The bed sheets are smooth and cool to the touch. Andy’s warm, naked body next to mine, my head resting on his arm. His fingers follow the lines of my lips.
„Nah, don’t you bite! I still need this finger very much!“
„Oh yeah – world’s most famous one finger keyboarder!“
„No wonder you get into trouble all the time – naughty as you are! Didn’t your parents teach you manners?!“
„Humh, they taught me a lot – lots of bits for my grey cells – not sure about heart and soul though.“ My voice trails off.
„I know. It’s all written in your eyes – in the way you smile – the way you kiss. Though you try to hide it well.“ He forces me gently to look at him. „And no, this is not going to be the ‚I tell you all of my sad, fucked up life’ night – and I could tell you my fair share as well. There’s no need for that now. And you don’t really want to talk about it anyway. All that matters is to be here – holding each other this very moment. So rest your troubled heart. It’s safe in my hands.“
Two or three tears find their way down my cheeks. I hate to be so weak!
„Shush – it’s all right. It will take a while till you heal.“ He adjusts his cushion.
„Dave didn’t get enough love during his childhood as well. He should be wiser though meanwhile. That’s why I’m really pissed with him – cause he told me on the phone that he’d show you the world in his eyes – shortly after that talk show. I saw you two on TV that evening – and I couldn’t shake you warning you. Dave said it was like looking into a mirror for him – he was so excited – whatever I told him must have completely slipped off his conscience. You’re still the kid with big blue eyes staring into the world looking for the ultimate, true love. He’s the same – only he’s used to foul the ball sometimes, just for his own advantage.“
„Stop it, Andy! He can’t be that bad! I would have detected it!“
„Siv, he’s not a bad guy as such. He won’t let many people see his real inside. If you thought you had him he just slips through your fingers again. It’s that he just gets what he wants most of the time – not realizing that it might affect the other person not necessarily in a positive way. And you’re the same concerning taking what you can get.“
I start to blush.
„But you will remain hungry – and sort of lonely. You can’t fill the gap in the past. Say finally good-bye to the idea that you could get all the love back you never had. There’s no substitute for that. And there’s no need for it as you live now – and you should start to feel the love around you. It’s different but as strong and healing as the one lost. You need to let go the pain first.“
„That’s the toughest part of it.“
„It is – just ask Dave. Nah, you can ask me as well. We’re all not that much different on this planet.“
He smiles at me again. „You didn’t expect me to go that deep, did you? And I didn’t even use my dick to get under your skin.“ He softly touches my crawlies. Every single hair is standing on my arms.
„So let’s call this a day now.“ He yawns. „And no, I won’t sing you a lullaby. Even my kids protested when I tried those days.“
Needless to say it takes a while to fall asleep. I try to concentrate on Andy’s heartbeat, cuddling close to him. After a while Morpheus finally opens his arms.
„Could you pass me the butter, please?“ Andy tosses it over to me. His eyes stick to the morning newspaper.
„By the way – did you switch off your mobile?“
„Yeah, I did, why?“ I reach for my purse and fetch it. Andy’s expression is kinda stern.
„You will soon see, why.“
After activation I see the text message symbol zooming in and out. 5 messages. Unfamiliar numbers. I open the first one. It’s from Kessler. He wants me to meet in his office for some business concerning my website. Argh, not another complaint again! I have no idea what he might be after. The other 4 are from...Dave?!
„Andy, tell me if I should open these messages. You seem to know something.“
He puts down the sheets of paper.
„Open them“, he simply replies.
Sorry I missed you on the phone! I need to talk to you – please call back! –Dave
The next one reads:
Hey, did you switch off your mobile? When you read this, please give me a call! –Dave
Third one goes:
Siv, please call me back! It’s important! –Dave
I hesitate a little to open the last one.
Did I mess anything up? Please talk to me! –Dave
„What the frigg...?!“ I flip the mobile closed.
„Siv, he already called here this morning to ask me if I’d know anything about you and if you’re OK.“
„What did you tell him?“
„That I had no clue and you would have your reasons to switch off your cell phone. I wanted to know what’s so important to get you.“
I give him a questioning look.
„His answer was sorta that’s his business. And then he asked me: ‚Andrew, is she in your bed?’ You can imagine my jaw dropped to the floor for a moment.“
„Siv, he’s waiting in the lounge for you – I had to open the door when he rang.“
The colour drops off my face – I can feel it.
