Chapter 8 - Losing What I Don't Deserve
Losing What I Don’t Deserve
Things were even better between Adam and Tommy after that night when the blonde submitted to him completely for the first time. The harvest time was approaching and they were both busy preparing for the usual one-week long festivity that accompanied that. As Tommy learned to know they offered sacrifices for each of the gods and goddesses in hope of protection, good grace and a prosperous harvest. People from all over the kingdom came to Oudjat to offer their gifts and prayers during the festivities. Such events required musicians too and there were enough arriving from far away lands too as the harvest festivities were quite famous.
The market was buzzing with life and appeared to be much more crowded than usual. It wasn’t an illusion as it grew in size too, occupying the surrounding streets and parts of the riverbank as well. The whole city was preparing. One could see people decorating their houses, the streets and parks or putting together food, flowers, grains, meat and small animals as offerings.
Deep down Tommy was feeling excited too as this would be his first harvest in his new home. Adam told him that at nights wine, ale and all kinds of liquor were flowing freely during and after the feast and Tommy couldn’t wait to see that after looking after all the duties a king was required to do. But there was another reason why he was looking forward to the upcoming week’s end. On the last day of the harvest festivities Adam promised to take Tommy up to the temple and reveal the secrets of the Lambert family. The wisdom and teachings and all the other secrets that were kept hidden from everyone besides the royal family. When Tommy was thinking about that, he felt a good kind of anticipation building up in him while counting the hours to get there.
The festivities began and each day was a success. During the days people were out on the fields harvesting the grain, rice and sugar canes, while at the evenings they offered their gratitude to their gods and goddesses. And then the feast and the merriment started, which – for Tommy and Adam often ended up in heated kisses and getting lost in pleasure between the sheets.
Everything went well until the fifth day of the celebration. That night – after a few ale – Tommy was surprised by a musician band which began playing after the previous band was finished. As he was sitting by the table in the dining hall next to his husband, he turned to the musicians when he heard a few familiar notes and then he nearly dropped his cup. Confusion then happiness lit up his pretty face as he recognized a lean man with light-brown hair. Carlo.
Tommy just smiled to himself and handed Neil’s sleeping little boy back to his father so he could take him back to his room. The little fella seemed to quickly grow to Tommy to the great amusement of the brothers and his grandparents, but Tommy didn’t mind. Kids seemed to like him for some reason and he had practice with his niece, Bridget. Leaning back in his armchair he raised his cup to sip from his ale while listening to the music and keeping an eye on the musicians on the small stage. Soon enough his eyes met Carlo’s and that familiar mischievous white smile flashed as he bowed with his violin. Tommy nodded in recognition, a small smile playing on his lips.
“They’re good, aren’t they?” he suddenly heard Adam’s voice from his left and he had to nod again.
“Yes, very entertaining,” he turned to look at his husband and remind himself where he was. Seeing his ex-lover and guitar teacher brought back some fond memories.
“The violinist is very talented. I remember him coming back a few times through the years to play on the festivities. His name is Carlo, if I remember clearly,” Adam continued, surprising Tommy a little that he knew him by his name.
“I know. I remember him well from my home. He used to teach me how to play my guitar,” he admitted.
“Fabulous! Then we shall have a few words with him later. Now… drink something stronger with me,” Adam grinned and Tommy already felt a little warmer from that smile. He knew it was the kind that was only for the blonde. How could he say no to such a request? He accepted the first round of many and drank with Adam, but in the back of his mind he was wondering how that conversation would go between him, Adam and his ex-lover.
The drinks were flowing freely that night too and Tommy – despite the fact that he claimed he couldn’t dance – found himself among the dancing people more than once. Now Brad was dragging him to some of his friends, barely letting Tommy recover from his dance with Ashley. He found the brunette man quite amusing although most of the time he was just listening to him babbling about the latest gossips in the palace. The young king was dancing and chuckling on Brad’s comments. He glimpsed towards the royal table when he felt Adam’s eyes on him. His husband grinned watching them fondly and raised his cup. Tommy did the same then turned back to his dancing partner.
Soon enough he let his eyes wander around, Brad’s words melting together into a constant buzz as the strong drinks made Tommy see the world in a quite pretty light. He knew he was near of being wasted, but he was having too much fun to care. He spotted his personal guard, Isaac near a wall kissing one of the pretty servant girls. Tommy hazily remembered that she was called Sophie. He smirked from his friend’s luck and let his eyes wander further only to be captured by a pair of familiar dark-brown eyes that looked black from this distance. The tall man nodded towards the door beside him that led to one of the corridors and Tommy nodded barely noticeable.
