After napping through most of the previous day, the morning found Matt rested in Corey's arms. His tattooed back was towards the long-haired man as Matt was the little spoon. It was kinda cute and romantic. Like that bath they took once they could get up from the couch. Where Matt fucked Corey, his man for the very first time. It didn't start like that, but quickly turned into that hot coupling.
Which shook Matt's whole world on different levels. While gazing down into the familiar pair of eyes. He could see how moved, satisfied and in love Corey was in that moment. Frankly, it was a bit scary for Matt, but also such a good feeling. And as he looked deep into himself while caressing the beloved face, placing soft loving kisses all over it, he realized that he felt the same way and not just because he just took Corey. Which, of course, was a big step for both of them. But because it probably made another wall crumble down in the singer.
Now while lying there with Corey's arm around his middle, Matt was staring into the air, his mind running a mile a minute. He tried not to give too much space for his anxiety and doubts. He rather focused on the positive side of things. He still felt light-headed and happy. No one ever wanted him as Corey did.
The long-haired man was mostly wide awake while Matt was sleeping in his arms.
Also when he woke up and got lost in his thoughts. The happening of yesterday also stirred up the guitarist and his mind didn't let him sleep for various reasons. For one, how amazing it felt to be owned by Matt. He did everything so perfect and Corey wondered if he got too honest about his feelings for the singer. He could see the only half-second long, but still appearing fear in the dark eyes. But they agreed to be honest and not hide what they feel for each other...
The other thing was the fear he had from his own feelings. Now nothing was stopping them. Matt was here and seemed to love and want him back, despite his minor insecurities, which Corey tired to wipe away. But his own feelings got liberated from Matt's responses and what if he can't hold back again... He kept trying to not get carried away and remind himself that they were trying out how it would work and how they feel. So it means Matt can chicken out any time and Corey has to be okay with it. If he wanted to be honest, in this relatively short period of time he got much more than he ever dared to hope for from Matt and this... relationship. So if anything comes he really just has to be grateful for what happened.
But he felt how much more he could get lost in the love he now gave some more freedom to bloom and take over him. If he lets all that go and enjoys it... how damaged will he get when it all ends? He got so caught up in the darkening thoughts of how and what could end this that he didn't realize he blew his cover and sighed painfully a few times, rubbing his nose to Matt's nape.
Moving his heavily tattooed arm, Matt put it on Corey's around his middle to caress it. "Such heavy thoughts so early in the morning," the singer chuckled a bit to lighten the atmosphere that got kinda heavy around them. "I'm right here. I won't go anywhere. Except for the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth. And probably the kitchen to make us breakfast. Sounds good?" he asked then smiled at Corey reassuringly over his shoulder, offering his lips for a good morning peck.
In the last couple of days Matt's been braver than any time in his life – or at least that's how he felt while winning battle after battle with his own mind to be able to be freely together with Corey. It wasn't easy, but he felt it was so worth it. Honestly, from all the people in his life, Corey knew him the best. He's been there for him since nearly the beginning when he was just a naive little snotty kid wanting to play music in a band and one day become a rock star. Matt had confided in his long-haired friend more than in anyone else. Corey was... so very important in his life and that's why he didn't want to fuck this up. It was enough to chicken out once in the past. Now he wanted to do things right.
That's why he knew that they really had to talk to lay down a stronger foundation to their blooming relationship. He wanted this to work now that they were getting so close.
"Sorry…" Corey mumbled and gave the morning kiss to his love. "I didn't dare to sleep. I was afraid I wake up and realize it all was just a dream…" he laughed a little smiling tiredly at Matt. Moving his man around to be able to face him he rubbed his nose to Matt's. "How are you feeling? You've been up and thinking for a while too…" he looked deep into the black eyes, ignoring the lines about Matt going to pee and cook to keep him just a bit longer in his arms.
Caressing Corey's upper-arm and shoulder, Matt smiled a bit at him. "It certainly feels a bit like a dream, but it isn't. We're here. Finally. I had no idea that this could feel so good. I was so afraid. I still am at times, but yesterday... on the couch. It was something else. So intense. I loved it. I also fell more in love with you," Matt whispered honestly. "I hope you believe it that I mean it and I'm not just saying it. You were right. This is much more than about sex. This is a relationship that I want to make it work and not mess it up. I was just thinking about how important you are to me. And I won't lie, it's still a bit scary, but I'm working on it. But one thing I feel strong is that I won't run this time. Please, try to believe and accept that, okay? I know it'll probably take time like some stuff will take time for me too, but... Can you try it for me?"
