He sighed a big one and shook his head. He should focus on one problem at a time and it was Dave now. He wanted to help him. He wanted to make up for the mistakes he made again. He hoped that Jen won’t be around when he talks to Dave. In any case he knocked carefully on the singer’s door. After a few moments the woman opened the door and her face didn’t lit up too much when he spotted Martin.
“What do you want?” she asked on a neutral tone.
“Doing-up for my mistakes. Is he here?"
“In the bedroom. Sleeping. Do you want me to…”
“No, I’d rather do it myself, if you don’t mind."
Jen forced calmness on herself and sighed “Alright then I go now to take a walk or to watch a movie. Ring me when I can come back. Okay?”
She just nodded, picked up her purse and walked out, leaving Mart in the silent suite. He sighed too then quietly headed for the bedroom. When he opened the door he spotted the exhausted singer lying on his side. The blanket was up to his chin as he was sleeping, legs pulled up to his chest. Mart’s heart sank from the sight. He seemed so innocent, but worn out too. He couldn’t stop himself – he kicked off his shoes and carefully lifted the blanket to lie onto his side, facing Dave. He just watched him sleeping and let his senses fill up with his presence. After a few minutes he lifted his hand and caressed Dave’s forehead – smoothing out those few wrinkles which appeared there during his sleep – then he just went on watching him, stroking his forehead and his slightly messy hair.
Dave purred on his dreamy voice then moved closer to the caressing hand. Slowly he opened his heavy eye-lids so his dimly shining green irises could focus on the one who was pampering him. Martin returned the look carefully – slightly worrying about Dave’s reaction – but his fingers didn’t stop, they went on caressing the slowly awakening man next to him.
Slowly Dave’s mind started to work and connected the face to the name “Mart?” he murmured on his fresh-awaken voice, which was much deeper than usual.
“Yes, me” a little smile spread on his face “Who else’d slid into your bed and wake you like this?” he rather asked himself.
“What’re ya doing here? Where’s Jen? I hope she didn’t see you?!” Dave said while he sat up still sleepily. There was worry in his voice, but it was meant mainly for Martin, because he was thinking about what his wife would say if she saw them like this.
“Jen went to watch some movie” he pulled his hand back seeing and misunderstanding Dave’s reaction. It hurt that he pulled away, but he didn’t show it. Only his eyes grew darker a bit.
Dave sat up properly while he looked at Mart with a clearer mind “I see. And… what do you want?” he asked a bit colder than he meant to. He couldn’t forgive Martin for leaving him there on the dressing room’s floor, in the middle of such a big emotional labour. He had felt himself like a lost child. He had been sitting there for a long while, waiting the blonde man to return to him, but as time passed by, he realized that it was useless.
His mate sat up on the bed and leant to the headboard with his back, staring at his own covered legs. He tried to hide that the singer’s tone hurt him. He swallowed then said quietly:
“I wanted to apologize for simply leaving you there a few days ago. I’ve lost control of the situation. Please, don’t be mad at me…”
“But you were able to do this to me… Do you know how much it hurt?” he whispered quietly “I was waiting for you to come back. I was waiting… but you never showed up…”
“I know…” he bent his head down and with his fingers he played with the cover.
“Sometimes I wonder how you are able to do such things to me… How can be there this much passion and cruel coldness in you at the same time?”
“If you want to call me names, just do it” he said on a sad and low tone “But if you want me to go, just tell me” he slid to the edge of the bed, showing his back to Dave, ready to stand up at his request and leave.
“I don’t want you to go” Dave confessed.
“And I don’t want to go” he stared out of the window. For a minute the silence of the room was broken just by the ticking of the clock on the wall. Martin had the feeling that they froze into that moment as he was sitting on the edge of the bed while Dave was watching him on the other side, behind his back.
“Why didn’t you come back?”
“Because I had no idea what to say.”
“There was no need for you to say a word! I just needed you to be with me! I don’t need more. I need you” his voice nearly failed him at the end.
Mart propped himself on one hand and turned back halfway to look Dave in the eye while answering him.
“I need you too, but you know this.”
“Then why are you doing this to me?” the disheveled singer asked.
“Because I don’t know what I should do” he bent down his head again “In one moment I didn’t care about anything just the feelings I have for you, the thing we have, but in the next one… I get unsure, asking myself whether this whole thing does any good for us. Wasn’t it a mistake to let our friendship grow into something more?” he lowered his tone at the end.
“You think that it was a mistake?” Dave asked shocked. He felt as if someone was choking him.
“No. I don’t know. I’m confused! In one moment I say it wasn’t, but in the next one I’d say yes. I can’t decide. I’m scared and I don’t want you to get hurt from this relationship. You shouldn’t fuck up this marriage as well…” he whispered the last sentence barely audible.
“My marriage is my business, you can leave it to me.”
“I know. Sorry.”
“And you came here despite these thoughts to make peace with me?”
“This was the plan, yes…”
“I don’t understand you” Dave shook his head “You’d throw out our 21-years-long relationship only because suddenly you’ve started thinking about the state of my marriage. See? I’ve meant exactly this when I’ve told you that you’re passionate and cruel in the same time.”