“Excuse me, I have to take a piss,” Tommy said to Brad who giggled loud.
“Oh my, is a king allowed to use such words?” he snort-giggled again, making Tommy grin.
“Sure. We make laws too, remember?” he answered as if it explained everything and patted his shoulder and let one of his friends pull Brad with him.
Tommy glimpsed into Adam’s direction once more, but he was busy talking to one of the rich nobles of the palace whose name the intoxicated blonde couldn’t remember. He made his way towards the doorway under which the tall man had disappeared. It took him a few minutes until he could get through the crowd and step on the semi-dark corridor. A few steps ahead he saw the familiar figure lean against the painted wall, sipping from his cup.
“Carlo,” Tommy greeted him and when the other man flashed another white smile at him they hugged tight. “It’s been a while. I haven’t heard about you in years. It’s a nice surprise to see you here,” he added as they let each other go and started walking down the corridor.
“Your Majesty, it’s a pleasure to hear such words from you,” he said overly ceremonious, but Tommy knew he was just teasing him so he didn’t comment on it. “It’s been a while, indeed, and I’m pleased to see you in such good health. How’s being a king?”
“Not exactly what I expected, but close,” he admitted. “I cannot complain. The people here gave me a warm welcome. It wasn’t so hard to fit in.”
“I bet. These are nice folks and you’ve got a gorgeous husband as well,” he wiggled his brows as they passed a few drunken people. Tommy nearly slipped on the smooth floor as he turned back, but Carlo’s strong fingers by his elbow steadied him. “Careful, your Majesty.”
“Thank you. Well…” Tommy started, feeling a light blush creep up on his cheeks and was grateful for the shadows on the corridor. “I can’t complain in that department either. King Adam is a good ruler and a caring man. I certainly could’ve ended up in a worse situation.”
“Yes, you could’ve,” the tall man eyed him for a second but his usual smile was already on his face again as they set their empty cups on the tray of a passing servant.
“And what about you? I guess you’ve wandered all around the kingdoms by now. How’s life treating you?”
“Oh I can’t complain either,” he said eyeing a guard for a second as they passed him. “I’ve spent some time here and there, played in most kingdoms and courts. I even had a permanent show in one of the big cities to the west, but you know me. I can’t stay in one place for long,” he shrugged and turned with Tommy on a corner.
“That’s right. You were always very ambitious and bohemian,” Tommy giggled softly and quite drunk. It was a little funny to walk by then, but Carlo didn’t comment on it and the blond saw that familiar smile which showed that he himself had a few drinks too. He was dragged back from his thoughts when Carlo’s grip on his elbow tightened and he suddenly pulled him into an empty room. Tommy nearly fell, but regained his balance only to be pressed against the closed door and look up into the hazy dark eyes from close.
“I’ve missed you, Tommy,” Carlo mumbled and before the young king could say anything, his lips were sealed with a passionate kiss.
If someone asked him, he’d have sworn on all the gods and goddesses of the kingdoms that he didn’t want to return that kiss, but the nice warm buzz caused by the alcohol and the familiarity of those lips and tongue quieted the voices in his head and melted his defenses. He knew it was wrong, but it felt so good and he’s been horny from the drinks for a while now and Adam was still busy with talking… Adam!
“Wait… wait s-stop…” he broke the kiss panting and put his hands on Carlo’s shoulders to push him away, but his body didn’t want to cooperate. “I can’t… I shouldn’t…” he slurred, the words starting to come out harder as he felt those long fingers slide up under his tunic to pull his undergarments down and cup his erection. “Carlo! Shit!” he moaned.
“Please… let me pleasure you… like in the old days…” he panted on his lips and stole another fast and passionate kiss, his hand finding Tommy’s spots. His ex-lover knew exactly how to touch him to make him lose his mind in a second.
“Carlo… I don’t…”
“Please… please, Master,” he panted dropping on his knees in front of him and using that certain tone that always worked on the blonde when they were together.
This time though Carlo seemed too much turned on from Tommy’s closeness and didn’t wait for the permission just suddenly closed his mouth around the sensitive tip. The young king had to bite on his fist to keep the loud moan escaping him as the familiar hot sucking began. He couldn’t think straight anymore and just fisted his other hand in the curly dark hair to push his cock all the way into the eager mouth.
