“I struggle, fight dark forces
In the clear moon light
Without fear... insomnia
I can't get no sleep…”
(Faithless – Insomnia)
A week ago it has started again. I hate it with all of my heart. It’s so annoying and tiring... Everything’s so slow and irritating because of it… I stare at the telly with a blank face. My eyes stopped following the umpteenth movie I’ve put on. The bags under them are big enough to carry my stuff around in them instead of my suitcase. At this point not even the sleeping pills could help to get some much needed sleep. My head feels so fucking heavy I’m surprised it hasn’t fallen off my neck yet. It’d be funny to see it roll away on the floor. The mental image makes me chuckle weakly. Fuck, this is the worst version. It’s when I’m so tired my burning eyes would finally close and drift off, but somehow my stupid mind always stops my body before I could finally slip into sleep.
During the years since this bitch’s been torturing me, I’ve tried everything I could. Pills – which I take only occasionally, because I don’t need to get hooked on that shit, thank you fucking much. Booze. That worked sometimes. Yeah, there were definitely times when I managed to drink so much I totally passed out, but becoming an alcoholic and fuck up my liver isn’t an alluring future either. I even tried doing some exercises although I always hated that shit. Still very little or no sleep. Music – both the kind where you try to meditate and relax, or playing one of my babies. Again: occasional success.
What else? Oh yeah, sex. That counts as physical exercise too, right? Very little luck on that department too as far as ladies went. I bet Adam would be able to fuck me into oblivion again. That happened before and hell, it was awesome. I remember I slept like a baby afterwards. But it’s been a while and to be honest, I don’t want to use my friend/boss/fuck buddy/whatever for this. (We don’t really have a word for our relationship.) Although I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t mind it at all.
Weed. Yeah, weed is fun and it’s something that worked for me the most – and if not then I still had some pretty rad times. I guess I’m tripping now too, because I start to get turned on by one of the guys in the horror movie. Can you blame me? The chick with the nice boobs is already dead. Hm, I don’t even remember what the movie’s title was. Not that I’d care too much. It’s a shitty one anyways. So instead I just lean back on the couch in my hotel room and light another joint.
The sweet smoke invades my senses as I keep it down. It’s quality stuff. Only the best from my buddy who makes sure I always have some supply while we are touring. Yeah, it goes with a lot of stress so probably that’s one of the factors that brought back my insomnia. Next to the crazy schedule we have day after day, trying to sleep on a moving bus is not the best for someone who’s been struggling with sleep-deprivation, let me tell ya. Hotel nights should be a relief. But when you’ve been on the road for four fucking days in a row and you’re beyond tired and your insomnia kicks in then it just fucking sucks. Even with weed.
As the stuff starts to numb my mind and lips, I fumble for my phone to check my twitter again. Maybe the posts and comments of the fans can distract me. Although tweeting high and tipsy is probably not the wisest thing to do. Whatever, they know I’m a weird guy. And they still love me to bits. It’s amazing how practically total strangers declare their love for me – and now I’m not talking about the fanatics (let them be chicks or dudes) who ask me to be their boyfriend or merry them, or those who feel the need to tag me and post about everything that’s on their minds. It’s just disturbing and even scary shit at times. I wonder if they have a real life or the internet just sucked them in completely. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Glamberts, but some are just crazy. Like when they gang up on Adam or any of us after the shows and in front of the hotels. Their crowd can be quite scary sometimes when they get carried away. As a short dude it’s even scarier for me than for Adam. He’s at least taller and bigger.
Fuck, so much bigger… I have to close my eyes and cup my junk through my sweatpants as I remember just how big he exactly is. Okay, the weed is starting to have its effect on me. It’s either hunger for junk food on which I function most of the time or getting horny. This time it’s clearly the second option. I moan softly as my cock awakens and I take another hit from the joint, my cell lying on the couch next to me long forgotten.
