Chapter three

“So what do you think?” Callan asked as they stepped out of the elevator on the 102nd floor and took their place in the line to go out onto the observation deck.

“This whole place is absolutely amazing.” he answered looking around him the architecture is something else.”


“I can’t believe that you’ve never thought to come here before.”

“I know, I just guess I was yeah it’s a building” he looked at the people around them “It isn’t as busy as I was expecting”

“Like all places it has it’s quieter times, that’s when it’s best to come.”
Slowly they moved up the line until it came their turn to be step out on the observation deck.
“Sorry” Callan began “I’ve just realised I never thought to check about how you were with heights.”

“I’m ok with them.”

“So you’re not going to pass out on me or something then when we get outside, we’re going to be pretty high up you know?”

“So how far up are we now?”

“Right now, 391 metres, or..” giving him a sly smile as she saw him trying to work out the conversion “1250 feet for people over the age of 40.”

Dave grinned at her and chuckled “You’re getting too cheeky Calli.”

“So are you going to pass out on me then?” she asked as they were waved past by the security guards and stepped through the double doors

“No I think I can handle it but I guess I can hold onto you if I get scared.”

“Good, you can’t come all the way up here and miss out on the fabulous views, look you can see for miles.”

Dave couldn’t help but smile to himself, he could see she was about to get over excited again as she suddenly grabbed his hand and practically dragged him to the barrier.

“Look over there that’s Madison Square park.” She fished around in her bag pulled out some change and inserted it in to one of the viewers, “And remember I told you about Williamsburg bridge?” she lined up the viewer “You can see it there look.”

“Ok ok” he laughed “ as she moved aside so that he could look, where?” He asked squinting through the viewer

“Over there look, there on the left going over the river.” suddenly she paused “Sorry I’m doing it again aren’t I?”

“Yes you are, but I do find it very endearing” he grinned at her cheekily “So what else should I be seeing?”

“If move a little more to the right you should be able to see the Brooklyn and Manhattan bridges.”

“Ok anything other than bridges?” He teased.

“Probably” she began to blush at his words “Move a little more round to the right then the Statue of Liberty should come into view.”

“Oh yeah I see it now, wow it’s amazing out here,” He said scanning the skyline for a couple more minutes until the veiwer shut off.”

They stepped away from the binoculars and Dave looked down at the street below below them “I’ve noticed before though the lights change from time to time, why is that?”

“It all depends on the time of year for instance they’ll change the colour for the US coastguard anniversary in July or they change them for special events like orange for Halloween or pink for Gay Pride, at other times they turn them off completely”

“They do? Why?”

“During spring and Autumn sometimes there are large numbers of birds flying near to the building attracted by the lights so they turn them off then so that the birds don’t fly into the tower and kill themselves.”

“Oh right I see.”

Slowly they made their way along the platform stopping every few seconds to stand and look out in to the distance, both of them trying to beat the other by being the first to spot landmarks.

“So” she turned to him as they stopped one more time before beginning to make their way back inside “ What do you think didn’t I tell you it was amazing out here?”

“I have to admit Calli you’re right,” He answered as he stood close behind her and rested his arms on her shoulders “I can’t believe I never thought about doing it before, I’ll have to bring Stella, obviously she’s been but I want to see her reaction when she’s out here.”

“Make sure you bring her on a clear day, the two of you will be able to see for miles then.”

“How far?”

“About 80 miles or so, if the visibility is really good you can see right out to Massachusetts”

“Really?, Wow Stella is so going to love it when I bring her, thank you for bringing me.”

“That’s ok I’ve enjoyed it, I just hope I didn’t bore you too much with my ramblings about it.”

They made their way back inside and stood waiting for the elevator with a few other people in companionable silence for a few moments “Sorry” Callan whispered blushing as her stomach suddenly rumbled.

“Was that you?” Dave laughed

“Yeah.” she looked at him blushing harder “I guess my stomach woke up.”

Suddenly he looked at her seriously “When did you last eat?”

“I don’t know?” she shrugged “I had some toast when I first got to the diner.”

“You mean you haven’t eaten since breakfast? But that was hours ago.”

