Despite all the lube which had been used far too royally, it was still too big and too much. It took a moment for Derek’s body to adjust, for his muscles to yield to the thickness as it demanded entrance over and over in slow thrusts. It never fully left, Stiles pulled out until the tip was still inside and pushed back in, never giving the tight pucker the option to clench closed. It was like being penetrated by molten lava with the way the magic attempted to spread deep, caressing, taking, wanting. A shuddering sigh left him, as he remembered how to breathe, the erection going in so much easier after that.

Stiles moaned, sweat dripping down from his body onto Derek's skin, smearing, mixing their scents together even more – as if they were one being instead of two. Stiles didn't mind, he just kept up the sensual rolling of his hips, his cock starting to slide in and out easier. It was... out of this world. He blindly pressed more of his body against Derek, making more skin touch and rub together as he kissed into the fragrant neck, his muscles trembling non-stop.

"Derek..." he called his name as if urging him to open up for him, for the magic and bond between them. He needed Derek to accept it... him. "Please..." he whined low, teeth nipping the salty skin at the crook of the wolf’s neck.

It was all overwhelming. Stiles didn't make love, he was carving himself into the wolf, he was laying claim to everything. Like a forest fire hungrily eating away at the trees, the essence of Stiles washed over Derek, wanting more, always more. It scared the crap out of him, because he knew what was happening, what it needed. It made him clench up, tense, grappling for oxygen which he couldn't find. The thunder of his heart roared in his ears, tasting of fear. There was so little of him left, if he gave it all, there wouldn't be anything if he was left alone again. He had given so much so often. "Stiles..." he gasped.

His mate pressed against his neck, urging him and that fear? It left because deep down he knew Stiles was a good thing for him, the right person to give into. The magic wanted the life mate bond, it wanted to get through the final barrier which kept them from being what Derek knew they had always been. Stiles didn't know, he didn't know what he was asking, he was riding the high of sex and magic and love, carving away at Derek with every slow roll of the hips, with every deep thrust his cock made. It was a lost fight. Because he didn't want to fight it. The human was knocking on his heart, demanded to be let in when honestly, he had never not been part of it.

"I can't stop it. Stiles...."

The gasped plea was the last of that paper thin wall, Derek exhaled and simply... let go. Muscles went pliant, the magic had free reign to take as much as the rest of Stiles did. Closing his eyes, he let the amber flood wash over him from the inside out, wrapping their bond into solid gold. It was one way, Stiles wanted it all but had no idea how to solidify a mating bond like that and yet Derek still gave himself, letting himself be bound to this human forever. His human. His emissary. His mate.

Credit goes to the original artist

A shuddering and desperate breath left Stiles just seconds after Derek gave in. For a few agonizingly long moments he was scared... no, terrified... that he wouldn't let him in. 'Let me in.' He wanted to use that phrase, but couldn't. It reminded him of the Nogitsune too much. But now, when Derek finally let him in, those words have finally found a new meaning, overwriting the dreaded memory with something beautiful and intense. Something that was just theirs. Something incredibly important and meaningful.

His magic was out of control, but he didn't even attempt to stop it. He knew he couldn't. He knew it knew better and it felt right. So very right what was happening between them. So he didn't panic just let nature take its course. He never felt it so strongly and through it Derek so clearly. He felt Derek and his wolf side – how they were so very entwined, one strong being, not separate but a whole. He felt Derek's emotions. The fading fear, the giving in, the acceptance and love. Derek loved him. More than he let Stiles on.

That made Stiles' emotions swell too, pushing him to the brink of crying, because he couldn't contain his love for Derek, or the feeling of being free and yet completely this man's. To that his magic turned, like a tide on the sea, washing over him in waves, taking everything from him too as it bound him to his wolf. He wasn't stupid, he felt what this was about, even if he didn't dare to think about it yet, because it was so intense and huge. But the magic helped him give back just as much as he was taking – maintaining the perfect balance for the bond to solidify and deepen. It felt so strong that it took Stiles' breath away, making his hands curl into fists around the sheets, his hips rocking into Derek.

It felt like closing a circle. Finalizing something very important. Things were finally falling into place, working out as they were always supposed to be.

"Derek..." he groaned into the sweaty neck then blindly planted soft kisses against his jawline and stubbly cheek, panting, burning, moving as deeply as he could go. It did feel like melting into one with this wonderful creature.

