Chapter 29

‘What the hell is he doing?’ Dave asked himself searching for Mart again. His lover seemed to locked himself up in a room in the last two days, like a mysterious princess and Dave wasn’t able to pull out of him what he was doing. Mart just said that he had to do some stuff and he was late again from the studio so Dave went to drag him down. He was sure where he’ll find him.

“Hey stranger, we are waiting only for you downstairs…” he leant against the doorframe and his voice made Mart jump a bit. “What are you up to?” he smiled at the blond man with his guitar on his lap, some wrinkled papers lying around him on the bed.

“Nothing. Just some songs” he shrugged and tried to quickly collect the papers.

“Can I see them?”

“No. Not yet!” he said and pressed the papers against his chest like a little boy who got caught while doing something top secret.

First Dave frowned then couldn’t suppress a smile. “Ooookay… then… will you come down or do you want us to start without you?”

“I’ll be there in a minute” he said and Dave could have sworn that Mart actually blushed a bit.

“Fine… then I’ll see you downstairs” he said and left the other man alone.

Martin sighed and looked at the papers in his hand, reading through the lines then grabbed a pen and crossed out a word and wrote down another one instead, nodding and humming to himself. ‘It’s still not good enough, though…’ he thought and crossed out another line.

---

Dave was sitting on the terrace, smoking and talking on the phone with Rosie. He missed his little girl and it seemed that not being around somehow helped in their father-daughter relationship, because they started to talk more on the phone. And he was glad for that, though he still felt some distance between them. After hanging up, he drank another round from the vodka and finished his cigarette. He sighed and thought about Mart again. In the last couple of days Dave tried to give him some space. He didn’t want to force himself on him and he saw that the other musician was working on something, so he tried to hold himself back. It was hard not to jump on him and force him to talk, but Dave became extra careful, because he didn’t want to lose Mart. Yes, he panicked when he had left him there in the bed a few days ago. And he swore to himself that he won’t ruin this with his damned insecurity.

He was about to reach out for the bottle again when someone stole it from him.

“Hey!” he looked up and saw Martin take a long sip from it. This made Dave smile, but before he could say a word, the blonde man pushed a CD under his nose.

“What’s this?” he took it and looked at it. Just two words were on the disc: “for Dave” with Mart’s handwriting.

“Uhm… just listen to it, okay? I have to go now. I have some business to do.”

“Err… okay” Dave frowned and watched as Mart hurried across the garden. He didn’t understand what this was about, but then just shrugged and went back to the room and put on the CD. He sat back on the bed and closed his eyes as the nice slow electronic music started, accompanied by the piano. When he heard Mart’s familiar and beloved voice starting to sing, goosebumps appeared on his skin. And then he sat up and opened his eyes which welled up as he went on listening to the lyrics.

Oh you sad one
Playing the angel
Isn't so easy where you're from

Oh you wild one
Devil's companion
You won't stay satisfied for long

I don't want you to change anything you do
I don't want you to be someone else for me

Oh you dark one
Eternal outsider
Caught in the spider's web you've spun

Oh you blind one
Gentle and kind one
Seeing the world as a loaded gun

Stay as you are
The darkest star
Shining for me
Majestically

(Depeche Mode – The Darkest Star)

“Holy fuck…” Dave breathed and just stared in front of him. He tried to wipe away his tears, but fresh ones slid down on his face and he just couldn’t stop it – but he didn’t really care. First he was confused but as he listened to the song again, slowly happiness spread inside of him, because he thought he knew what this meant. Now he knew it, there was the proof…

He was still sobbing when after a few minutes he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and when he looked up, he saw Martin standing there with a little smile in the corner of his lips. His serious look softened as he sat down next to his love and let him crawl into his lap right away.

“I love you too…” Dave moaned and kissed him desperately, curling up on Mart’s lap as much as he was able to.

The other man smiled into the kiss and started stroking Dave’s back and thigh comfortingly. Then he took his face into one hand and looked deep into his eyes “I’m sorry”.

“It’s okay” Dave smiled from the bottom of his heart and let some more teardrops fall.

Mart wiped them away and kissed him softly. “I wasn’t ready.”

“I know.”

“I… I love you, Dave.”

The singer couldn’t stop himself and hugged him tight. This single sentence meant the world to him in that moment. “I’m so happy! So very happy” he said hoarsely into Mart’s neck “Thank you for the song… and for your love” he whispered.

Martin didn’t say a word just hugged him back and looked into the shining dark eyes again. He saw how happy he made him and his heart missed a beat from the sight. And he knew he did the right thing and that Dave forgave him. And he let his walls fall down and felt as his love for this man filled him up as their lips met for a deep kiss again.

---

After Mart’s confession things got right between the lovers and they just enjoyed each other’s company and spent some more time with the other couple too, letting them teach them to pleasures they didn’t know yet. The work on the album went well too. Jonathan visited a few times and seemed satisfied with the progress. Another change was that Martin started to look at Christian more and more like a friend, too. He didn’t mind that the blonde drummer knew mostly everything about the two of them. He knew it was good for Dave to be able to talk about these things with his best friend as well.

The only negative feeling Dave and Martin had was from that certain day that came closer and closer – the last day of their work. They both agreed that they started to hate these days, but they couldn’t avoid them. Although now they weren’t that sad like previously, because they agreed that they’ll meet whenever it will be possible. But neither of them knew how often that’ll happen. Until that day they tried to enjoy the remained time they could spend together.

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