“I know I guess I forgot lunch as I was so busy.”

“Well come on, we’ll go and find a restaurant and have dinner then.”

“I’m not sure David” she said looking down at the band shirt and jeans she was wearing,”I’m not exactly dressed for going out.”

“You look fine hon but if you’d rather we can go and get something to eat here, I noticed a couple of places where we came in.”

“I don’t know” she answered nervously

“Callan” he looked sternly at her “You’re going to have something to eat before you pass out on me, anyway it’s the least I can do to say thank you for bringing me here, so no arguments ok”

“Ok”


“What type of food do you fancy?” Dave asked as they made their way back down to the lobby in the elevator.

“I don’t mind really.”

“We’ll just see what’s there then.” Dave smiled at her as the doors opened.

“How about Pizza?” he asked spotting a pizza restaurant as they walked across the lobby

“I really don’t mind what we have”

“Sure?”

“Yes”

“Ok pizza it is.”

Sitting down at their table they both looked at the menu for a couple of minutes

“Seen anything you want? Dave asked

“I’ll just have a Caesar salad I think”

“Are you sure you don’t want a pizza to go with it?”

“No thanks the salad will be just fine.”

“How about some garlic bread then? You really should eat more than a salad.”

“Well” she began suddenly feeling awkward around him “I haven’t had garlic bread for ages.”

“I’ll order you some then.”

“Ok”

“Yes I’ll have a four seasons pizza with extra cheese and Callan will have a Caesar salad” he told the waiter who appeared suddenly ready to take their order.

“Do you think I could I have the dressing in a separate dish please?” she asked the waiter looking up at him.

“Of course madam.”
“And something to drink?”

“I’ll have a large orange juice and soda water.” Dave answered “Calli?”

“Diet Pepsi please.”

“Ok” the waiter looked down at his pad and checked their order “So that’s one four seasons and a Caesar, a diet Pepsi and OJ and soda, thank you sir, madam.”

“Are you sure you don’t want any wine or perhaps a beer instead?” Dave asked as the waiter headed off towards the kitchen.

Callan shook her head, “No Pepsi is fine thank you.” She paused for a minute and looked at him “I try to stay away from alcohol to be honest.”

“Really” Dave looked at her “Is there a reason for that?”

Callan nodded slowly at him and looked down at the table for a moment

“Sorry, it’s none of my business, I shouldn’t have asked”

“No it’s ok” she raised her eyes back up to look at him and saw something in the way he was now watching her that told her that somehow he’d understand.

“Callan are you ok?”

“Yeah.” she looked at him wondering why for some reason she suddenly needed to tell him, she took a deep breath and continued “It was beginning to get to a problem for me, so I ditched it.”

“In what way?” he reached over and took her hands squeezing it gently.

“Well I realised I was becoming to need it more and more, at first I’d just go out for a drink or two after class to unwind and de-stress, but after a while that wasn’t enough so I’d have a couple of vodkas after I’d gotten home, then I’d be pretty much drinking all night whilst I studied, sometimes I’d wake up about four in the morning at my desk with a glass still in my hand. After that it began to spill over to a couple sips in between lessons.”

“Oh I see.” he managed surprised at what she was telling him.

“I really realised it was a problem when..” she paused and looked at him “I don’t handle stress at all well David, anyway I’d had a terrible two weeks and was really down, so I went out and bought a bottle vodka and decided that I was just going to have a couple of drinks chill out and watch some TV you know that kind of thing, well there was a special offer on at the off licence so I ended up buying two intending to give the second one to my Dad as a birthday present the following week.” She stopped again for a moment and looked at Dave “That was on the Friday evening by the Sunday both bottles had gone.”

Dave looked at her shocked “You drank two bottles of vodka that quickly? Jeez.. You must have been really ill after that.”

“You’d think so wouldn’t you, but I guess by then my body was used to me drinking large amounts or something I spent the Monday vomiting but that was about it. Anyway that was when I realised that I was beginning to get dependent on it, so I got myself sorted out and joined a programme, I got really really stressed and slipped back a couple of times during my last lot of exams, but I’m trying really hard not to let it happen again. ”

“Honey that’s really brave of you to tell me that” he squeezed her hand once again “Thank you for being honest.”