Derek wasn't a lone wolf anymore.

Stiles may not know what this all meant but the magic sure did, it wasn't letting it be a one-sided bond. It connected them together fully, made sure there was nothing unfinished between them until there was a solid golden bond linked. It pulsed strong and healthy, created a rush of hormones and endorphins while their emotions were all over the place. Derek didn't know where his began and Stiles' ended, it was all wrapped into one because of the new connection created.

Stiles was like a man possessed, still keeping up with his thrusts, going as deep as possible achingly slow. It was remarkable how the human was able to while they bonded, to keep up with the hip rolls, the drag of the erection in and out. The wolf wasn't even aware he was still moving as well, meeting the hips each time they slapped against his ass, grinding himself into the bedding. It was like their bodies knew exactly what to do while their souls were busy mingling together as well. He was sure it would have been too overwhelming if there had been more of a soul to connect with. As it was, Stiles' magic healed what was left and made it flourish, making Derek feel more like himself again after everything.

Less lonely, less empty. The human was filling up all the empty spaces with his own energy and body, flooded the cold with warmth, took and gave. It wasn't as equal as it should be, Stiles had a lot of magic and a lot of soul and didn't seem to mind to share it. It meant some of Stiles was going to bleed over into Derek's behavior unless they'd find a way to fix his soul problem. He hoped they would, Stiles deserved to have a whole bond mate and not just the half.

"Stiles," he answered, gasped out loud. Derek was close? Or was that Stiles? It was a heady feeling to not know which body was ready to spill and he hoped it was himself because he didn't want this feeling of having Stiles inside of him to end. Ever again.

Stiles' mind was too overwhelmed by all the magic and emotions and feeling Derek as if he was in his whole being. It didn't leave much room for thinking. He was acting fully on instinct, his body knowing what to do. They worked so well together. It was incredible and unbelievable. Stiles would've never thought such a thing was going to happen between them or it was even possible when he had first met the grumpy man in person as he confronted him and Scott in the woods when they were trespassing on Hale territory. They've come so very far since that moment.

And now they were one – as much as Derek's incomplete soul allowed. He could feel the void, his magic filling it up, swirling in it as if searching for the missing part and also healing the 'ragged edges' of the remaining side. It wasn't like a broken medallion. No, Stiles saw it in his mind's eye like a constantly swirling bright source of energy, which made Derek who he was. Through the magic he could feel the pain, the loss, each wound his soul has suffered during his life. He realized that his cheeks were wet from his tears only when he leaned down and moved into a slightly awkward angle to be able to peck then lick into Derek's panting mouth. He needed him to feel that he was safe with him. His body, mind, heart and soul will be treasured and protected by Stiles until his last breath. He made that promise without words, but knew that Derek would feel and understand it through their now strong connection.

"Come for me. Please... I need to come too. So overwhelming... and intense..." Stiles managed to pant against Derek's lips with his trembling ones. They were starting to go numb, his whole body covered in sweat and tingling and twitching as he kept fucking Derek, his hips starting to fall out of the rhythm – a clear sign that he too was at the brink of exploding. He didn't know just how long he would be able to go on like this, to take the strong flow of magic.

Derek wasn't even sure what was what anymore, as he wanted to point out when Stiles pleaded for him to come, but all that really came out of the wolf's mouth was this needy little whine against the trembling lips. It was a good thing they were alone in the house, they were going to be conked out the entire day in a mating bond bliss, like a married couple after their wedding night.

Of course, his body knew exactly what it should do at the breathless command, the stunted thrusts bruised along his prostate and while sweat and tears salted his face, his own and his mate's, the warm body tightened like a vice, his balls drawing up as he came, making yet another mess on the bed. Stiles… Stiles… Oh god. Yes, please more, yes. Stiles. They were supposed to be thoughts, Derek didn't know he was uttering them in loud moans, the words spilling forth as much as his orgasm flooded. Normally he was the quiet one during sex, grunts and growls, moans sometimes. There was nothing quiet about him now as he clenched around the thick shaft while it still plowed inside of him with stuttering movements.

He came from being fucked only, not a hand had touched him, only the rubbing of the bed. And everything tingled and pulsed and was wet from sweat, lube and semen. Their sex was messy, which he loved. He wanted the stickiness, the stench of sweat and ass, of them mingling together. He also didn't want to move anymore, just wanted to lay here with Stiles over him and in him while the room smelled of them. It was perfect and he hadn't known this kind of perfection.