Corey nodded caressing Matt's face. "I'm trying. And I trust you. I have my own fears but I fully trust you in that you would not hurt me on purpose. And that you love me and want this to work. Still… if you feel that it's not working or too much for you or... dunno... I don't want you to stay with me because you feel sorry for me or us. I believe you. And also I believe in us," he said on a serious tone but smiled with love at the singer, pecking his lips.
"Good. That's all I'm asking for now. You trusting and believing in me and us. I needed to hear and know that to feel... safer and be able to deal with my fears. Does it make sense to you?" Matt pecked Corey's lips back. "Also... I'd like you to... talk to me. Open up some more about your fears. I'll try to do the same. Maybe after breakfast? We can't put off these discussions any longer. We have to talk about what we want and where we want to take this and how to make it work. On and off tour," he ran his slender fingers through Corey's long strands of hair.
"Okay. Breakfast and coffee and we talk. I promise," Corey gave in. "I love you…" he chimed in too, kissing Matt once more and laid him back on the bed before getting up and running to the bathroom before him giggling.
It took a moment for Matt to get what was going on then laughed too, but instead of chasing Corey, he got up slowly and walked into the bathroom naked and with a small smile on his lips, just letting his dark eyes have their fill of looking at his man. Yeah, his man. Matt instinctively knew that it was true. From the way Corey smirked and looked at him... the way he begged for it on that couch.
To stop the effects of those memories on his body, he rather went to the sink to quickly brush his teeth and wash his face to wake up some more before joining Corey under the shower for a nice kissing session before breakfast.
For not having anything else to do really, after breakfast they settled themselves on THAT couch. Corey swore to call it like that from now on.
He was fooling around all morning but that was just to ease himself up for the serious talk they decided to finally have. He still hasn’t had any idea of how to form all his fears into words that wouldn't be hurtful or make Matt back off...
Sitting cross-legged in one corner with a pillow put behind him to keep Matt's back straight, he sipped on some tea with honey, watching Corey closely. It was obvious that he was just as nervous about this heart-to-heart talk like Matt. He was hesitating and listening to his instincts, Matt started the talk with some reassurance in case Corey needed that.
"Look, relax, Corey. I'll listen to you and look at things from your perspective too. I want us to be honest with each other. Strong foundation, remember?" he smiled warmly at his lover. "Start with the first thing that pops into your mind. And then we can work ourselves deeper into this shit," he winked. "I have a strong resolve now and I love you too. Speak freely, please," he finished on a soft tone with a tiny underlying tone that could remind Corey of that more dominant persona from the day before.
"Okay..." Corey sighed pulling his still wet hair out of his face. Matt was right and taking a deep breath he just decided to listen to that demanding tone in his love's voice and start from the middle...
"So... The first thing that always comes back in my mind is... We are working now on this. And want a real lasting relationship. So..." Corey rubbed his neck a bit uneasy "so what will Ashley say to that? How will that work? You having me as your lover and visit while not working with the band and spend time and have sex and all..." he blurted all out then bit his lip.
Maybe it was really the magic of that couch, but Matt felt more collected now that he was taking small sips from his tea while listening to the other man. "I've been already thinking about this quite a lot," Matt said. "You know how Ashley has been teasing us about our 'bromance' since the very beginning, right? Well... she has eyes and probably knows what she's talking about. I think she'd be okay with it, but I'll have to talk to her about it once I go home. I don't want to lie to her either. But the sooner, the better, I think..."
He added the last sentence and knew that Corey probably understood the real meaning of it: the less deep they let themselves into this relationship, the less it would hurt if Ashley had a negative response. It would definitely put a strain on both their personal and professional lives too. That was probably the most risky thing in this. Matt loved his wife and Corey too. He didn't want to lose one or both.
"But before anything... I have a question to you too. Will it be enough for you to love me in secret like this? I mean... obviously those who have to know will probably know about us. But not the fans or the media. Not right now at least. But maybe never. I don't know... I just... can't deal with that aspect for a while. What do you say?" he asked and now it was Matt's turn to feel anxious.
"Of course. That one is for sure!" Corey replied at once. "I don't like to share my life around. Maybe hate it even more than you do and I took it really hard when the so called 'fans' were picking on us as teens, remember? Plus I understand it would be a huge weight on you to explain all the time about how your bigamy works and why. And we don't owe anyone any explanations. Who needs to know I think already does, just think about what Paolo said. Our bromance is pretty obvious," he chuckled.
