Chapter 9

“Did you clean up the bathroom too?” he heard Sue’s bossy voice from the bedroom.

“Nearly ready with it” Martin answered after drinking some water in the kitchen and walking back to their room. He watched his pretty wife getting ready for the party she planned to attend with her friends.

“Isn’t this dress a bit too revealing?” Mart asked quietly and frowned.

“I’m one of the DJs, this is work. I have to sell myself and my music” she glimpsed at him coldly from the mirror as she put on a necklace that fit to the halter she was wearing.

Mart followed the move and let his gaze wander on her still nice body. Yeah, she looked hot, but somehow he didn’t feel anything inside when he looked at her. He felt cold and empty. He shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck.

“After all I’m the one who works - again, even if we still have from the money you’ve got for that lil’ trip of yours” she put on some lip-gloss and was ready to go. Martin just hummed with a neutral expression and let her pass him. She turned back for a moment “Oh and now the bathroom is all yours. Make sure that Calo and Ava goes to bed in time!”

“Yes, sweetheart…” he murmured and stood there motionless until he heard the front door close. He sighed and walked into the bathroom to finish his work. He just wanted to get over with it and go outside on the balcony and listen to the traffic’s noises and think. In the last few days nothing really mattered to him – even his kids failed to cheer him up. Of course he did everything to take care of them, but he froze emotionally. He wasn’t really there with them or with Sue. Yeah, when his wife decided that she was in the mood for punishing her underdog… even during her wicked tortures he was somewhere else – with someone else. Every time he thought on Dave in such a situation, he got a painful hard on within seconds. He couldn’t help himself, he had to imagine him doing these things to him. He wondered how it would feel being tied up and whipped and sometimes even ‘raped’ by David. Or how it would feel to tie the singer up and do the same things to him… Would he enjoy it? Would he beg for more on that excitingly deep voice? Would he want Mart to fuck him hard when he cannot take it anymore? Would he scream his name in the moment he cums?

He knew that his twisted mind was torturing him with these things, but he just couldn’t stop thinking about what could have happened if they had more time together. He would’ve never confessed to anybody that he imagined every kind of scenarios about the two of them.

“But I fucked up again…” he mumbled and started cleaning the tiles with stronger moves. It felt like he missed the last opportunity with not standing up for himself and take what he wanted. David, he wanted David from nearly the first moment he saw him. It could’ve been a quite romantic something, but things took a different turn. Yes, first he was angry at the singer for turning him in that corner and then stopping him before they could go any further. He licked his mouth and closed his eyes. He could clearly remember the taste of his lips and the way that long tongue battled with his. Mart moaned quietly but shook his head and let his growing bulge go. ‘Fuck, I’m pathetic!’ he thought and went on with rubbing those damned tiles. It was pointless dreaming about him. He was out of reach and will stay that way.

So he just did what he was told and endured Sue’s rude comments and other things, not paying too much attention to her. He froze his emotions like he rarely did in the past too, instead of wallowing in self-pity. David was past now.

Even so, sometimes he couldn’t stop his mind and the singer appeared in his thoughts, like a cruel reminder of his newest mistake.

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“Daddy, daddy, can I try out my new color pencils?” Rosie asked in the minute they entered the flat.

“Sure, sweetie. Do you know in which bag we’ve put them?” he frowned and put the several bags down on a table.

“Yes, they are in one of these” she lifted the ones she was still holding in her hands “All my new school stuffs are here” she smiled.

“Good. Then go and unpack them. But later you know you have to help me with the housework. We want to surprise mommy, remember?”

“Yep. I’ll be quick!” she promised and ran towards her room.

David smiled and after getting rid off his jacket and scarf he started unpacking too. The weather became suddenly unusually chilly on this late August day. He switched on the TV in the living room and searched for a music channel. He was lucky, there was a Doors top 10 on. He turned up the volume and went back to the kitchen to quickly prepare lunch for himself and the kids.

By the time Rosie reappeared, the food was ready and they ate chatting about her upcoming new school year and the practices she’ll pick up for the afternoons. Everything went smoothly in their daily routine and soon they were ready to do the housework that was waiting for them. They both were absorbed in what they were doing when a familiar tune hit his ear from the TV. He froze when he recognized it. It was the love song Martin wrote to that girl band. He glimpsed at the screen and soon his legs gave out and he sank down on the sofa. He felt powerless as he listened to the song and everything clicked into place. He couldn’t do anything but facing himself.

The last long months since that night in the club were torture for him. He’d been trying to find a solution to his problem, but couldn’t come up with anything. The only option he has is to leave his family behind and try to find the real Dave Gahan somewhere out there… But he was scared. Was he strong enough for this? Was this video a sign to take that step? His ears were ringing and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. What if that’s the only solution? He’s been battling with himself in the last few months and now he saw everything so clearly as if someone has opened his eyes.

“Daddy, it’s for you!” Rosie ran to her father with his cell.

He was still sitting there grabbing a dusty rag with one hand, staring at the ending pictures of the video. “Huh? Uhm, who is it, sweetheart?”

“It’s uncle John” she smiled at him and he forced a smile onto his face too before taking his cell from her.

Next chapter

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