The beating of our hearts
// It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me...//
"Ahhhggggg.... Are we there yet???" - Jared groaned annoyed for the hundred time at least shifting in his seat. Apparently no one cared for his boredom, Shannon on his left was lost in his mp3 with closed eyes tapping away the fast rhythm on his knee. The plain was above the clouds from hours. Not really, only the singer felt it that way, actually they got in the air about a hour ago, but Jay already was scanning the inside of the small jet for some entertainment. The members and staff of the most boring band on Earth and Mars was all seemed to use the time to take a nap. Snorting he attacked the closest one, pulling the earplug out of his brother's ear with a quick move, watching his reaction biting his lip. Sleepy brown eyes opened at him, Shan just shake his head and put the music back in his head only to Jared pull it out again with a face of a five year old brat. He thought it was very entertaining, which brought his giggles back seeing the beloved eyes shooting arrows at him.
"Could you find something better to play with baby-bro?" - muttered in his sarcastic tone the elder messing with the now totally tangled wires losing his breath for a second when he felt the greedy grip on his bulge. ~what are you doing J??? ~ looked around in shock that they get caught.
~I'm playing with something else big-bro, are you proud of me?~ said Jared's giggly voice in his head when he looked a bit relaxed at him seeing the crew almost in slumberland. Shan just stared' at him with a strait face. What he could do about him, is there was anything at all that could tame that goblin-kitten of his bro. Maybe he didn't even want him tamed, the thought watching the naughty grin turn serious in the blue irises and the massaging hand left his groin under the heavy brownish gaze. Shan just smiled soft, 'he thinks I am mad now'. Still in the illusion of the others not looking he held the cute face of J, pulling him into a sweet short kiss and hold him to his broad shoulder sliding lower in the seat, pushing one earplug in the other one's ear, one back to his own closing his eyes feeling Jared smile against his neck. The rest of the flight went smooth with the Leto's resting in the sounds of music, only Tomo blinked still forgotten his sight on them from what he just saw.
Pulling his black hair behind his ear the guitarist turned after long minutes back to the window thinking. He was aware of what's going on ever since he stormed into the tour bus to witness some drunken 'brotherly love' so to say. He was rooted to the floor speechless even still when the two realized he is there and started talking to him. Tomo thought of it as phase that pass. Though the constant tender touches and peeling looks, not to mention the stuff Jared said in interviews strengthened the feeling that it is something deeper. Not that it is his business, yes he knew it is incest and 'wrong' but every peek he saw about the relationship -like now- he simply couldn't feel disgusted or bad about. In fact in the very rare moments when he catch them he was mesmerized of the harmony between them.
Exhaled deep and he moved to be more comfy trying to rest. Shannon was pissed in the morning.. They knew when he will come for them so maybe it was something else. After the bus incident they made some short of a deal that the brothers will be careful to not get him into such shock again and Tomo will erase it from his memory that they are truly.. Well.. Lovers. The Leto brothers are lovers of the most deeply kind of bond. Thought it over opening his small eyes aging the musician peeking over the now sleeping siblings.
~I have a fucking bad feeling Shan. Not about the show, about being here~ Heard the drummer the mindlink turning to search for Jared in the crowded party the band, among others was mingled. Shit, where is he? He lost it from before his sight.. That always made him feel guilty somehow. Using his unusual sensing getting through the smiling greeting faces of nobodies ending up in a dark corner next to the bar, spotting Jay sipping on his juice.
"What you mean?" - He smiled around natural asking for a beer scanning the humans around.
"I am not sure, it just hit me right here and now"
"You mean this place? Not the city?" - turned leaning his back to the counter the older man.
"I felt it in the air when we landed but here it is literally choking me, we have to be careful"
"Here comes more famous fans who think we know who they are.." Shannon adjusted his shades putting his hand on the counter to hop on the high stool, touching seemingly accidentally the rim of their hands together for skin contact, closing his eyes for a split second as Jay dis too and shared the uneasy feeling with his born to be guard. All this lasted less then a blink and they were all nice and frantic around the few people walking up to them like they were life long friends
Later in the night Jared found the mixing with the crowd of somebody's more and more annoying. As usual when they were on alert the brothers split in the room, seemingly drinking and joking around with everyone, but in their minds they always kept contact. Tomo just wondered about what could possibly Shannon think when he just start to laugh all of the sudden. He came to the conclusion that his friend getting drunk fast.
"Can I ask you about Jared dude?" - spitted out the question that been coming and going in the passed period, making the drummer turn to him with a smile hearing still the slight accent.
"Sure man, just ask me." - replied Shan hoping he won't ask something 'like that' from him about Jared.
"It is about.. You know.. What we don't talk about.. " - found the words hard to come as the sunglasses came of.
'Shannon, this is not your night' he thought eyeing his band mate's kinda nervous face then sighed "what you want to know Tomo?"
"Just.. Why? And how?"
'Why and how?' Shannon sighed while his memories looked back to their childhood forming it into words started to speak low, still looking around as they were sitting in a darker corner.
Jared was more then his brother, he was the most precious being ever since their mother laid the crying baby next to Shan and introduce him. The not much older boy caressed gently the belly of the wiggling screaming little package and called him then as magic the perfect round baby blue eyes folded with the browns and it was all quiet, like they welcomed each other in a new form of life after spending an eternity already as one soul. The harmony was there from that moment, the oh so tiny fingers gripped in the elder's hand, they were one against the world. Soon after dad gone they needed that bond more then ever in the endless travelling with grandpa from town to town, them being the new kids in everywhere and been alone with instruments and their imagination.