I don’t know what it is that I find so fucking exciting in the fact that he’s much bigger than me. I usually had small and petite girlfriends with whom I was the bigger one but when Adam gets all up into my space, or just hugs me, or for fuck’s sake he just stands next to me, my whole body starts to crawl with excitement. I like to look up into those crazy color-changing eyes and feel fragile – which I always hated and refused to let myself feel so only because I’m short – but at the same time protected and safe. Maybe it’s just Adam’s charm or energies or presence. Call it whatever you want. The dude is like the fucking sun. If I won’t be careful he’ll totally burn me to ashes. Maybe that’s what keeps me from giving in to him and become more than the occasional stress-relief on tour or at home.
But now that I’m alone in this dark hotel room lit only by the flashing blue lights of the TV… now I let myself fantasize about him calling me his boyfriend, taking me out for lunch or shopping or whatever cheesy shit my clearly over-tired brain wants me to see as I rest my head on the back of the couch, breathing a bit faster from my hand fumbling and playing with my junk under my pants. Maybe I should switch the movie to some porn. The idea pops up in my mind from nowhere and before I know I finish off the pot and reach for the remote. It’s awesome that I don’t have to pay for all this shit from my own pocket. Sometimes my life still feels surreal.
While choosing from the vast number of possibilities my finger lingers over one that seems to intrigue me. I hesitate for another long moment then push the button and the movie starts. When I find the beginning too long I fast-forward to the dirty parts and watch as a muscular guy that reminds me of Adam feeds his cock to a blonde twink. It’s just too easy to imagine myself in the twink’s place and my dick jumps in my hand remembering the taste of the singer’s junk in my mouth. Fuck, it was hot when I did it for the first time! Not that the other times weren’t like that. But that first time I’ll always treasure. He felt so huge and hard in my mouth that it starts watering now just from that memory.
Rimming. That surprised me the first time too. I had no idea that someone’s tongue licking my asshole would be such a turn on and an amazing feeling. Before Adam I wasn’t interested in men besides sometimes kissing and groping them. When I was younger, it might or might not have happened that I and a friend jerked each other off. But since then nothing much happened with guys. Until Adam. Fuck, this man is just simply fucking up my mind. I have no idea how he does it, but I think I need him inside me right the fuck now! I tear my eyes off the screen where the big guy is now stretching the twink’s tight hole for his thick dick, and grab my phone. Right before I start searching for Adam’s number I notice I already have an unread message from him. When did that happen? I frown and check it.
“Can’t sleep, GlitterBaby? Want me to stop by? On my way back to the hotel.”
He probably saw my tweets. I knew Adam had an obligatory club night and judging by the time it seemed he had a good night there. Maybe even had his cock sucked off in the bathroom or something. Not that I’d be sure Adam was into such stuff with random guys. Aside from the joking, he always was beyond discreet when it came to his sex-life. Even in front of me. Maybe there weren’t any guys on the side. Just Adam knew, but the thought of only me getting that kind of attention from Adam was oddly satisfying and hot.
“Yeah. Need u.”
My reply is short and I’m surprised no typos got into it. I was able to do such things without alcohol and weed buzzing through my veins. Imagine how it’d go while wasted. My eyes jump back on the screen when I hear a long moan from the twink. The big dick is now nestled nicely in his body.
“Fuck…” I moan and lick my suddenly dry lips as I squeeze my dick hard. I nearly squeak like a little girl though when my phone starts ringing in my other hand. Cursing under my nose I blink at the ID. It’s Adam. I press accept.
“Baby, what’s up? Are you okay?” he asks and the worry in his voice warms my insides.
As an answer I just moan first and I can practically see Adam’s thick eyebrows lift. “Fuck, no… I need you.”
“Is there someone with you?” he asked suspiciously.
“Nope. Just me, some weed and gay porn.”
“Get here quickly. I want your big dick balls deep in me. Fuck me until I pass out… I need it… I need you, Adam. Please.”
“Holy fuck…” he whispers on the other end of the line. “Tell me what you’re doing…”
“Watching a guy that could be you fuck the shit out of a twink that could be me while my hand’s rubbing my hard dick,” I reply with a heavy sigh at the end.
“Is your cock out?”
“No, it’s under my sweatpants.”
“Take it out…” I hear the heavy voice in my ear that makes me shiver.