“Thank you I just wanted you to know that’s all.” She looked up as the waiter reappeared with their drinks “Thank you.”

“Oh thanks” Dave said as the waiter set the glasses down on the table.

“Well if we’re being honest with each other, I’d better tell you, I had a problem with drink too.”

“You did?”

“Yeah a few years ago now, so I do know how you feel and what you are going through sweetheart. When I was younger the band I’m in took off pretty much overnight and we toured a lot in the early days. Being on the road all the time, we’d be partying all night after gigs, there were times when it never seemed that we were never sober, we’d get back to the hotel about 3am or 4 am, sleep it off , check out later and start again the next evening or mid afternoon depending on how much we wanted to party.”

“Oh so you liked to party then?”

“It was a completely new life to us back then, so we embraced it all at the time, we lived the life to excess as they say.” Now it was his turn to stop as he tried to decide how much he was going to say, whether to tell her the whole thing now or later.

“Well eventually after years had gone by I realised I had to got myself sorted.” He continued making the decision he was going to tell her bit by bit everything he’d gone through, frightened of how she would react, the last thing he wanted was for to get scared and run, he’d tell her when the time was right.

“You know for Jacks sake, so I faced my demons and did it as hard as it was to get through. That’s actually how I met Jen it was when I was in rehab, that’s probably why I needed her then she knew what I was going through.” He looked at her and gave a sad smile “Anyway I survived to tell the tale. I’m here back from hell.”

“Do you find it hard to be around people when they’re drinking and you can’t?” she asked looking at him.

“At first yeah, but slowly I got used to it, the hardest was the first time we toured afterwards, you can’t help but be surrounded by people drinking when you’re on tour.”

“I guess not” she sighed.

“I’m not saying it’s easy because it isn’t, sometimes I’ll think to myself God I’d just love a beer right now, but I don’t because I know what will happen,” he paused slightly for a second “Anyway nowadays I have a bloody good reason not to go back there again. ”
“Rosie right?”

“Yes” he nodded “And the boys, I put Jack through hell when he was younger, there’s no way I could put him or Rosie and Jimmy through that. What about you Calli how do you find it?”

“Incredibly hard, especially where I’m living at the moment, the guys there like to party at lot so they’re always drinking and there’s always stuff lying about.”

“Must be hard for you when the temptation is there all the time”

“Like I said I try not too and most times I’m ok, so far I’ve been alright since I came to New York. But as I said I don’t cope well with stuff especially if I’m under too much pressure, sometimes I’ll flip completely and before I realise it I’ve downed a few vodkas and I’m..I’m.. hold…” she shook her head “Sorry you’ve only known me a few hours you don’t want to hear my problems..”

“Calli if it helps…”

“Oh look are meals are here ” she interupted him bringing the subject to a close.


“Can’t you move out?” Dave asked sensing it was time to move to another subject, as the waiter placed their meals down in front of them “I mean can’t they move you to another apartment if you’re having a problem with the people you’re sharing with now?”

“They’re trying to, but there are no spaces available anywhere else at the moment. There was a fire where I was supposed to be staying, so they had to find me what they call short term accommodation and then someone somewhere made a mistake with paperwork and I ended up having to share with 4 guys.”

“Hang on do you mean you’re the only girl there.?”

Callan nodded “I guess someone thought Callan sounded like a guy’s name and put me in with the others.”

“So how long have you been there?”

“Two months, I mean the guys themselves are ok especially Nathan he kind of looks out for me, but they just want to mess about all the time.”

“Won’t they get kicked out of school or anything?”

“No they’re just there until it’s time for them to go and work for their Daddies companies, so they don’t have to actually work that hard.”

“So do they hit on you and stuff?”

“Oh no, nothing like that, I’m way to geeky for them, besides they’re all into cheerleaders and girls like that.”

“Poor you, do you have any idea how much longer it will take?”

“No I guess I’ll just have to wait and see” Callan replied dipping her knife into the Caesar dressing and smearing it onto a piece of lettuce before putting it into her mouth.

“So what about boyfriends? Are you seeing anyone?”