That needy whine was like a bolt of lightning down on Stiles' spine, flaring his magic up along the vertebrae, leaving goose bumps on his sweaty back on its wake. He also bit Derek's bottom lip, his hips snapping forward faster and harder from the tightening he could feel happening around him. He let the lips go just when those wonderful, wonderful words spilled out of Derek and it became Stiles' undoing too.

He's never heard anything like this from Derek before. The way he babbled his name and his need loudly over and over. It became Stiles' new favorite mantra for sure. He already knew he wanted to hear this again! It was just as big of a rush to him like the convulsing and coming body under him. It broke something in him in a good way and he also quite literally exploded in two ways. One was how his cock pulsed and throbbed and bathed Derek's clamping walls with his seed. The other was his by then visible amber magic. It burst out of him in a huge wave, covering their writing forms then swirling around them like a whirlwind while they were coming, completing the bonding on the peak of their blinding pleasure.

Sex magic, Stiles thought before his mind completely went blank and he was yelling a mix of Derek's name and curses and hoarse – nearly howl-like – moans. Like a dying beast, but he didn't care, because it was just so fucking good he wanted to cry again. He loved it. Loved it all! The dirtiness, the unlimited flow of their desires and emotions for each other, the binding magic, the writhing of their sweaty bodies, their yells, the scents, the sounds... It was beyond perfect and the best sex he has ever had.

But the best of it was the warm feeling of finally... finally coming home...

Derek was dimly aware of Stiles coming as well, their mutual grunting and groaning and spilling. It was all too much of everything, it was literally mind-blowing sex and for a long time he just laid there panting, pupils wide, body spent. His healing had already taken care of the discomfort which would have happened if he hadn't been a werewolf, all that remained was the soft cock nestled within because Stiles hadn't moved yet either. Almost as if he had a knot to keep them tied. It was why Derek didn't dare to even twitch, he didn't want this to end, wanted to keep his mate within.

They should talk about it, at some point, because bonding like that was important. It was forever and ever, pretty much werewolf marriage with how solid it was despite it being new. But then the doubt hit. Sure, the human had asked to be let in, no, there hadn't been asking, it had been a demand. But did he know what he had done or had it been the Spark within talking? And Derek had shamelessly accepted it, hadn't even put up a fight, so eager to have what he wanted that he didn't even stop to think about consent issues. He had let Stiles in and it was glorious and beautiful but what if Stiles didn't want this? Oh god. What if he'd freak when he'd find out how resolute this was? The fear of being rejected was too much to want to bring it up. It could wait, it didn't matter.

Settled with his decision, he instead kissed the hand of his mate resting next to his face. The entire room stank of ozone and magic on top of sex, it made him feel covered by a protective blanket. His eyes felt puffy from tears, happy tears but still unused to shedding them, except when in the throes of a nightmare.

"I didn't know it could be like this." It was a whisper, an admission, maybe his way to show gratitude for being introduced to the wonderful world of sex.

Floating. Stiles literally felt like floating, but he knew he wasn't doing that for real as he could feel Derek's warm and firm body still under him, holding him, keeping them as one. But his mind was a completely different thing. The white bliss stayed for the longest time he'd ever experienced. He had no idea either that sex could be like this too. Sure, he enjoyed his previous occasions, but none came anywhere close to this. This was something... entirely else. Otherworldly. And he was already addicted, because he knew it was going to be like this each time with Derek. Maybe not this intense, because he knew this was a very special occasion that has already changed their lives forever. He could feel it in his bones, in the calming down humming of his magic, in that bright golden bond between them.

He was suddenly so drained and exhausted to the bone. It took a long time for his heart and breathing to go back to normal as this had put a huge strain on his still mostly human body. But something was still going on in the background, kept changing and Stiles knew that once he slept on it, everything will be different. It already was, but it’s going to be even more.

He smiled against Derek's back both from the kiss on his hand and his words. "With the right person, it can be like this, yes..." he said and it was not his ego talking, but stating an universal fact. "I never felt anything like this before either... You're... seriously amazing... Don't even have words," he sighed happily then finally gathered the strength to move. Even if Derek was a strong werewolf so he wouldn't crush him with his weight, it had to be getting a bit uncomfortable for him.