“If it helps, I don’t understand myself either” he shrugged with a bitter smile “But I know one thing… that… that I love you” he faltered out “And I don’t want to see you suffer” he looked up with his big green eyes, nearly shyly.
Dave’s heart jumped from this sentence and it unwillingly made him forget all the pain Martin had caused him. He moved towards the blonde man and embraced him to pull him closer.
“I love you too” he whispered into Mart’s ear in the tight hug.
His mate’s whole body shivered as Dave’s familiar scent reached his nose and felt his arms sneaking around him. Slowly he embraced him as well and enjoyed being near to the singer with closed eyes. It was unbelievable that they had to be apart for just a few days to start missing him this badly!
“I don’t want you to be depressed because of me” he said hoarsely, still holding him tightly as he buried his face into Dave’s neck.
“Then don’t hurt me” Dave asked.
“Not even when you ask for it?” he giggled into the fragrant neck. It wasn’t like him.
“That’s something else” Dave laughed too “But don’t push me away… Don’t close yourself in. Because that hurts like hell.”
“I’ll try, okay?” he pulled back a bit so he could look into Dave’s eyes and take his tired face into his hands “And you pull yourself together, sweetie” he asked nearly tenderly “I don’t like it when you let yourself go like this.”
Dave just nodded then sank into the green look – he could never get enough of it. He couldn’t stop himself and moved forward to kiss him tenderly. His blonde mate returned it without hesitation. Mart always loved the first kiss after making peace. It still contained the rest of the conflict’s tension, but it was already nearly totally suppressed by love and forgiveness, sweetening the meeting of the lips.
Dave drank the kisses greedily. He felt relieved that Martin came to him and everything was alright between them again. Of course there were some smaller problems, but every relationship has such things.
“I’ve missed you” Martin breathed between two kisses. He was happy that it seemed Dave forgave him. Again. He would not been able to count how many times he did so.
“I’ve missed you too” Dave smiled from the thought that Martin was there between his arms and those times were over when he caused pain to him. Although he was sure that it wasn’t the last time – no matter how hard he begged for the blonde man not to do so – it was in Martin’s nature. But Dave loved him too much, he depended on him too much to leave him because of this.
After a few days - when Jen saw that her husband looked much better – she went home to
New York. She had a little unpleasant feeling when they’ve parted, but she haven’t mentioned what she knew now – and according to Dave’s behaviour Martin didn’t say a word about her knowing it. Somewhere she was glad for this. She needed time to get used to the thought that what she just suspected was real. She hadn’t asked Mart later to tell them since when this was going on between them. She wasn’t prepared for this. And when that time will come, she wants to hear it from David, not from the blonde man. Nonetheless she didn’t think about herself as a prude woman, for now she didn’t want to think deeply of what they can do with each other during the tour. But at least she was glad that Dave wasn’t after some other women if he was near Mart. She tired to warm herself with this and return to her everyday life. She won’t see them for a while anyway.
The South-American and the second leg of the European tour went on smoothly. They gave a lot of shows, leaving thousands of satisfied fans behind. Time after time they had a longer break to be with their families and to relax and refill themselves with energy in their homes. Dave was too happy to notice that Jen was thinking about something very hard, and he had to go to controls at the hospital, so he was distracted by those too. Anyway Jen was very skilled in hiding her problems, if she wanted – despite that their relationship was built on honesty. But the singer was happy that they got along with Martin very well during the tour. Of course they had some quarrels – as always – but still it seemed that they’ve started to get over the pains of the past and they’ve began to open up towards each other again.
Christmas and New Year’s Eve have passed quickly and January came, which meant that the band had to return to the constantly wandering tour. Dave was happy with his family, but he was glad to see his friends again as well, making thousands of people happy. And at last but not least it meant being with Martin too. He’s missed him during the break. Their first concert in January was in
Berlin then they moved along to Budapest, where they’ll have two free days to rest.
After the catastrophic weather and snow storms in
Germany they’ve arrived without any problems to the Hungarian capital city which they liked very much. Mart saw on Dave that he was happy and exhausted at the same time after the concert in Berlin. He didn’t really let Dave do anything else than resting, cuz he was still worried about him. He wanted this tour to end so that the singer could rest and regain his strength. They needed a great physical stamina during such tours. Especially when we were talking about someone who always tried to give in 110% into his performance on stage, jumping around during the whole show.
This was the second time for them in
Hungary during the actual tour and now they’ll perform in the much smaller László Papp Sports Arena. For Dave these closed, smaller arenas were like ‘clubs’, but maybe this is why the atmosphere will be hotter than last year. He remembered that they had a quite bad weather last summer – the fans got soaking wet from the rain and the crew was worried not to experience again what they’ve lived through in Bratislava where the electronic stuffs got wet from the rain. But there was no problem with the Hungarian fans, they did their best and it didn’t matter that some of the songs ended up quite funny…
Their first destination was the hotel, because of staying there for an extra two days. After escaping the press at the airport they put their bags down in their rooms. They’ll have a few hours to rest, eat and maybe give some interviews at the hotel then they’ll go to the arena to make the rehearsal and change their outfits. The time was flying by, but Dave didn’t mind it – he awaited this concert, he was curious about the Hungarian audience. They have been here lots of times and it was always full-house with an amazing atmosphere.