“No. not at the moment”

“Anyone you’ve got your eye on then?” he winked

“What in my classes? I don’t think so.”

“What about this Nathan you mentioned then?”

“No he’s ok, but he’s just a friend, he’s not my type and I’m certainly not his. What about you?”

“No.”

“Oh come on surely there must be a queue of women waiting in line for you.”

Dave looked at her and gave that low chuckle of his again “Probably, but I’m not interested in anyone right now.”

“Really?”

“Well maybe one or two, but to be honest I’m not looking for anything like that at the moment, I’ve had a busy couple of years with working and my own stuff and then sorting out the divorce settlement and everything, I just want to give myself to the kids for now and spend as much time as I can with them before I go off and start work on the new album.”

“So just the odd bit of fun then.” Slowly she blushed said as she realised she’d said it out loud “Sorry” she cringed

“That just slipped out.”

“Callan” he pretended to be shocked, before laughing “I’m glad you said that.”

“You are why?”

“Because it shows you’re being yourself with me.”

“I don’t understand… why?”

“Let me explain” he smiled at her “Too many people try to be something they’re not around me, you know they try to be the person they think I want them to be and not who they really are and I hate that, you don’t do that, I like it.”

“Do people behave like that around you?”

“Some people yes, I guess it’s because of who they see me as, they perhaps don’t think of me as a regular guy.”

“You mean they see you as Dave Gahan rock star.”

“Something like that, God that sounds really pretentious and big headed doesn’t it?”

“I think I get what you mean though David, I don’t think I could cope with people being like that with me, it must be hard.”

“It can be, but at the same time it’s a huge boost to the ego, especially for someone like me.”

“So you like the job then?”

“Tell me what other job there is where I can stand on stage grab at my dick and make thousands of women scream.”

“You do that on stage?”

“Along with a few other things yes.”
“So do you like women throwing themselves at you then?”

“Maybe the odd one or two.” Dave grinned evilly at her, surprised at the direction the conversation was now taking after the earlier admissions both of them had made.

“And groupies? Do you have lots of them?”

“When I was younger yeah, I’m not so sure I have that many now I’m older though.”

“Do you sleep with them?”

“Nosey aren’t we little one, do you really want me to answer that?”

“If you want to, like I said earlier you fascinate me,”

“So why the interest in my sex life all of a sudden or do you always grill people you’ve only just met on their sexual habits?”

“No you’re the first” she laughed “ I’m just interested that’s all.”

“Sure there isn’t more to it?” he teased

“No” she blushed “I was just trying to get a picture of you and your life that’s all, sorry am I making you feel uncomfortable?”

“Calli darling it’s going to take a whole lot more than this to make me uncomfortable believe you me.”

“So do you then?”

“Do I what?”

“Sleep with them of course?”

“When I was younger yes obviously.”

“And now…. I mean now you’re divorced.”

“Nowadays I go for quality for quantity honey.”

“So you wouldn’t be tempted if some fan came onto you now then?” she looked around the restaurant “say if one of the women here tonight recognised you and came over to hit on you?”

“You’re not going to make me an offer are you?” he grinned wickedly

“No of course not,” she spluttered “ I was speaking hypothetically, I mean obviously you’re a good looking guy who I’m guessing could charm the knickers off any woman he wanted to, so would you be tempted?”

“It depends on who she was I guess and what she wanted. Like I said nowadays I go for quality not quantity and I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment.”

“But you wouldn’t turn down a one night stand if it was on offer right?”

“Are you sure you’re not hitting on me Calli?” he chuckled

“Absolutely positive.”

“Ok, well in answer to your question, tell me one guy who’s single who’d turn down the offer of a night of good meaningless fucking.”

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” she stabbed at a cherry tomato and popped it into her mouth

“Anything else you want to ask, maybe my personal preferences, what I like to do in bed, that kind of thing?”

“No I think I’ve heard enough for now thank you, I don’t need the details of the kinky stuff.”

“Pity because that’s the best part. So what about you?”

“What about me?”

“Honey it’s my turn to ask the questions now, so would you turn down a night of meaningless mind blowing sex?”