“Yeah, okay…” I say and do as I was told. The cooler air on my private parts makes goose bumps appear. “I did it.”
“Good boy… Now wet that palm and jerk yourself slowly…”
“Yeah…” I sigh and quickly lick my palm, following the instructions. I can hear a door slam shut on Adam’s end. Maybe a car’s?
“Feels good, baby?”
“Please…” I squirm a little and the leather squeaks under me.
“Put me on speaker and reach under the pillow. There must be a bottle of lube there.”
“Fuck… how did you…?”
“It’s not important, baby. Just do as I told.”
“Yeah…” I mumble and press the right button and place the phone on the armrest of the couch. “I got the lube,” I announce triumphant.
“Very good. Now strip down naked and pull your legs up. I want you to lube and stretch your hole for me so by the time I get there you’ll be all ready for my big dick… That’s what you want shoved up into that tight ass of yours, isn’t it?”
“Fucking hell… yes!” I groan and lift my hips to push down my pants and with the next move I pull my tee over my head. Sitting there naked on the leather couch feels somehow hot and dirty. I pull my legs up and slide my ass to the edge of the couch so I can run my lubed up fingers against the exposed hole. It feels amazing and it makes me shiver and moan gently.
“With your other wet hand I want you to keep rubbing your balls and cock. Come on, Tommy. Let me hear your pleasure…”
“Fuck…” I only manage to utter that one word as I follow Adam’s commands as I rub my hole and slowly push the first finger in while my other hand is lubing up my dick and balls. Meanwhile my eyes dart back on the screen where the twink is tossed on his back with his legs up next to his head and the big guy rams back into his stretched hole. The visual and Adam’s dirty commentary mixed with my own moans and pleas take me closer to my orgasm by the minute. Before I realize I already have three of my fingers shoved up into my dripping wet ass, pre-cum slicking up my other hand. “Please, Adam… Hurry up or I’ll cum before you get here…” I groan towards the phone and my breath hitches as my fingers brush against that fucking amazing spot in my body. I nearly lose it then.
“Hold it back, baby. I’m here,” comes the sudden voice from the left and I gasp seeing him standing there with pure hunger and lust in his eyes that seem to glow in a silvery color thanks to the TV’s lights. He probably had a keycard to my room too and I’m amazed by the fact that I must’ve gotten so into what we were doing that I totally missed him coming inside.
“Adam…” I moan his name on a needy voice and I’m not ashamed at all to show my desire for him. He’s naked within seconds and oh so fucking hard for me already.
“Oh my god, baby… you look absolutely breathtaking…” he groans and in the next second he’s already on me. He reaches for my hand and pulls my fingers out of my ass, my other hand is removed from my throbbing cock just when I needed it the most to tip myself over and spray my stomach. I moan loud and approvingly as he lifts me enough to push me on my stomach. He reaches under me and pulls my ass up just to kick my legs open – one on the floor and the other on the couch. I love it when he manhandles me like this. I make a purr-like sound as one of those fucking big and warm hands slide down on my back, making my back arch and offer my ass up like a bitch would do. Well, I can be a bitch at times too, okay?
I cry out from bliss when Adam pulls my cheeks apart and licks into my exposed hole. The sensation is so shocking that for a few moments I can only pant. “Stop teasing! You promised you’d fuck my brains out… I’m ready for your fucking monster-dick!” I hiss at him, our eyes meeting over my shoulder for a long moment. That fucking evil smirk’s gonna be the death of me!
“You needy little bitch… You want this?” he asks rubbing his wet tip against my clenching hole. I’m so fucking ready for it!
