Feel the thickness of the black light. It almost has a texture it's so deep dark. You can almost touch it. And it's warm. No, it's hot, fiery. It's all over you. It is all inside you. Fire rushing through your vein, pulsing. You’re burning alive in that deep black hole. Feel the calling of the cold? It is right below you. See? You are black and warm-he is white and cold. Take him He is yours. He will ease your burning hunger. Feed with him. That’s it hold him close. He'll cool you down. It feels so good you want to touch him everywhere you can. He is soft and smelling as the cooling summer rain. Inhale it. Inhale him. Enjoy the shivering as you breathe him in your lungs. Taste his molecules in your system. Hmmm, tasty! But you want more. You want it all. Can you see him now? He is horrified. An easy prey. And you need to feed. Need to be free. You have to let out the fire. Let it surface. You have no other choice. The flames are already covering your whole body. You are breathing in fumes. He is trapped below you. You hold him still. He is huffing from the horror. Or because of expectation? Come on! Try to be nice! Don’t keep him waiting! Smell his fear. Taste the cold sweat on his neck. He is shivering from your tongue touching his skin. You are shivering too. Your hunger is unbearable. Now you have to let it out. See, your hands is my paws. See, your teeth is my fangs. The hair is rising on your nape and back. You are me now! And we will feed tonight. Bite him. Enjoy his yell. Harder you must hear his screams more. Feel our claw tear his side open. Lick the blood down. It’s intoxicating. Hear your voice. We’re growling. We're howling. And he is screaming from joy. Until now he is in joy. EAT! Suck his blood; tear his skin so you can feed more.
(Now you’re just a small little boy watching the beast from outside. But you know she’s inside you. She is you. You do that while she is in control. So you try to stop her, but you too small and weak. You’re just a little frightened boy who wants to run away. Who wants to hide in the dark from that vicious thing that is you. Now, Martin is screaming.) STOP IT! Don’t hurt him! (But it is his blood that sticking in your small hands. Your body is bathing in his blood.) DON’T HURT HIM! I LOVE HIM! STOP! (Now you are crying. You can’t stop her. You could never do that. So you try to escape. Try to crawl on your bum backwards to the corner of the huge black walls. You are crying and helplessly whisper now what you shouted minutes ago. You can’t do a thing just stare of them while you try to crawl to the walls. But the walls get farther and farther as harder you try to reach them.) Please don’t kill him….I love him…please do stop this…please…. (You can’t escape. You will never reach those walls that would shield your back and hide you in their shadow from that beast. Those are far-far away now. That thing is growling and tearing your lovers flesh. She is sucking his blood while he is shouting from pain. Your face is sticking from his blood. Your nails are full of his cuticles. You taste his blood in your mouth. It’s pouring down your throat. You are chocking in his blood. And you can’t escape. And you can’t stop it.) Please don’t….no…don’t…nooooo… (His sweet flesh is in your mouth. You eat him alive. You are chewing on his meat)
-NOOOO! –Dave wakes shaking heavily from the nightmare. He can still feel it. His whole body is covered with his icy sweat. Panting for air. The room is spinning. The storm outside is raging hard. He can still feel the taste in his mouth. The hot fresh blood…the warm living flesh. Dave shoots out from the bed. Rushing to the bathroom, he leans over the porcelain throne. Offering the content of his stomach as a sacrifice to the God who is living in there, hoping that he would help.
The evening storm left a heavy raining to the next day. The weather turned gloomy and dark. Inside the studio the people could hear the thunders roar from time to time. A very pale and silent Dave Gahan sits on the floor before the control panels holding the morning papers and his strong espresso. His hands are still shaking. Andrew watches the seine from a while. He is not very sure how to react about it. He tries to trust his band mate as much he can. But he saw too many back downs. And knowing about the singers other problems as well he is very clear with the fragility of the situation. And first of all he has to admit it: he is worried.
At last! Martin has arrived, late because the rain. It’s almost impossible to get a cab in weather like this. He start he’s morning routine after some lame jokes exchanged bout the storm. Then he saw him. He looks so shocked and scared. With dark lines under his eyes. He can’t keep back the worry either. He steps closer to the tall man.
-He is like that from morning?
-Yeah, but I think it’s because of the headache he used to have. I saw him rubbing his temple and he doesn’t drink his coffee either just holds it.
-I talk to Chris. Maybe Dave talked with him. I hope it is nothing serious again. –He hurries to get some information from the musicians who used to smoke with David. But everyone is bushed about his condition. It seems he almost had an accident driving here too. They say his car is scratched.
A little later the two blond men is hunker front of the singer. Calling him. But it seems he is zonked out completely. The drummer starts to shake his shoulder. Two cloudy bloodshot eyes meet their gaze.
-Hey, I’m okay! I’ll go sing that song up a minute just wanted to have a coffee.
-Dave I think you should rest- reflect his opinion silently Christian. Holding his arm to help him stand on his feet. The disoriented man seems to be giddy.
-You have your migraine back? Doesn’t you.-Mart sound like a sad daddy. – I’ll talk to the others, and Chris will take you to your hotel. And I will call you later about what we decided for today with John.-He stating the facts. In his tone he doesn’t have any trace of any other alternative.
-Yeah, I drive you home- forcing the slim light figure to leave with him the drummer too, without giving him any opportunity of objection. So Dave only can mutter something under his noise, that he is alright, and no need for this. But he let himself be guided to outside.
The hotel not far away, but the sun has enough time to change it’s mind and appear in the sky. Like some diva spreading it’s rays to the public who is admire it’s shining. The ride was nice; Chris tried to tell him some funny stories from his home town. And like a tidy nurse he checked it that Dave took his meds and he don’t need anything before he left. The strong painkillers knock out the man almost immediately. When he wakes up to the ringing of his mobile it’s already late noon.
-Huh?-he manage to find that goddamned cell
-Hello it’s Martin. Hope I didn’t woke you…
-Sorry, just wanted to tell you that we agreed on a long holiday-weekend with the others. So we are taking a break for the following four day. We all can use some longer spare time…..I will see my daughters, and Chris can go home too.
-So now you want to convince me that it is not because of me…..cleaver one
-Please don’t start that now. It is true and you can’t work like that you know it yourself.
-Yes Daddy! I will be good Daddy! Have a nice time with the kids.
-Thanks. And please take it serious...I’m worried because of you - tells at the end silently- Bye David! - He hangs up quick. Leaving Dave unsure about his feelings.
He knows that his nightmare is true. He did that. They use to have those nights when he tortured Martin that way. Sometimes he even tied him down. Mart wanted to feel the pain and he had to let out that thing to feed before she chases him into complete insanity. They were a match made in hell. They needed each other. How would he be able to carry on without his tamer? Martin was the only one who could take him as he is. Maybe the beast will over win him. No. The meds and the doctors will help. It is all just a delusion, they got pills for that. It is not real…it’s just in his head. He can’t let himself fall back to the dark.
The doorbell wakes him from his thoughts.
-Oh! Look at you! - He stares at his girlfriend at the door.
-Well it’s nice to see you too David – kiss his face Jennifer- so you let me in?
-Oh, sorry - taking her bags – I thought you come on Friday
-Oh, should I go back then? – Asks with pretended offend and innocent in her face.
-No you silly one – Dave steps inside with her holding her in his arms. – I’m just a bit tired, and surprised.-He hides his face in the long brown hair, inhaling her sent that bring him calm.
-Martin called me that you have those headaches again, so I decided to come earlier. And I wanted to talk with you anyway. – She locks view with the sad looking man – I think we getting closer and I want that. And I think we should talk about how we see this relationship, and what we want out of it.