He reluctantly slid free of that fine – and very much marked up – ass with a wet sound. It made him shudder both because his cock was too sensitive and because he loved that sound. If he had enough energy left in him, he would've crawled down to pull the cheeks apart and admire the sight of Derek's hole gaping and oozing his come. Maybe even would've eaten him out... But now he was too tired and his head still too floating to do that or notice the shift in Derek's emotions and thoughts. Instead he flopped down on his back right next to him, a hand lightly caressing the wolf’s side and arm as he turned his face, noticing the remains of the tears. His own were nearly dried.

"You okay?"

As much as Derek'd like to take credit for it all, he couldn't. The amazing part was from the bond they had already shared and made just now. It was intensified by all that magic so yeah, he couldn't agree with the statement. They were that amazing, together, creating electricity like no other could. Instead he agreed to the not having words for it with a soft grunt. Because that? That was something he was really good at, lack of words.

The grunt turned into this disappointed sigh when Stiles decided to move off of him, pulling out with this wet squelch and the wolf could feel the come trickling down to coat his balls. The way he was still open and he missed feeling something inside. It was a good kind of longing so he didn't move, reveled in the feeling of it before it would all tighten up again. His mate flopped down beside him, echoing the way Derek felt. They were too tired to move, he was fine with just laying here in the same position as Stiles had put him in. They should probably cover themselves with a blanket at some point for the sake of a certain sheriff coming home. Grabbing a pillow, he burrowed his face in it for a moment, inhaling the scent.

"Yeah," the mumbled reply came from the pillow before he rested his cheek on it, looking over at the human. "It was too much of everything, they started watering by their own choice." Happy tears, it was as strange a feeling as it was to cry over something sad. To have salty water running down for no function at all except to show emotions.

Derek felt like he hadn't slept for days and ran a marathon without werewolf strength. The bond, the magic, it had drained them more than actually making love. He didn't want to call it sex because this was more like mating than anything else. Didn't want to cheapen it despite his doubts and fears over what just happened. Stiles was going to go back to San Francisco, they'd have long distance and Derek would willingly wait for him without any problems. He had his pack to build, connections to other hunters and supernaturals to keep up with, friendships... And maybe within time, the forever part wouldn't be such a scary thing to admit to. Because at the moment he wasn't even sure if Stiles realized he had been the one to initiate it.

Let me in. The words hadn't been uttered, they had been 'Derek' and 'Please'. But the phrase had been there in their link, pulsing. It hadn't wanted a please, it had wanted a yes. And Stiles probably had no idea.

Stiles smiled at Derek sweetly and made himself roll on his side so he could reach out to caress his cheek, his thumb wiping away the remains of the tears. It was somehow such a gentle and intimate moment shared between them as they didn't break the eye-contact. Both still had a little color in them. Red and amber. They were slowly pulsing in the depth of their irises.

"Yes, it was too much but also perfect," Stiles murmured then just kept drinking in the sight of the other man. Was it possible that he saw him even more beautiful and alluring? Even more as his? This man right here was his and no one else's. Who would've thought that Stiles could be so very possessive over someone? But frankly, it didn't surprise him that it was Derek. He's been pining for the brooding wolf for years. He had wanted him as his just as long. And now he was Stiles'. He knew that with a kind of certainty which made his heart swell and at the same time calm his deeply rooted fears of never being wanted by Derek. He just had to look in his eyes to see that that was never going to happen. They were too deep in this.

It put another soft smile on the younger man's face and he ran his thumb over the full bottom lip. It was hard to control his swirling emotions, which – for a change – rendered him silent. Everything seemed and felt amplified and too deep and intense all of a sudden and his throat closed up, but he focused on staying calm.

"I'll get us some water and clean us up a bit. Then it's cuddle and sleep time. Be right back, you just stay here and keep being gorgeous," he finally found his voice, carefully and slowly moving to the edge of the bed. Standing was a funny thing, because each of his muscles was protesting. They felt heavy and stiff. How could his mind be still floating while his physical form felt like lead?

Either way – with some uncertain steps he grabbed a water glass Derek had left on his desk and walked butt naked into the bathroom opposite his room. He drank straight from the tap then filled the glass before wetting a clean washcloth with lukewarm water. He made a quick job with cleaning himself, all the while feeling Derek's eyes on him through the open doors. It was so funny how that could still make the tip of his ears color. Frankly, putting a little physical distance between their bodies was a bit grounding. At the moment Stiles could more or less suppress the need to crawl back over Derek to become one again. Not that either of them would have the energy for that, but the need to be as close to him as possible was constantly there.