Matt could practically feel as relief spread through his whole body. "Thank you. And I remember too vividly, yeah. I don't want to put anyone through that or worse. I won't lie, it is also a big relief to me. I mean... I don't want to keep you as my dirty secret. I don't want to hide what we have, but... life sucks at times and certain situations, I guess," he chuckled on a bit lighter tone, finally finishing his tea and putting the mug on the table.
"Yes, the bromance has been there for a long time. I guess Paolo will be all 'fucking finally' or something about this," Matt grinned a bit more then sighed. "You have no idea how happy I am that we agree on this. It's been making me sick with worry a few times while I was thinking of you and us back at home."
"Well I'm glad it's settled, yes. I'm still nervous about Ashley, though. I know she knows some of the things we've done. And she liked me and stuff like that. But still..." Corey sighed "the other things that keep rolling in my mind are the thoughts of you backing away. I'm sorry. I know I let it happen before and it's my fault. But I'm willing to open up for you… For this thing between us… And I just don't know... in case I let myself really be so in love like I can… how it would feel if and when it ends."
"I'd lie if I said I'm not nervous about Ashley a bit, but let me worry about that for a while," he reached out a hand. "Come a bit closer. I like you being close to me," Matt added and it was true. As sappy as it sounded, being close to Corey always made him feel better. And stronger when they had to face the difficulties of life.
"I know that's probably a deeply rooted fear for you. And as we said before, it's both our faults. Not just yours," he said on a determined deep voice, hoping that Corey would at least accept that. "I... I think that I understand your fear too. About the letting your emotions fully go thing. This... this is very new between us. I mean the actual being together part. I guess we'll walk through the steps and enjoy being together when we can. On the tour and during writing and recording it won't be a problem and we'll figure out the rest. You... you don't have anyone now? Steady I mean."
"Okay. I'll try to not shy away," Corey added with a smile. He couldn't help but always smile when Matt was close to him. After sitting closer he even pulled the slender man into his arms.
"And nope. No steady or nothing from like... almost a year and a half. I just... dunno… Got tired of the fuck buddies and used the time away recording and touring to distance myself from them," he shrugged and turned a bit red on his cheeks as he thought about the main reason. That none of those sex partners were Matt…
"I'll try not to shy away too," Matt chuckled a bit as he relaxed into Corey's arms, blushing a bit from knowing that Corey seemed to be only his at the moment. "You know... I mean I know that it probably sounds selfish, but it makes me feel good knowing that there's no one else. I know it's fucked up from me to say while having Ashley at home... and that I have no right to say this or expect this from you. But it's still a good feeling," he said low, cheeks coloring a bit too.
"But I don't want you to feel bound to me. I don't want to suffocate you or monopolize you, so to say. I think it's just fair if the opportunity presents itself that you have fun with someone else too, I guess. Although Ash is a bit different, because she's a woman and my wife. Damn, this is so confusing,” he laughed shortly. "What are your thoughts on the matter?"
"You know I swing both ways," Corey shrugged "but since I didn't want anyone else who came my way and even those who was in my circles for sexual reasons, I doubt that now that I can have you and you want me I would come across anyone that would trigger my urges," he leaned in to peck Matt's lips. He just felt the need for it. "You don't suffocate me. It's my own decision because I felt better that way. The only lover I have is...." he made a dramatic face raising his left hand. "And at times that purple thing in my nightstand drawer," he chuckled from the thought that he just gave away his "toy storage" for Matt.
"I know you like both. I meant that Ash has been my steady partner and wife for a very long time. But I get it. It was your decision," Matt smiled and kissed Corey's jaw line. "And I hope you know that you're the only man I ever felt drawn to or want and love..."
Then it was time for some laughing, ending with a little naughty smirk in the corner of Matt's lips. "Oh really? Then you'll have to show me my rival upstairs soon," he said while caressing said left hand.
"But there's another important thing I want to talk about with you..." he murmured, collecting his courage. He could feel that talking a bit like this about such pressing matters was already helping on them. And now that they finally opened up, things were just flooding out of them. "So... about the dynamic between us. In bed. Like... You surprised me a bit yesterday when you wanted me to boss you around and take you so roughly..." he cleared his suddenly dry throat, turning a bit redder. "How... how do you see us doing this?"
"Errr... What do you mean? I mean I thought it worked wonderfully between us," Corey asked back a bit confused about what Matt really wanted to ask. "I mean... I like to give and get as well. I like to be dominated and I like role play... I also like simple sweet cuddly love making and wild mating too," he laughed shortly. "Just what the mood brings for me I guess."