“Fuck…” he groaned against his fist and looked down, his head swimming from the sight and the lust mixed with the alcohol in his blood. He was so pretty and eager down on his knees, wanting to pleasure him. He felt himself slipping back into the past, vivid pictures of their encounters dancing in front of his hazy eyes while he was fucking Carlo’s mouth. The sight of dripping saliva made Tommy growl and fuck the offered mouth and throat faster and harder, knowing that he could take it.
He could always take it, no matter how rough the blond got. Fuck, he missed sharing this with the musician. He saw the other man rub himself under his tunic and the knowledge of that plus the hard sucking on his throbbing hardness proved to be too much for him. He bit his fist harder and muffled curses left him as he bucked uncontrolled into the wet mouth and flooded it with his seed. His head hit the door behind him and his mind registered from the distance that Carlo came into his hand too, but he was too dazed from his orgasm to look down. He managed to stay on his shaky legs until the musician licked him clean. The second Carlo pulled back Tommy landed on his ass, back and head against the painted door as he was fighting for air.
“You still taste so good, Master,” Carlo purred into his ear and kissed him much slower this time before standing up and adjusting his own clothes too. “I’ll see you later,” he winked down at him and slid out of the room, the door closing behind him with a soft click.
Tommy couldn’t say or think anything. He was just sitting there glued to the spot, his breathing slowly evening out. He was a little shocked and still dazed from the booze and his orgasm. Licking his lips he could taste Carlo and his own seed there and it made him sigh bitterly.
“Fuck!” he groaned and buried his face in his hands.
Tommy was sporting a significant headache and his memories were quite blurred from the previous night. But sadly he couldn’t forget or avoid the fact that he did cheat with Carlo. It was so sudden and unexpected to see his ex-lover in his new home. He still wasn’t over the fact and the memories he stirred up and the next thing he knew was Carlo down on his knees sucking him off. The young king growled and pushed a wet towel to the back of his neck to cool himself off and stop the room from spinning.
He sighed bitterly as he stared at the table in the chambers he shared with Adam. Adam… Gosh, he felt so ashamed when his husband came into his mind. He vaguely remembered that after Carlo left he stayed there on the floor for a long time before he forced himself to stumble back to their chambers. The distance seemed endless but finally he made it. He was a little relieved to see it empty. He made his way to the bed and undressed, quickly refreshing himself and cleaning up, trying to erase what just happened, but he knew it was no use. Should he tell Adam? Would he be mad? Would he demand a divorce or worse? Tommy rubbed his face clean with a wet cloth and tried to curl up in the huge bed to appear as small as possible. He pulled the light cover over him, trying to hide from the world and himself as he knew it was a mistake. A big one. Because Adam didn’t deserve this… Because this wasn’t what he committed to, what he swore in front of all the people and the gods. He was a cheater now. He felt like scum and he was convinced that he wasn’t anything better than that.
He was still beating himself up and trying to find a way how to tell his husband that he cheated on him with that musician he found so talented, when he heard the now familiar footsteps of the freckled man. He heard him chuckle a little when he saw the small bundle on Tommy’s side of the bed and with a heavy heart Tommy pretended to be asleep when Adam curled around his back, spooning him like they always did lately. He didn’t protest either when the bigger man pulled the cover down from his head to let him breathe freely and kissed the back of his neck, inhaling the blonde’s scent.
Guilt was suffocating Tommy and he had a restless sleep.
By the time he awoke, he was alone. Adam was probably off to eat breakfast or run errands and Tommy felt like a coward. Could he get any more low? He was biting his bottom lip when Sutan walked in with his usual cheerful babbling and steps, only to stop when he saw Tommy. Luckily he must have thought that it was a bad hangover and didn’t start interrogating his king just put some light food in front of him then left him alone.
Tommy was grateful, even if he was dying to ask for his advice. But he knew that he had to make this right alone. As he was nibbling on some bread and fruits, he decided that the best thing would be if he went to Carlo first and told him that it was a mistake and they cannot repeat it, because Tommy cannot do this to Adam… because he… Well, yes. But he cannot say it to someone else before he told about his feelings to Adam. Then… after he settled things with Carlo, he should talk to Adam and see how his husband would react. Will he doubt Tommy from now on? Will he want him to leave? Will he hate him?