Jared felt the world differently and Shan felt it very strong what mom said. 'Your duty is to protect your brother'. The raw talent to music and arts was welcomed in the small family, with Jay always at his hill wanting to learn from his adored older bro.
The teenage years brought a new level in their relationship.
they were like jin and jang, Shannon a genetically well build beast, with the meaning of his tenderness towards the family and the brutality for the enemies. Jared's inner strength were hidden under the almost fragile feminine features and the angelic face was complete with the sparkling round baby blue eyes.
They were different and the same at once. The strange hippie kids never apart from each other, Shannon even skipped classes till he was dumped back to be in Jared's, not that the older wasn't the one who had more interest in science and reading, he never had the patients to accept the laws of such facilities and sit around in silence knowing much more about space from science magazines then the teacher told them. But really, hippies are marked since they born, and the two boy was a true example of the dreaming more artistic and abstract thinking people once this nation was all around. Shan was a quiet observer and Jared was the loud impulsive one. Town kids stopped picking on them after a few fights when Shan helped his bro to learn how to fight if it's needed, their playful wrestling in the dust of the camp turned more physical with their puberting bodies, Jared found himself admiring Shan even more. His strength, his brain as he thought of everything when they went to steal or pull some tricks on others, his wisdom as he saw always the whole picture behind a tiny scene, his passion and commitment. They shared the same bed all of their live, the same small bath tub that was started to feel awkward when the crystal gaze burned the skin of the wide back while Jay washed the soap off his elder's who started to struggle with his private parts around the most ever gorgeous being he ever saw. Even now he still remembers the chill rushing over him when the long arms snaked to his chest to hug his wet body close "You are such a man now Shanny... It's feels weird to still call you my teddy bear" The soft voice chuckles uneasy, trying to make the line sound like joke but it melted the heart of the addressed. ~I will be always your Shannybear, nothing can come between us~ - Shannon used the mindlink they had, yes it was his baby brother, yet they both knew they are not like others around them.
By the time they got to be 14 the sexual desire was clear and accepted by both of them, still they would 'practice'on different people. Kissing a girl here and there, mostly older were around the communes, giving detailed information to each other how the alluring games went the day in the dark of their room, laying in their bed. It was like two buddies exchanging things with the difference that they cuddled to sleep afterwards, acting like the signs of the other aroused body didn't got noticed by either of them. One night Shan awoke to the feverish breathing of his baby brother over his neck, the lean hand gripping tight in his shirt as he thrown an arm and leg in his sleep over him, as he laid on his back, slightly rubbing his hardness to the side of his hip moaning in his sleep. With still closed eyes he smiled amused and somewhat proud of his little one, his own breath quickening out of his control and he find himself caressing Jay's back with his arms that he held him close as they dozed off. Jared moaned more deep squirming closer to the hip bone and the other reached the point when he had to squeeze his own steel hard erection over his pants, half asleep feeling Jay's heartbeat fast to his side, his flaming breathing at his neck lost in pleasuring himself in sync with the nudging pirk. His eyes flew open when a soft hand grabbed his own over his groin, making him pull Jay closer sliding his hand down his curved side, and moaned hearing his name breathed in ecstasy, the hand over his gripped harder and the slimmer form trashed whimpering against his, the warm wet feeling made him smile proud again, he could not think. His mind was blank with sexual lust and something deeper, love for his brother. Like he felt him inside his head, the bliss the want and that made him mess up his own pants.
"We cannot tell this to no one Jay Jay.." - he whispered after they wiped their love juices clean and had the longest dead silence fall over them then ever. "Even in here they won't understand"
"I won't tell Shan, I promise. Can I.. Can I hold you like.. 'Before'? " - J was a bit nervous Shan would keep distance from him now.
The dark silence make him swallow with watery eyes, Jared was young and feeling in love, the person he had blooming feelings for was the last he should possibly have. But it felt natural, that person understood him and cared for him the most ever since he borne. "Remember when Chad said to you to stop messing with his girlfriend and get back to fuck your family like all hippies?" - Shannon spoke finally turning to him in the dark seeing the white shine of Jay's teeth knowing he bit his lip and has a naughty cute goblin smile over his face now.
"Yes.. You broke his nose and got detention for two weeks.. Why?"
"You asked me if I still love you like we were little.."
"And you said you love me like the moon loves the sun." - finished the younger boy moving closer once again. His brother pulled him in his arms smoothing his face.
"The moon always follows the sun, never leave it until the world ends.. " - lifted his head hesitating for a second then pecked the shivering boy's lips gently who responded with a long kiss.
"You mean? Shanny are you lo.."
"Shnnn" - a finger over his lips silenced him - "it's almost dawn, sleep now JJ "
"It never felt wrong when we touch and kissed, it's just something we could never control" - explained after a summary of his memories the drummer to his bandmate, who seem not shocked or disgusted. Good old mofo Tomo, truly like another brother to them.
~ SHANNON THEY ARE HERE!!! COME AFTER ME~ the sound of Jared growl and shout in his head made him shoot to his feet, calling him back for more information but Jay was silent, and gone from his senses. "Fucking little shit!!! " - groan excusing himself and rushed outside the starry night.
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