“It depends who was offering I guess.” she smiled

“Ok, next question ready?”

“You’re really going to get your own back and ask me aren’t you?”
“Too right honey, it’s your turn to be honest now so spill, your first time.. Where and how?”

“Oh god do I really have to answer?”

“I answered your questions didn’t I?”

“Yes ….Ok well I’ll email you when it happens and give you the details then ok.”

“You mean” he looked at her surprised as she slowly nodded in reply

“Wow I just assumed… well….so is a conscious decision then?”

“Is what a conscious decision?”

“You know you being a virgin, I mean do you believe in not having sex outside of marriage?”

“No I just haven’t found anyone I actually want to sleep with yet, that’s all.”

“But you’ve had boyfriends though right?”

“Yeah a few, but none I’ve wanted to have sex with, so I haven’t.”

“Aren’t you curious about it though?”

“God yeah of course I am,but that doesn’t mean I feel the need to rush out and have sex with the first guy I meet. Actually” she blushed slightly as she looked at him “I’m doing a paper back in England on it.”

“What?”he exclaimed almost choking on the piece of pizza he’d just put into his mouth.

“I’m doing a paper on it. You know things like Prostitution, Bondage and S&M stuff like that.”

“Jeez now that’s one project I wouldn’t have minded doing when I was at school, and you’re really doing that paper, you’re not winding me up.”

“No I’m really writing it, it’s been absolutely fascinating researching it.”

“Maybe I could read it sometime.”

“Perhaps when it’s finished I’ll let you. Shall we move on to the next subject then seeing as I have no wild tales to tell about my sex life?”

“Ok” he smiled “So what kind of music do you like Callan?”

“Pretty much anything but guitar stuff is my favourite you know bands like The Kaisers.”

Dave looked at her blankly

“Muse?” she asked

“Oh yeah the Muse” he answered relieved that she’d mentioned someone he’d heard of, slyly he cast a glance at her T shirt “How about the Pigeon Detectives?”

“You like them? Wow I wouldn’t have thought anyone would have heard of them here.”

“Yeah Jack told me about them.”

“So what do you think about their stuff?”

“Yeah they’re ok, I’ve watched some of their stuff on you tube”

“What did you think? That singers mad isn’t he the way he spins that microphone round like a lasso” she laughed

“Erm yeah” he found himself blushing slightly and cast another glance at her shirt.

“What?” she asked following his gaze “Oh” she looked at him the corners of her mouth twitching “you don’t really know them at all do you?”

“Ok ok you got me” he laughed “It’s just that I felt so out of it when you mentioned all these bands I’d never heard of.”

“David” she laughed shaking her head..“So who do you like then?”

“People like White Stripes, Jane’s Addiction and I’m really into Sigur Ross at the moment plus all the stuff that was around in the 70’s when I was growing up people like Bowie”

“And what kind of Music do you do, would I have heard it?”

“Possibly, I put out my second solo album Hourglass last year.”

“Sorry” she shook her head “I don’t recognise the name”

“It’s ok it not compulsory to listen to it you know.” he chuckled “I’m working on some new stuff at the moment because I’m still with the band I mentioned earlier as well.” he paused for a minute counting backwards “Jeez we’ve been together what 27 years, so that’s probably even older than you are” he said with a wink.”

Callan looked at him and smiled “Wow thats a long time, there can’t be that many bands who have been around that long, perhaps I’ve heard of you then, what are you called?”

“Depeche Mode.”

“Depeche Mode… Depeche Mode” she whispered to herself thinking hard “erm erm, the name rings vague bells Depeche…. Depeche….Depe….” suddenly her face lit up “Depeche Mode of course you played Rock Am a couple of years ago right?”
“I believe we did.”
“Of course I think you headlined or something didn’t you? Me and my friends watched some of it on line because we liked the bands playing it” She stopped and looked at him blushing “But actually we lost the connection before you guys came on stage so we didn’t get to hear what you were like…sorry.”

“Seems like you were fated not to hear how we sounded then.”

“Well at least I’ve heard of you guys I guess if I heard something by you I’d know who you are, I must have heard something by you in all these years.”