Even the thought of that hurt the blonde and he lost the little appetite he had. Rubbing his face with his hands he put his elbows on the table and ran a hand through his messy blond hair too, his fingers absently sliding on the freshly shaved side. He was angry at himself but at Carlo too. He knew his new situation: he was a king now and had a husband. Their common past or the drinks didn’t make any of last night okay. He shouldn’t have started it… he shouldn’t have used that submissive tone Tommy never could resist. Carlo… they shouldn’t have. But he couldn’t change the past. He could only make sure it never happened in the future.
It was getting dark by the time Tommy could track down Carlo. He spent most of the day avoiding Adam the best he could, because he couldn’t face him. Not yet. Not before he made sure Carlo understood that nothing could be between them ever again. If Adam noticed this, Tommy couldn’t know but he grabbed the first chance to slip away and look for the musician.
That night Carlo didn’t have any gigs with the band he came with so Tommy found him in the chamber he got on a lower level of the palace. Luckily there were fewer guards here so Tommy didn’t have to worry about rumors. He knocked on his ex-lover’s door and soon enough he was let in.
“Tommy… I knew you’d come soon,” Carlo moved closer as the door was shut, but this time the blonde’s hand on the taller man’s chest stopped him.
“Carlo, please, stop. I’m not here for that. We have to talk,” Tommy started looking up into the seemingly hopeful eye, but it quickly darkened seeing the young king’s expression.
“Oh… alright. Please come in,” he stepped back and waved towards a small table with two chairs.
Tommy nodded and made his way to one of the chairs and sat down while collecting his thoughts.
“So… what is it that you wanted to talk about?”
“You really don’t know, Carlo?” he asked on a disbelieving tone. “About last night, of course.”
“What about it? I thought we had fun, but judging your expression I’m not so sure about that anymore,” the other man said sitting down into the other chair.
“No, we did have fun… but it was a mistake.”
“What are you saying?” he asked wanting to see clear.
“I cannot let that happen ever again. I’m married now and I don’t want to have a lover.”
“What? You fell for the husband that was chosen for you?” Carlo grinned teasingly as he knew Tommy’s view about arranged marriages.
Tommy just blushed and shrugged, suddenly finding the fabric of his light tunic fascinating.
“Oh this is good,” Carlo chuckled shortly and cleared his throat “but hey, I understand. I’ve got a little carried away last night. I was just so happy to see you again and well… I’ve missed you too and drank a little more than I should have. But I don’t regret it.”
“I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. It all happened so quickly and it did feel good, but…”
“I know, I know,” he waved him off with his hand and stood to fetch a painted jug with wine and two cups “you’re in love with your husband and all… Did you tell him last night yet? Or you want to keep it a secret?” he asked returning to the small table and put the cups down, pouring for Tommy first then to himself too.
“No! No, I don’t think I should. I want to be able to be honest with him. I just wanted to clear things with you first. What we had should stay in the past. Agreed?”
Carlo watched him silently for a couple of seconds then he slowly nodded with a dark little smile in the corner of his mouth. “Very well. Agreed. But I won’t let you go before drinking a cup for old times’ sake,” he sighed then smiled as he raised his cup.
“I don’t know. I should go find Adam and talk to him…” Tommy said unsure.
“Please, Tommy. Just one cup,” Carlo pleaded seeing the hesitation on the king’s face. “Please… Then you can confess and make up and fall into your king’s arms,” he rolled his eyes smirking.
“Alright, alright,” Tommy sighed and smiled a little too. “For old times’ sake,” he said clinking the cups together. He quickly drank half of it and looked back at Carlo.
“Do you still play your guitar?” the other man asked, watching him closely.
“Yes. Occasionally. Now that I think of it, much more often since I came here. It reminds me of home and Adam likes it a lot. He has a great voice. I even wrote a few songs,” he nodded and drank the rest of his wine.
“You should show me some time,” Carlo grinned putting his own cup down, his wine untouched.
“Alright. How long will you stay?” Tommy asked suppressing a yawn. All the secrecy and avoiding Adam was more tiring than he thought.
“We’ll find some time then… But now I really should go,” he stood and wanted to head towards the door but had to grab the edge of the table. “This hangover is a killer…” he said as he nearly lost his balance.
He heard Carlo’s chuckle and turned his head to say something, but his vision got blurry and his ears started ringing. Slowly his mind caught up and Tommy realized that this wasn’t caused by the hangover.
“Carlo… I don’t feel… to well…” he moaned lifting his hand to his head and took an unsteady step.
“I know. Sleep well, my sweet prince,” Tommy heard from a distance as he felt himself fall forward then before he could hit the floor, everything went black.