Stiles was an endless source of energy. Even now when Derek was pretty much refusing to move at all. But not the human. He had flopped onto his back, rolled onto his side, fingers caressing and exploring softly. The wolf let him, watching him with half-lidded eyes full of warmth, accepting that part of him easily as well. They were opposites in so many ways, probably why they worked so well.

Stiles was all restless energy, quick wit, big mouth which talked miles a minute, socially awkward, sure, but very well-liked. He was good at technology, researching pretty much everything he could on the internet and used his phone like an extension of himself. An outgoing, geeky but friendly guy.

Whereas Derek was silent and mysterious, sticking to the shadows and sidelines, going days without a word being uttered. He owned a laptop for banking and another one for repairing his car, used his phone for calls and text sporadically, preferred reading books. He was a snarky asshole and didn't socialize much, yet managed to gather a steady and small group of friends. They shared a love for comic books and liked the same movies and shows. Derek secretly could kick Stiles' ass at computer games and they loved to bicker about everything. They worked, they had always worked, even when they hadn't. It was why he knew this was a good thing.

All of that went through his mind as Stiles studied him in marvel, fingers finding the older man's lip now to caress, transferring emotions, and for a moment Derek thought there was a panic attack about to happen. It didn't. Instead the human busied himself with getting water and cleaning himself up, while having Derek's alert eyes on him at all times to make sure the panic attack wasn't silently transpiring in the bathroom. That and he did enjoy watching his naked mate walk around like that, at ease with himself. There were tattoos now and muscles, he had filled out more over time. He was still, as he had always been in his own way, beautiful.

Back in his room, Stiles gently cleaned Derek up in silence. It was a comfortable one for a change and Stiles refused to let his mind overthink everything. For a while he just wanted to enjoy the peacefulness of these automatic and gentle moves after giving the other man the glass.

Stiles was silent, so very uncharacteristically silent. At first it was fine, it was the companionable one but the other used the washcloth to clean the alpha back and front, it became a little unsettling. Taking the cloth from him, Derek threw it into the bathroom with a perfect aim, getting the glass of water handed over as reward. It wasn't an offer, it was a motion that pretty much told him to sip from it or else... A small smirk played on his face as he did exactly that, before putting the glass back on the bedside table. He stretched out on his back, everything healed and back to how it was, which was a shame, he never could enjoy feeling his mate for days.

"You're quiet."

"Huh?" Stiles stopped staring at the messy and creased bed sheet and flashed a small smile at Derek to that. "Yes... I guess I am. The legends are true... Stiles Stilinski does go silent at times – and not just when he's sleeping," he made a gesture in the air with his hand as if revealing a big secret. And with that snatched the edge of the cover that was still more or less on the bed, dragging it up with a tired huff before lying back down on his side, his front touching Derek's side. He wriggled until he slipped under a muscular arm, putting one leg over Derek's to let their feet mingle then he covered them up to their waists and put his head over the other man's heart, its steady beating further calming his nerves.

"I'm just thinking about what just happened. How intense it was... is. Not just physically but metaphysically too. I never felt anything like this. It's overwhelming even if I love it. I love it that it happened, but it also scares me shitless with its intensity," he murmured, slender fingers drawing lazy circles on Derek's warm skin and playing with the dark chest hairs in turns, his scent invading Stiles' nose in the most perfect way. "Maybe I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop because this is just... so perfect. So huge. I'm not sure if I'm worth it, if I deserve it. To finally have whom I wanted for so long... To let myself be truly happy. Because you make me so happy, Derek..." he sighed, his body and magic under his skin buzzing contentedly. "My life's been so empty without you."

He wanted to be finally honest with Derek. Not that he would have tried seriously lying to Derek in recent years, but he didn't say out so many things which have been gnawing at him on the inside for so long. He figured if there was a time to speak his mind about some of his worries, then it was now. Despite their bone-deep tiredness.

"Hm." The only times Stiles was quiet was when he was sleeping, knocked out or near a panic attack. Or if he was working figuring something out. Derek had always watched the process with surprise. The way Stiles would stand before his large board full of photos, articles and strings, it was how he imagined the brain looked like, full of pictures and strings to connect happenings faster than should be possible. If the human was nervous, he'd babble and turn even clumsier, if he was angry, he'd make sure everybody knew it. A really quiet Stiles would never stop making him worry. Because it wasn't Stiles.