By the time Corey stopped talking, Matt could feel the tip of his ears burning too. Obviously he couldn't express himself well enough. Taking a deep breath he tried to collect his thoughts for a moment. "Okay... so yes, it worked amazing. I just got confused a bit about this dominating thing. Thought you might expect me to be always like that with you. Which I'm not sure that I'd be able to do. I mean... I'm not used to it and know just the basics. This is where you being more experienced comes in...." he scratched his own slightly stubbly chin.
"Don't get me wrong, it was fun and even mind-blowing. But I like to switch things up like you do. So we agree on that too. Good," he bit his bottom lip, glimpsing a bit embarrassed and shy at Corey. "I'm sorry. I suck at this."
"Yeah... You know in such communities people like me are called exactly that. A ‘switch’. One who enjoys being a bottom and a top and being dominated and submissive too. It's all okay, Matty. We are talking it over. Also... I don't want you to be… Err… like intimidated by my experiences. Because with you it's all new. This with you is brand new for me too. Only some technical part is what I have more knowledge of. But otherwise... " the big guy took a sharp inhale as he blushed all over till his thick neck too "otherwise you are the first for me. Like... God it sounds so silly and fluffy... But it's true. I only wanted to have a relationship with you. That's why I said to you that it's much more than just sex for me. I think it was back in our teen years too. I know it was more of a sexual experience for you… And I let you go probably ‘cause of that too. Because I felt like this for you even then. And if you couldn't it would have hurt me more in the end. I never had no one for long. You know that... I could never imagine myself as a partner for anyone else. Or to get emotionally and like... spiritually close to anyone beside you…"
The more Corey talked, the more Matt felt those words put his mind at ease. He relaxed back against his lover and kept caressing his chest and shoulder.
Also Matt was kinda floored by Corey's confession. "I had no idea that all was because of me..." he swallowed hard. It was mind-blowing, really. He knew that Corey usually kept people at arm's length, even those with whom he slept. But Matt didn't know he was keeping himself from a steady relationship because of him. Suddenly he felt bad that he was doing this unknowingly to someone. Especially someone who was so important and vital in his life.
"I was just a curious and all over the place kid back then. And when I started feeling more than just curiosity, I've got scared and pulled back," he nodded, caressing the cutely flushed face and neck. "It makes me feel bad to think that in case we didn't get to this point, you'd have kept yourself from getting into a serious relationship. Because of waiting on me. I'm so sorry that you had to wait for so long," he whispered and for a moment he thought that then Corey must have felt horrible and in pain when Matt married Ashley.
But before anxiety could choke Matt and take a hold of him, he took a few deep breaths and smiled a bit at Corey. "Still, all these things you just told me helped ease things in my mind. I see clearer now. Thank you. Is there something you want to ask from me?"
"First of all. You don't have to say sorry for anything. I never said or expressed in any way what I felt and thought. By now with time I know and understand how it was my fault. It's okay. Even more okay because just like now, back then I only wanted to get what you can give. And you were not ready or in the need of me, us... So it's okay. If it's forced it's not real and honest," Corey said kissing Matt shortly. "And I can ask the same… How you see this? And us sexual-wise? How you imagine it. What are your needs and how would you want it if you think of the future?"
"Okay. I guess you're right. I definitely wasn't ready. I... we probably needed all this time to get here. Nothing's a coincidence, right?" he giggled a bit nervously then took another deep breath, just playing with the fabric of Corey's tee while thinking for a moment.
"I think... I think I'd like to try out both roles. The top and the bottom too. The latter in a bit more time as it's something I feel like I still have to work myself towards. Last night was a big step not just for us but for me personally too..." he started, rolling his thoughts over his mind a bit more to sound more coherent. "Also, I want the romantic part of a relationship too. It keeps me grounded and relaxes me. Like the small gestures, touches, looks, the vanilla stuff. But I like the idea of roleplaying too. And I definitely want to meet Mr. Purple upstairs," he chuckled. "As for the future? All these. Whatever we get in the mood for. In whatever direction we'll build this thing. Or will build itself."
"That's good. I am like that with intimacy. What we are both in the mood for comes. Sex is for pleasure. We should enjoy it as it comes. Aaaaaand.... dunno if you're ready for Mr. Purple and his friends..." he laughed and winked teasingly.
"It seems we really are a good match in many ways," Matt grinned from ear-to-ear and stole a kiss. "Okay, so let's see if I am ready for them!" he lightly bit Corey's bottom lip then climbed off the couch to take his hand and drag him upstairs to discover and play with some of the contents of that naughty drawer. They definitely needed some fun after such serious topics...