chocolate. You added the lavender flavour to it.“
„Oh, god – Curly! I’m so scared to make the wrong decisions!“
He presses me close to his body, holding me tight and safe.
„Don’t be. Your heart will guide you – as it always did so far. Be patient with Andy – and even more with yourself, baby!“
I slowly slip out off his embrace as my flight is called for the second time now. Watching the man in front of me I know he’s right. He’s hopelessly devoted to Dave – knowing him in a relationship, too. He’s experienced for sure concerning all the tribulations – bearing them. We all will never really be free.