At least his question got him to sidle up to Derek, covering them up so that would be one worry less. He was pretty sure Noah was expecting them to have sex but that didn't mean he should find out by walking in on them all naked.

The older man let Stiles wriggle close until he was comfortable, the wolf's fingers caressing the pale skin of a shoulder in a slow pattern. This time it was his turn to be quiet, which wasn't that different from the normal. It was a relief to hear Stiles had no regrets, kind of echoing what he had been thinking about as well even though in the reverse.

It made him quiet, to think Stiles was the one to consider he wasn't worth it, that he didn't deserve it, like Derek was some kind of big goal to reach. He really wasn't. Derek had many issues, life would not be boring with him but it would be also dangerous. And that was the part that scared him, letting Stiles in when he got out of Beacon Hills, drag him into this world again. That had already happened though, there was no going back from it, which meant he was going to have to make sure to keep his mate safe along with his daughter.

"It scares me too," Derek said, and it wasn't so strange they had that feeling, considering how their lives had gone. "Nothing can ever be this good. You're... You were safe and now you're going to be in danger again because of me. But I selfishly wanted, I wanted you, wanted to be happy for once with a partner. And I'm sorry for that."

As he was silently enjoying the caresses on his shoulder, for a moment Stiles felt relieved that he wasn't the only one scared. Going slow was never an option for them after dancing around each other for years. Once they agreed to try it, it was as if the Universe wanted them to make up for all the wasted time and pushed them together all the way – literally. Flaring up things in them which Stiles didn't know about. He felt like he didn't know a lot of things still and it bugged him on some level, but also knew that when it was time, he was going to learn. He was wiser by now than the hyperactive teen wanting answers to everything in an instant. He had learned that life didn't work that way.

Derek's last sentence however made his emotions and magic stir up again, a strong sense of disapproval filling him, his golden aura shimmering just over his skin. "Don't be such a stupid ass!" Stiles exclaimed clearly upset as he lifted his head, irises bleeding into a golden color again. "Never feel sorry for wanting me. I'm fucking yours. Been for a very long time if you haven't noticed..." he grumbled, lips curling downwards and he had to take a deep breath and close his eyes to concentrate on calming his emotions and magic down. It was harder than before.

"I've never been safe. Not as a stupid kid. Not in high school when I started running with you and the others. Not as a detective. Do you think I haven't run into supernaturals in Frisco? Do you think I never had to shoot someone? Do you think I ever forget what I did while possessed? How I still fear it could happen even with my anti-possession tattoo, even if I know it works? I will never be safe because I'm human. Not so defenseless anymore plus I have my magic, but still... I'm a smushie human. So stop thinking that 'I've got out', because I never did," he answered Derek's thought without knowing. "Being on your side is safer anyway. And that's one of the reasons why I began dabbling in magic. To protect you and everyone I care about. Including myself too," he opened his glowing eyes, unable to fully reign in the seeping magic and upset feeling. "And I'll do that. Protect. And let you be selfish about this. I want you to want me, Derek. I want you to be happy with me."

The anger came as surprise, and Derek’s eyes widened at having that peaceful moment completely shattered because of something he had said. Not exactly new, he had a tendency to get people riled up and he had pushed Stiles like this before. Still, he felt guilty for it as he stared at the ember-flared eyes directed at him. The scent of an oncoming panic attack was lingering again, making him tense up, as well as this ball of emotions he nearly felt as his own threatening with choking him. There was anger and disapproval and it wasn't his.

He needed to hear it though, as much as he didn't want to, as much as he wanted to make his mate stop talking and stop making so much sense, he listened. Quietly. Because yes, Derek had thought the human had been dealing with detective business in San Francisco, not supernatural detective business. Which was, in hindsight, a little ridiculous considering the fact Beacon Hills wasn't the only town with werewolves and he knew that all too well.

Lowering his eyes, he glanced to the tattoo, so that was what it meant. Anti-possession tattoo, like the Winchesters had but a different design. It was smart, considering what had happened with the Nogitsune, considering that Stiles always had that door open in his mind, that little bit of darkness inside. Something Derek still felt responsible for, because Jennifer had forced Stiles into it. The human had done that ritual to save his father.

It wasn't Stiles' humanity that made him a target though, it was his Spark and the fact he had been around wolves. And now he was going to be a huge target because he was an alpha's mate. They were going to have to keep the druid part a secret as much as they can.

