The daylights slowly fade and all those lovely pastel nuances from violet to golden orange and yellow now bath the scenery in a moody tonal range. Dave still sits glued to the rock, his face braced on his hands. Finally he moves and opens the laptop again. Not having the heart to read on he starts flipping through the pages again.
Santa Barbara, May 9th, 1998
It’s your second birthday being clean and sober, Dave! I’m so proud of you and your strength! You never looked healthier – and hotter to me! Thank god you got your hair cut – that’s YOURSELF again! Makes me want to run my fingers through your short, soft hair. Those full, pouty lips – oh my god – your boyish smile is back and those incredible sparks in your abyssmal deep, olive eyes! Once again I wish I was the reason – but all you have in mind is Jennifer. As much as she might be your angel – I would do better – if you just would let me! I have to steel every moment, every touch, every smile!
Oh, I was a bad boy those days – when we toured the Masses. Reminds me I need to type all the entries before ’95 – yet for once I’m too busy and honestly – it would break me to relive all those feelings of wanting and desperation again. So I will leave the handwritten pages where they are, carefully hidden in my studio – and in my heart – no need Suzy should find them in the drawer of my night stand.
It was in the tourbus – we were somewhere behind Sacramento I think. You were so loaded you couldn’t look straight and finally tripped over into my bunk. You didn’t even make it up to your own. I closed the privacy curtain and just watched you breathing for a while. Your lips were slightly parted and alone that view nearly made me gasp. Slowly I crept over you and softly closed my lips around yours. I tasted all the beer and tobacco – yet there was still your very own sweet aroma and I was close to faint. My cock was already massively stirring in my leather jeans. As there was no reaction at all I pulled the white wife beater over your shoulders and head. Your chest was heaving and those tiny nipples... I had to bend over and lick them! They were hardening under the swirls of my tongue. Boy, I was so close to explode – the leather painfully keeping my dick at bay! Licking and kissing down your taut tummy my hand instinctively ubuttoned your white jeans and the sound of the zipper sent crawlies down my spine. You naughty boy didn’t wear any undies – and this time I really gasped and couldn’t suppress a moan! There it was – your absolutely stunningly beautiful member – strong, hard and proud! I clasped my trembling fingers around it and gingerly kissed the tip – then circling around with my tongue. I will never forget how you taste – how you feel and smell, David! After some more twists with my trained fingers I felt your muscles tense – licking your balls I recognized them lifting up and I had to hurry to close my mouth around your cock before he ejected your cum. Those spasms and jerks – my whole body was vibrating with the sensation! I swallowed all possible and then rested my face in your lap – trying to get my composure back.
Your eyes were still tightly closed – you moaned silently every now and then – yet anybody passing by would have thought it was just your intoxicated state. Hesitantly I set everything back at the supposed place, zipped and buttoned you and then silently crept out off the bunk bed. No surprise I didn’t find any sleep that night. I just let myself fall into one row of seats in the back of the bus, pressed my glowing face against the cool window pane and closed my eyes – your gorgeous taste still lingering on my lips. The next morning you had a terrible hangover and was wondering how the hell you ended up in my bed – being relieved to have woken up in there alone.
Yes, you still look that innocent – like that infamous night in your sleep – and all I can think of is how I could get into your pants! Looking at my kids I should be ashamed – but I’m not! It’s such a pure, clean and superior feeling – it’s love! It can’t be wrong – it’s no sin.
And then I see you and Jennifer and my heart stops a beat. I know you’re on the right path – I just wish I could be a major part of it – your companion – your lover.
The sky above meanwhile is dark lilac. David tries to find a clear thought – more a clear status of his feelings. The passion – the intensity of Martin’s emotions captures him – flusters him. No women ever was so concrete about her inner self concerning him – except Jennifer perhaps. Well, that’s different anyway.
Sensing the now cooler breez on his bare arms he closes the laptop and carefully slips it into his backpack. The beach is deserted at this advanced hour. Following kinda impulse he steps down towards the sandy area near the water. Setting down his bag he starts undressing impatiently and piles his clothes up next to his shoes.
With some fast and firm strides he’s into the salty, fresh water and let’s himself fall backwards into the small waves. Feeling the soft yet hard ground against his back and the water gushing over him again and again he let’s out a deep, loud moan.