“YES! Give it to me hard! Fuck me already!” I growl and push my ass back against the tip, making it slide in a bit. The throaty groan I get for that from behind makes me shiver with want. And then finally, FINALLY Adam is pushing in like a fucking train into a tunnel. The burning of my ass from the sudden stretch is exactly what I needed right now! It quickly turns into the feeling of that strange fullness. Fuck, it’s still so new to me every time he fucks me! So damn good! I think I screamed his name already, but I’m not sure, his dick being pushed up in my ass somehow distracted me…
“That’s it kitten, take all of me…” I hear his endearing voice, his thumbs rubbing my waist while his hands are holding me put by my hips. “So fucking hot…”
I can only groan in agreement and I totally didn’t just whimper with joy when he started rutting into me as if I was a fucking needy whore. Porn long forgotten I just hold on to the armrest and the back of the couch while the room gets filled with our body’s wet sounds, the leather crying under us and our pants and moans. It takes me a few moments to realize I’m staring at my cell lying on the floor next to the couch. I don’t even remember knocking it off the armrest. The random thought gets cut off by Adam readjusting his angle and hitting that sweet spot hard and so perfectly that I swear I see stars and now I’m certain I screamed his name. My nails dig into the couch, sweat’s rolling off my face and back and I’m dying to cum.
“Please… Adam, please!”
“What do you want?” he pants from behind and I have to force myself to take a look. He looks so fucking gorgeous flushed all over, a sea of freckles, a burning and hungry look in his grey eyes. He’s fucking me like an animal and I’m enjoying each rough thrust but my head’ll explode if I don’t come right the fuck now.
“Make me cum! Please! I have to… I need…” I beg, which I know he loves beyond belief and for my relief this time he doesn’t tease. Maybe he saw the fucking burning need in my eyes and my cries become desperate, because he grabs my leaking dick and jerks it with the right pressure and speed and his dick assaulting my prostate at the same time just gets too much.
“Cum for me, my dirty kitten so I can fill your hungry ass up,” he suddenly murmurs in my ear and I lose it right the fuck there.
I’m pretty sure the whole floor just heard as I screamed Adam’s name one more time while bucking back against his dick, my jizz hitting the couch, but I couldn’t care less. Adam makes sure he squeezes out the last drops too and then he ruts back into me a few more times and groans my name as I’m practically fucked into the couch, his dick filling me up with his spunk. Fuck yeah!
By the time he pulls out and watches the white fluid drip from my tortured hole my limbs and eye-lids feel like lead. A pained but still lustful moan escapes me when I feel his fingers push some of his cum back into my ass then with half-closed eyes I let him push the same fingers in my mouth, feeding it to me. I obediently lick and suck it off then kiss him back. He could practically do anything to me right now and I would let him. I’m so pliant and relaxed that I don’t fucking care anymore.
“Fuck, I needed this… so badly…” I mumble as my eyes close and I feel myself slide on the couch like a rag-doll.
“I know,” he replies as he cleans us up.
“Sorry for the booty call… I didn’t want to use you like that,” I try, but he just strokes my damp hair out of my face and chuckles lightly.
“Shut up and sleep.”
And I do for the first time in days.
I wake to the ringing of my phone lying naked on the couch and pretty much alone. What the fuck? I try to track down the loud fucker and find it on the floor. It’s my alarm that I set just in case I finally fall asleep. Apparently I did. I have an hour to clean myself up and meet the others down in the lobby for rehearsal. Fuck, my head is pretty disoriented from the booze and weed. Can you be hangover from weed? I have no fucking clue as I sigh. Jesus, my mouth is dry like a desert. What the hell happened last night? And where the fuck is Adam? I look around but I see no sign of him. Did he have some interview to do? It happened before but he always left a note. Now there’s none. Was he here at all? I sit up and hiss slightly. My ass is sore for sure and dried cum is on the leather. The TV screen is on the menu, the porn ended a long time ago.
I try to focus sitting there in my birthday suit, one hand combing through the nest of messy hair on my head while I check my phone to try piecing last night together. The images of my boss fucking me through the couch are quite vivid. As I unlock my phone, the screen jumps to my messages with Adam. Apparently I wanted to message him “Yeah. Need u” but it was never sent. My finger hovers over the send button as I frown and realize what this means.
“Holy shit, it was quite the trip!” I exclaim glimpsing at the stubs in the ashtray. It seems this time sleep-deprivation combined with quite some weed resulted in a very vivid hallucination. But hey, at least I managed to fuck myself into a few hours of much needed sleep! Win-win situation, isn’t it?
But then later once I get to the lobby why’s Adam smiling so dirtily at me?