Policy of Truth
By: Rawiya

“I’m sorry John, can yoo hold on a moment…,” was what I heard out of Dave.

‘Who is he talking to? His wife…’

I sat there impatiently, twiddling my thumbs. This call was not supposed to be as long but, I just felt the need to hear Dave Gahan’s voice. That sexy, proper accent made my denims a little tight.

Okay, now I am starting to admit to myself that I could like Dave, I could be more than just intrigued.

How could I not be? When another individual talks to you like he has done to me. The naughty things that have came out of his mouth today have made me rethink my whole position about just wanting a small piece of the pie. I mean, it would have to be done discreetly, because I would never leave Simon.

In addition, I would need to hide this really well from Gela since she is really good at finding things out. Such is the case when she discovered the “relationship” I had with my vocalist; cannot pull the wool over her eyes.

As I was creating the meeting with Dave in my head…

“I’m sorry sweetheart, can I call yoo back?” Dave returned, obviously whomever it was bothering him would not go away.

“No problem, mate. Give yoo a ring late tonight, yeah?” I answered. I would call him again before I went to sleep.

“Alright, sweetheart, bye…” he said making me smile like a schoolgirl.

I pushed the disconnect on my Blackberry, tossing it above my head. Simon had gone out to grab some snacks so we could watch a movie in front of the tele.

Attempting to get comfortable, I adjusted myself on the bed thinking about my desired Moder.

‘Still unbelievable that he wants me when all they used to do was take jabs at us whenever they could.’

Though, I found it rather interesting that he wants me after all these years. In his psychosis, did he create that argument we had on purpose just to have a discussion? I was starting to question a lot about Gahan; I had to make some sense of this sudden lust he claimed to have.

Moreover, if he is telling the truth, why did he not tell me how he felt; keeping up appearances is the first reason, of course. What is the second? Martin? Or someone else that he knew who would not appreciate his affection for somebody in the rival Brit band?

The more I pondered over Dave Gahan’s desire for me, I could not help but smile. Most definitely, he was the last person on earth I would expect to have these feelings.
“Ah, that makes it all even more fun…” I said softly upon hearing the heavy footsteps of my lover, Lebon.

Immediately the door opened, I rose up slowly looking into those beautiful blues that had not lost their color.

“John, yoo won’t guess wot Nick jus told me. This is the most stupidest thing. Remember we talked about Martin earlier before we met with him and Gahnnnnn…” Simon said once more making fun of my new favorite Moders name.

I rolled my eyes, “Yes Simon but the name is Gahan, G-A-H-A-N, not Gahnnn…”

Simon stopped, putting the bags on the floor in front of the bed. “Gee love, it did not seem to matter to yoo that I was poking fun at the fuckers name earlier, wot’s the deal?”

Wryly, I smiled trying to think of an excuse.

At Dave’s home…

“Who were yoo talkin’ to, why can yoo not come out to the living space to sit with me and yor wife? Where ar yor manners?” This idiot said to me, acting like he was my mother.

“Wot the…” I jumped up immediately, meeting him face to face. “Erm, I did not want to see yoo, wot the hell ar yoo doing here?”

“I…I came to see yoo Dave so we could be close again, all of us, yoo me, and Mart…Remember…” Alan Wilder said, rubbing his neck before taking my hand.

Quickly, I snatched it away. “Fuck yoo, okay? Yoo left me, Mart, and the band a long time ago. There is no forgiveness in this case.”

“For chrissakes, Dave, don’t say that. We had a good thing goin’ but as I told yoo, musically we were not agreeing on anything…”

“That’s because yoo were being difficult, is why. Yoo thought yoo were so much bigger than Depeche. Yoo ruined us, Alan. Andy has been an even larger asshole since yoo left…”

Alan smirked, “How is that possible?”

“Fuck yoo, Wilder! I want yoo out of my house right now! I want yoo gone, there is nothin’ left to discuss.”

I pushed him towards the door, forcing him out of my sight. Abruptly, he stopped, shifted around, before grabbing my hands, bringing me in for a rough embrace. The slacks I was wearing became a little snug the moment his lips met mine. I broke away, not wanting to be reminded of our relationship.

“I will neva stop lovin’ ya’, Dave. Professionally, this has worked, both me and Depeche have made our mark on music; emotionally, and physically, it has taken its toll.”

Again, a kiss; this one I could not deny, had started a fire inside of me. Alan was always good with his lip locks, until today, I had never enjoyed swabbing tonsils with any other man more than him.

As we continued, my mind replayed his statement: “You, me, and Mart, need to be close again.” That was an idiotic thing to say; things would never return to how they were before 1995. We all had things to hide; we did each other a disservice by lying about our feelings. Then when we tried to make it better by telling the truth, Depeche and the trois we enjoyed disintegrated.

‘Young and stupid is what we were.’

Just as I was returning the favor…

“Wow, this is quite a reunion, Dave, I had always wondered about the bond yoo and Alan had…” Jennifer said from the back of us.

When my brown met her blues, all I could do is sigh.

‘Shit.’

At Nick’s house…

I sat up, in my bed, with a snoring Roger right next to me. Our lovemaking had been incredible; seemingly he was making sure that I knew that he was my lover.

Nonetheless, my mind drifted to that last kiss that Martin planted on my lips; the softness of his mouth, the faint smell of Merlot and Marlboros on his breath.

‘Why am I thinking of this man?’

I do not want him, it is all lust; that is the truth. I have nothing to hide, I know that this thing is all a fabrication created by my conscience coupled with my virility.

‘Such is one of the many imperfections of being a man.’

We don’t think clearly when it comes to our natural desires. Martin is in no way, shape, or form a man that I want anything to do with. And now, that I know how he and those other fucks feel about Duran, that is all the more reason to dismiss this temporary feeling of euphoria.

However, what if there was some truth to what he was saying? Why would he lie about something so miniscule? Moreover, why am I thinking of this when I have the hottest member of Duran, besides John, next to me, lying in my bed?

Quietly, I chuckled to myself. Roger has always been there for me, even at my lowest when Julie and I were on the outs. Now though, I felt as if my drummer boy was trying to take over my life. He’s been around more often, making our rendezvous a lot less interesting.

‘He should know I get bored easily, I did however sleep with Simon and Warren for kicks…’

More than that, he should proceed with caution trying to entrap me; I like a wild animal that cannot be tamed, when cornered I attack.

Perhaps that is the reason this little kiss with alien Mart is still on my agile brain. The new feeling is a way of being released from my normal state of thinking. Roger and I are the norm while the Moder is someone new.

‘All the more reason I need stop this. Besides my one faux pas, I never really do anything out of the ordinary anymore.’

Although, I felt good receiving that embrace, I needed to check myself. I had all I could ever want right here. A beautiful daughter, a lover who worships me, and a relevant band that I had control over. And that really is the TRUTH.

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