“Maybe but then again you live in England we don’t get much airplay there.” he laughed

“Really? But you are an English band right?”

“Yeah, we’re Britain’s best kept secret, but we do have a very loyal set of fans over there, so it’s nice to go there and play when were on tour.”

“Must be hard work touring though.”

“It is especially the way we do it now. We do a world tour, rather than individual tours, so we tour every 4 years or so and we’re on the road for a long while, but it does have it’s advantages too.”

“How about when you finish touring do you miss being out there playing live?”

“Yes I do, it’s great to get back to family and home but at the same time it takes a while to adjust, you’ve spent what maybe 8 or 9 months where people are doing everything for you, you’re getting what you want and then suddenly you’re back home and having to do stuff for yourself again you know no one to run around after you, you’ll go to get something from the fridge and find that you’ve run out of milk or juice and no ones been out to get it for you, that kind of thing.” He gave a small laugh “Or you find things to become obsessed with, After the last tour I got totally obsessed with how to load the dishwasher, Me and Jen fought for weeks over that one.”

Callan laughed “You sound like me, I’m like that I can’t stand it when the guys I share with do that, I have to reload the dishwasher else I’ll sit there for the whole cycle worrying about how the knives are in the wrong way round. Something wrong?” She asked noticing the expression on his face.

“That’s exactly what I got obsessed with most the way the knives had to be put in, I used to get really mad when she put them in the wrong way round.”

“Looks like I’m not the only insane one.” she giggled

“Perhaps we should flat share then” Dave laughed at her “at least we wouldn’t argue over how use the dishwasher.”

“Yeah perhaps we should although I’m not the easiest person to live with.”

“Really well I’ve been told that many times myself so I’m sure it’d work. My God is that the time” he asked glancing at his watch “It’s 11.30pm already.”

“You’re kidding me? No way. David I really do have to go, I have an early class tomorrow.”

Reaching down ahe retrieved her bag from the floor, “Thank you so much for dinner” she got up from her chair leant over and kissed his cheek “It was lovely to meet you David.”

“Callan hang on a minute whilst I pay and we’ll get a cab I’ll drop you at yours on the way.

“No I’ll be ok.”

“Calli there is no way I’m letting you walk home alone understand.”

“David I’ll be fine.”

“No arguments honey I’m seeing you home and that’s final ok”

“Ok” she smiled.

“Let me walk you to the door” Dave said as the cab pulled up outside her building 15 minutes later

“No it’s fine.” she looked out of the cab window “Look it’s beginning to rain now you stay here, I’ll be ok.”

“Callan I want to make sure you get home safely.”

“I’ll be fine David honestly” she smiled, the last thing she wanted was any of the guys she lived to see her with someone.

“If you’re sure.”

“I am, besides you can see my door from here anyway, See.” she pointed towards the left hand side of the apartment
block “I’m on the second floor, you can see my door through the window of the stairwell.”

“Ok I’ll watch you go in though, Goodnight then baby” he leant over and kissed her on the cheek “Thank you for a lovely evening.”

“Thank you for Dinner, oh” she clasped her hand to her mouth “My stuff is still at your studio.”

“That’s ok it’ll be perfectly safe overnight, pop by tomorrow and pick it up, you remember where it is don’t you?”

“I think so”

“Have you got pen and paper?”

Callan rummaged round in her bag “yeah here.”

“Ok, look this is the address, studio number and my apartment number and here is my mobile number,,, I won’t be far away if I’m not around.”

“Ok” she carefully folded the paper and put it back into her bag

“Night David”

“Night Callan”

“Do you want me to wait until she goes in?” the driver asked as she made her way across to the door of her building.

“Yeah please mate” Dave watched as she disappeared from his sight for a few moments before reappearing in the windows of the stairwell. She turned and waved out into the darkness at him as she hurried up the stairs and he raised his hand back then waited until she’d put her key in the door and shut it behind her.

“Ok shall we go now?” the driver asked

“Yes” he answered suddenly realising as the car pulled away that for once he’d spent the whole evening with someone and not once had they only been interested in him as Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode, just for once he’d been able to be his true self.

“Thank you and see you tomorrow Callan” he whispered.

Next chapter

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