"Stiles, you're my emissary, I am selfish about it, there's no take backs with this." But that did nothing to stop the magic flaring up, if anything, he only started to feel more upset because Derek hadn't realized how clinical that sounded. The eyes were nearly shooting fire at this point so he reached out to touch Stiles' cheek, to get his full attention.

"I'm not used to being happy. But I want to try with you." His grip tightened a little. "I wouldn't have made love to you if I didn't want you. I don't do one night stands." Sex for the sake of sex wasn't his thing, never had been and never would be.

The mess that was Stiles’ emotions was getting even more jumbled up from the growing anger and slipping control. The panic was starting to creep up at the edges again, because he couldn't stop it. He didn't want to be angry at Derek, but he was upset and Stiles had difficulties pushing that down and sorting his feelings out. Not to mention that now his magic got into the mix too. It bubbled up in him from Derek's words. They hurt and it nearly felt as if his magic was... pouting? It was crazy.

Even so, the second Derek's warm hand touched Stiles' face, it helped him focus on the touch and the warmth. The words that followed making him relax a bit and regain control over his shallower breathing. He hated dancing on the verge of panic, but got much better with it during the years and it showed.

"I get it. I am not used to being happy either. I mean... really happy. It always eluded me. I was happy, but not... happy happy. It sounds stupid, but it is true nonetheless. I am babbling again..." he sighed, feeling the starting anger begin to recede, his magic pulling back and getting more steady again. "I know you want me. I want you too. So much. Just... please do not feel sorry for being selfish about the emissary bond or being with me. I chose to be with you. I wanted that. I want you," he repeated and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. A bit more force than to make it chaste or gentle. It was nearly desperate, because he wanted Derek to understand his words. To understand that he wanted this between them.

He knew, the moment it happened that Stiles had very little control over the magic, it flared along with his emotions. Much like a newly bitten werewolf would struggle, Stiles had triggers but his anchor was clear as well. The moment his hand touched the skin, it calmed. Which probably was going to need training soon and that wasn't going to be easy with Stiles in San Francisco. Druids weren't well known, they often kept their identities hidden and the pack there most likely weren't so keen on having a new emissary trained with theirs. If they even had one. It was not always the case. An emissary was an advisor, one to restore balance and packs were stronger with one but that didn't mean they all had one. Stiles was powerful, like Jennifer had been, he was going to need somebody equally strong and trained.

I want you, he said. But Derek didn't know if it was the human talking or the magic. There were doubts, fear of forcing the one he loved into a bond he didn't want. Fears he didn't mention, he couldn't, it ran too deep to blurt out. It would make him vulnerable to utter it, it was too soon and it was all too much. So he didn't say anything at all and returned the desperate kiss, hand clasping to the back of Stiles' head to keep them locked for a moment longer.

Maybe he couldn't say much, maybe words weren't his friend but he could show through actions. Derek poured everything into the kiss. Yes, he wanted this, he wanted Stiles, there was no regret in what happened, not in the car and not just now. Whatever their future was going to bring, these moments were going to be forever theirs and nobody was going to take that away from them.

"We'll make it work. I can come to you in the weekends when Beth's with Lydia, you can come here in your free time. In time we'll figure something out."

It wasn't ideal, to have to be apart all the time but Stiles had a good job over there and Derek couldn't keep moving, not with a child. She needed stability, bad enough they had to move again once the loft was ready. No, it wasn't great like this but after years of not having anything, they should be happy with having something.

Stiles' whole being shuddered with relief when Derek returned his kiss and kept him close and grounded with that hand on the back of his head. He quickly stole a few more pecks – obviously not being able to get enough of Derek, even if he was tired to the bone both physically and emotionally – before letting him talk again. The amber was now only shimmering in his irises as he was looking back into the other man's eyes from close.

He could feel fear in Derek. Fear of the future? Fear of how they should do this? Fear of Stiles not being able to handle this? He didn't know, but he could feel it was rooted deeply. He could've asked, but Stiles was cleverer by then than not giving Derek some space. He knew how much the wolf hated being cornered. The last thing he wanted now was to upset Derek and make him close up and with that effectively closing him out too. Stiles wanted him to be open with him, but also knew that because of the way Derek was wired and all the tragedies in his past, he had to be patient. Give him some time to share his deeper thoughts. And maybe one day his deepest fears and needs too. He very much hoped that it was going to happen. That he would trust him with those secrets – which Stiles would keep and treasure. Then he focused on what his pair was saying and it kicked more gears into action in his buzzing mind.