„He’s not – Andy tell me, he’s not in there!“ My throat feels dry and my voice sounds hoarse.
„Actually he is...“ I turn around and see Dave standing in the door frame. „Would you please be so nice and come over with me – I need to talk to you in private.“ He walks away again. I slowly follow him, shrugging my shoulders.
When I enter the lounge David is leaning against the window, smoking a cigarillo.
„So is Andy good in bed?“
I feel some hot anger rising inside of me but I try to stay calm.
„It’s none of your business – but I can’t tell – we didn’t have sex.“
He turns around now, sarcastically smiling.
„You have spent all night here, wearing his Shirt and Boxers – come on! And I saw the looks you exchanged yesterday – I’m not stupid, you know!“
I sink into the couch.
„God, David! You should hear yourself! Do I smell jealousy in the room?!“ I snip a crum off the table „And stop treating me like a slut – you’re not better than JK concerning that!“
He inhales another drag, his hand shaking slightly.
„Leave John out of this!“
„Then you stop talking bullshit about me and Andy. He’s a great, sensitive pal to discuss matters of life with – nothing more. But if I see and hear you like this I wish I had given in when Andy and me were together in the whirlpool last night!“
I jump up and want to leave the room. It’s just too much seeing him in that state. But I don’t make to the door. Fast as a cat he’s after me, grabs my arms and pushes me violently against the next wall. One leg is making its way between mine and his lips close around mine in a bruising, demanding kiss. It’s like a whirlwind coming over me and I can’t move an inch. He’s really biting me now.
„Oouch, Dave – let go!“ He ignores me completely, his hand running down between my legs, tearing down the boxers. I sense his fingers frantically thrusting inside of me.
„David Gahan!“ Andrew’s thunderous voice echoes trough the room. „If you want to leave this premises with all of your body parts you instantly get your paws off her, you hear me!“
Dave freezes and lets his hands go off me – realizing what he’s just been doing in kinda frenzy.
I drop down to the floor, uncontrollably shaking.
„Siv, I’m sorry – I really am! Gosh, I didn’t mean to!“ He tries to help me up.
„Don’t you dare to touch me again!“ I spit at him. What happened to the nice, hot guy that licked lavender chocolate off my body?!
„I better go then.“ He turns to Andy who pulls him roughly into the next chair.
„You’ll be going nowhere soon – now we all talk!“
He comes over to me, helps me up to my feet and I blush heavily, adjusting the boxers again. He wraps me into a plaid and pushes me gently onto the couch. He himself takes the other couch chair.
„So what on earth is going on here, David?! Are you nutz or on something again?!“
Dave throws a scowl to him but remains silent at first – then it’s blurting out off him.
„The question is who’s fucking things up here, Andy! You know damn well how I feel for her.“
„Ah, now I’m just ‚her’ – thank you very much!“
„You shut up for a while – I’m talking to Fletch now!“
„Who do you think you are – you shut the fuck up, David! I still can’t believe you wanted to force me to have sex with you! And it’s for sure none of my fantasies in the book!“
„Wrong! Forgot about the copy room?“
Shit! He’s right.
Andy intervenes again.
„Hellooo?! Earth to Dave – this is for real – you scared her to death. Look, she’s still trembling. You’re such a bastard!“
It seems to dawn Dave that he definitely must have been totally off the rails as he buries his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks up I can see tears in his eyes.
„Baby, please believe me – I really didn’t mean any harm to you – I...I was just so pestered you didn’t answer my calls and knowing you staying with Andy didn’t make it any better. As I wanted to tell you I couldn’t forget about our night in the suite – and I needed to see you again.“
I let out a deep sigh.
„A plain text message would have sufficed, sorta ‚I miss you to bits – I need to see you again’, don’t you think?“
„Hah, and you reading it while in Andy’s arms, very amusing thought!“
„Dave, I told you there’s nothing! Andy, please!“
„You know, I really don’t like this at all, Dave - but if you honestly want to know – yeah, I tried and we we’re so close to do it, but it didn’t feel right in the end. I’m afraid it’s you she wants, not me – well, not in that sense I mean.“ He winks at me.
„Argh, Andy – stop hurting yourself for me! I know you feel bad about it – and I do either! But yes, I wanted you, Dave, more – but as you pointed out in several interviews you’re the master of self sabotage. Congrats!“