"I've thought about this too... Yes, I'll have to go back in a few days and just thinking about it makes me feel... agitated," he confessed grimacing and nuzzling even tighter to Derek, if possible. He rested his head on Derek's shoulder now to be able to keep looking at him as he talked. "I know it's not an ideal situation for now, but yes, we'll find a way to make it work. We have to. I'm all in this, Derek. I'm not going to give up on us now that we are finally together! I just wanted you to know this. I want you and Beth and the pack as an integral part of my life. I also understand that I cannot uproot you and her and the pack. Beacon Hills is your home. The Hales have lived here for a long time and you are the protector of this land and the Nemeton," he continued. "So I'm thinking about moving back. I have several reasons now. You being the biggest," Stiles stroked along a muscular upper-arm.

"I could've stayed with the FBI, become an agent. I know I could have been good at that job too, but I didn't want to. The furthest I could move was Frisco. And after all these years it still feels... alien. Not home. My home is here, with you and Beth and my dad and the others. I know this might sound strange or even stupid after just a few days knowing that you are back and have a daughter, but it's so clear to me now. And I want to come home now that it's filled with life and warmth again. But I have to go back now to sort things out. I... or rather we… also have to talk to my dad. About us and moving back. I could commute to Frisco and ask them to put me into another kind of shift so I could spend more time with you and the pack and any supernatural shit that might occur on our doorstep. Or if it doesn't work at the department, I can always ask dad if there's an opening at the station for a detective job," he mused, talking fast again to voice as many of his racing thoughts as he could.

It once again rendered Derek silent, the idea that Stiles wanted to move back for him because nobody had been willing to do that for him before. If anything, they mostly couldn't wait to get away from him if the opportunity had presented itself. Not Stiles, he was already thinking up all kinds of scenarios, all involving him to be able to be part of Derek and Elizabeth’s life.

He'd never ask from Stiles to do that, and it was something they were going to have to think about. They were riding the high of the bonding and it could change, maybe? Not their feelings, he wasn't worried about that, but there might be regrets in leaving a good job behind. It was too far away to commute daily but yeah, obviously there were options and they had time to talk about it, to think about the next steps and what was best for the human. The Beacon Hills department was just a sheriff and his deputies, the county didn't need a detective but maybe, with all the deaths in town, an opening could be created. Derek had to admit, the idea of Stiles working with Jordan was one he liked, because it was safe to be around a hell hound.

The human rambled on, Derek was only half listening because he knew this was Stiles uttering his many thoughts without a problem. It could be annoying to be subjected to the word vomit but it was also something he admired and wished he had more of. He was so closed off that when he tried to voice thoughts, he'd turn into this blunt asshole because only a few things came out and they always came out wrong. Stiles' weakness with this was that he could railroad right over others, his thoughts too busy to allow an opinion in sometimes. He could get insensitive with it too.

"I will make sure the loft is ready soon and whatever you need, we'll work into it." It would be good for Beth too. She was used to having grandpa Noah around, and she was quickly warming up to Stiles as well. Werewolves weren't meant to be solitary creates and she needed others around her. Cora wasn't the ideal person for a toddler to live with, it would be good if Stiles would join them at some point. "I wouldn't mind moving some day but... it's too soon after Hell." He had no job he needed to think of, his job was owning buildings, selling them, or renting them out. Sometimes investing wisely paid off, the old money had been doubled and tripled and then some.

"Nah, no need to move out of Beacon Hills. It's my home too," Stiles waved him off before placing his hand onto Derek's chest again, lightly caressing it. "I'll need the blue prints for the loft to see exactly what you have in mind for it so I can work my ideas in. But as I said, I'll want to help there too," he went with the new topic, his mind switching to it smoothly.

He nearly voiced his question ‘Do you realize we are nesting?’ to Derek, but rather bit his tongue. He knew wolf pairs tended to do that too. And they were essentially building a family home. And then Stiles suddenly froze and blinked at Derek with a soft smile.

"You want me to move in there, don't you?" he asked with some warm fuzzy feelings, his magic practically purring in him like an instinct-based beast. For a second he wondered if that's how Derek's wolf side felt to him. Of course it was different, but still...

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